Huckabee: If GOP accepts gay marriage Evangelicals will form a third party.

It’s funny.  Only two years ago the GOP was continuing to use gay marriage as a wedge issue.  We were to believe that there was a pernicious homosexual agenda at work that would undermine and destroy straight marriage – and that the GOP were the ones to stop it.  Now that people are catching wise, some of the Republicans are embracing the evil of marriage equality in order to save their political lives.  Opportunism, it’s what’s for dinner.  I suspect more GOP people are about to turn a 180 in the exact same way (while pretending as though they’d always been disappointed in the GOP’s oppression of gay people).

But for the ideologically pure of the GOP base, the Tea Partiers, they’re not having it.  Perhaps they believe god will carry them through an election with a position opposed by most of the electorate.  That must be what Mike Huckabee is thinking when he says that if the GOP adopts marriage equality that the Evangelicals will form a third party.

But rest assured, it’s not because Evangelicals are against gay people.  Huckabee says so.

And it’s not because there’s an anti-homosexual mood, and nobody’s homophobic that I know of, but many of us, and I consider myself included, base our standards not on the latest Washington Post poll, but on an objective standard, not a subjective standard.

Of course, equality for all citizens is objectively better for a healthy society, where oppressing them is just objectively what’s in the bible.  If you’re the type that let’s the former take precedence over the latter, you’re a horrible person.

Anyway, below is my open letter to Mike Huckabee:

Mr. Huckabee,

Please don’t form a third party!  With the support of Evangelicals combined with the moderate Republicans (along with some obscene gerrymandering) the GOP managed to only get curb-stomped in the last election while keeping power in local governments.  If you split the party, dividing the votes, anything could happen.  It could mean the death of gay marriage for centuries!

Clearly, what has been weighing the GOP down have been the ideologically impure.  Remember when you said that god didn’t protect the Sandy Hook students because we don’t pray in schools?  Well, this is kind of the same way.  Most atheists like me have thought for a long time that the GOP better not ditch the moderates, whose opinions are less offensive to the opinions of voters than yours, lest god override the free will of American voters to put the Evangelicals into power.  For the sake of our secular nation, please do not do this!  Do anything else!  Tie me down and stream Justin Bieber’s discography straight into my brain while Ray Comfort lectures me.  Any fate would be less terrifying than Evangelicals splitting the Republican vote!

Believe me when I say that there is nothing atheists would hate more than Evangelicals forming a third party, aside from you throwing us into that briar patch.

So sincerely,


Now I’m going to go curl up in Michaelyn’s closet and pray this never comes to pass.  Totally.

Just had this tweeted at me:

“I will stand with evangelicals and @HuckabeeShow @GovMikeHuckabee if they do! I’m going to if this happens.”

Oh good, someone as oblivious as they are proudly contemptuous of equality.  I tweeted back:

“@wrightmomof3 @WilliamRDickson Oh dear god no, it’s starting…pretty please don’t.”

About JT Eberhard

When not defending the planet from inevitable apocalypse at the rotting hands of the undead, JT is a writer and public speaker about atheism, gay rights, and more. He spent two and a half years with the Secular Student Alliance as their first high school organizer. During that time he built the SSA’s high school program and oversaw the development of groups nationwide. JT is also the co-founder of the popular Skepticon conference and served as the events lead organizer during its first three years.

  • Glodson

    I don’t have an open letter to Huckabee. But I have this as a reply to his idea.

  • shaunphilly

    Thanks, now my sarcasm meter just exploded. I need to start buying those things in bulk.

  • Otrame

    PLEASE, don’t throw us in that briar patch’ Br’er Mike.

    • Hanscorp


      I spit coffee all over my pharmacy counter. brilliant.

  • Jasper

    Interesting that they wedged-issued themselves in half.

  • Rain

    Be careful what you wish for, because an evangelical third party would be able to pray prayers that are not polluted by non-evangelical prayers. And they would be 100% totally-not-gay prayers too. Totally 100% pure Christian and not-gay prayers can be some mighty powerful prayers.

    • Silent Service

      Oh no. We will never be able to vote as we wish with pure Christian prayer changing our hearts and minds. We will be powerless to promote our gay agenda. What will we do?

    • Hanscorp

      two hands working have done far more than a thousand clasped in prayer.

  • Umlud

    Of course, the motivated reasoning behind Huckabee’s statement – like many people who don’t see themselves as bigots, even as they do things that are bigoted – is understandable. After all, they aren’t like the KKK or neoNazis; they aren’t proposing a return to segregation or slavery; they aren’t suggesting that we burn witches and homosexuals. After all, those are groups and opinions that are bigoted, and they aren’t like that.

    I really like the paper by Laurie O’Brien, Christian Crandall, April Horstman-Reser, and Ruth Warner (“But I’m no Bigot: How Prejudiced White Americans Maintain Unprejudiced Self-Images”)

    True, some people are cynical and will jump on whatever bandwagon they feel to be the most populist, and its true that some people really do hold to truly extreme ideas of bigotry (and some of these people have also rationalized to themselves that these positions – while called bigoted by much of society – isn’t really bigoted). However, I really do think that it’s a common point of humans to not recognize that the issue that they see as justified and right is actually bigotry masked in righteousness.

    Of course, I suspect that Huckabee knows better, and – for that reason – I think that his position on this issue is despicable.

  • Greg G

    Attaboy, Huck. Go all Southern Baptist on them. Don’t base your opinion on a Washington Post poll on slavery, either. Just be objective.

    Apologies to Shaunphilly’s new sarcasm meter.

  • Reginald Selkirk

    With the support of Evangelicals combined with the moderate Republicans (along with some obscene gerrymandering) the GOP managed to only get curb-stomped in the last election while keeping power in local governments.

    This isn’t especially true. The GOP did lose the presidential election, but they still hold a solid majority in the House of Representatives.

    • JT Eberhard

      They lost seats, and only didn’t lose more because of gerrymandering.

    • baal

      I’m not sure which part you’re doubting. The (R) in the House have some 33 more seats than the popular vote suggests they should have. That’s the difference between having Boehner or Pelosi in charge. The same thing happened in at least 11 States where the (R) went from controlling 1 legis. house to controlling 2 despite not having more votes.

  • baal

    “, but on an objective standard, not a subjective standard.”

    Come see where the ‘objective truth’ part of the religious conservative system is in action.

  • Shannon

    Who gave him a freaking radio show, anyway?? I will never understand evangelicals ever. Nor do I want to.

  • Highlander

    I for one welcome the arrival of our new Third Party Overlords. But seriously, a third party wouldn’t be so bad, it might open the doors more parties. More parties means more compromise, more compromise means more effective government. A party can’t be partisan if they don’t have the votes to stand on their own.

  • Aita

    Objective? He means absolute, and they’re completely different.

    Fuck this guy. He knows nothing of even the ethics he follows.

  • Loqi

    Once the chips are on the table, he’ll go with what will get him and his party more votes. He’ll join the GOP in proclaiming that they’ve always thought marriage equality is double plus good and that we’ve always been at war with Eastasia.
    Allegiance to money and power beats allegiance to god every time.

  • Elerena

    I am so ridiculously in favor of having them form a third party. Not only will they not win anything, they’ll be siphoning off Republican votes!

  • Anonymous

    Would be a very small party lol

  • Matt Teee

    Who cares? Why would we want a bunch of people who think there is a magical man in the sky in our party? It makes us look stupid and loses us votes having those crazies in the GOP!

    • Stogoe

      Because they give you (close to) enough loyal votes to enact your despicable economic agenda? They’re a main reason we still talk about piss-down-onto-the-poor ecomonics in this country, because the Top-Down Class Warfare Party hijacked the “Jesus Rode A Dinosaur” voters for their own nefarious purposes.

      • Silent Service

        So what you’re saying is Jesus rode a dinosaur so that the Romans couldn’t piss on him. Hey, I think I finally understand Ken Ham!

        No, no… Lost it again.

  • Neuromantiker

    I don’t think we are Huckabee’s target, and I don”t think his threat is real, he knows very that divided they fall and is playing on it. It is simple scare tactic aimed at the Rep. to make sure they stand with the GOP against gay marriage.

  • Stanton

    Oh, the Tea Party will never split off. Huckabee is just throwing a temper tantrum while making empty threats and false prophecies. Half of the Tea Party is too stupid to separate from the Republicans proper, and the other half won’t split off as they realize their proposed Third Party will not plunge the country into a God-pleasing apocalypse.