Mayoral candidate in Miami claims to be endorsed by Jesus Christ.

Jesus has endorsed a long list of failures: Michelle Bachmann, Rick Santorum, John McCain, George W. Bush (who wound up getting elected, which shows god is not the best judge of who to appoint to positions of power), Joseph Ratzinger (god could’ve chosen someone who wouldn’t ignore victims to shield child rapists from justice, which shows god is not the best judge of who to appoint to positions of power), etc.  The list goes on and on.  God has a real habit of endorsing losers (often multiple losers in the exact same race).  If a person was not an easily taken dumbass eager to be conned cynical, they might think that all these people were regular (well, more inane than most) mortals who were merely claiming that god wanted them to run and was going to help them to win.

And since there were so many of them, you’d think god might pop down and give an in-person endorsement to the person he really supports in order to distinguish them from all the others.  But no, god apparently trusts us to weed out all the fakers ourselves.

The most recent recipient of the Jesus nod is Anna L. Pierre who is vying to be mayor of Miami.

“It’s a spiritual endorsement. Why? Because everything I do I always get God involved,” Pierre said.

Pierre, a registered nurse and 90s Creole-language pop star, said she prayed leading up to registering for her candidacy and received three signs that Jesus was her endorser.

“And what were those three things?,” asked Local 10′s Janine Stanwood.

“Well, I’m going to keep them private,” Pierre said.

Of course you do.  Even though these signs were powerful enough to convince Anna, and Anna is proud to have Jesus’ endorsement, she’s elected not to unveil the signs that were so convincing to her, and would undoubtedly convince even the most hardened skeptic, thereby winning the race.

Instead, just like everybody who has ever talked to god, we’re just supposed to take her word on it.  God’s apparently busy making sure babies in Africa are born with AIDS and helping Tim Tebow win games in the NFL never again (speaking of losers god has endorsed) to actually show up and tell people he wants Pierre in office.  Boy, will he regret his priorities if she loses, amirite?

But what really grinds my gears is the reaction from Pierre’s opponent:

“Well, listen, that’s her opinion,” said State Representative Daphne Campbell. “That’s her belief. We have to respect that. She wants Jesus to endorse her, that’s okay.”

No, you don’t have to respect her opinion.  Her opinion is tantamount to the standard opening line for even the most inept con man: “I have great reasons I just can’t tell/show you”.  When faced with clear and obvious bullshit, you don’t have to respect it.  In fact, if you have any self respect, you shouldn’t.  Opinions are not sacred – they should be the product of reason and evidence, not a substitute for them.  When faced with an ill-informed opinion, respect is the wrong reaction.  If you intend to be even a competent leader, where you will need to separate good opinions from bad, you need to understand that.

It’s not about being nice – it’s about not nuzzling up to bullshit to get there.  I guess if I were wishing for people to learn that honesty and being nice are not incompatible the wrong place to start is with politicians.  What can you do?

  • Nate Frein

    On the bright side, she got less than 1% of the vote.

    • randomfactor

      Even an atheist might have done better than that…

  • Glodson

    I just talked to the Jesus, when you weren’t looking yesterday. He told me that he didn’t vote and didn’t see why we bothered as blind faith is enough. We should just believe the mayor is the person we believe won, especially in spite of evidence to the contrary.

    You cannot prove that the Jesus didn’t talk to me and didn’t say all that. So you have to believe it and respect my legitimate religious belief. Just know that I’ll love you anyways, even if you should burn forever in Hell where there will be wailing and gnashing of teeth forever.

    Of course I’m joking. No one would ever really expect this silliness I just wrote to be believed or respected.

    • Zinc Avenger

      Yeah? Well I got Jesus, Mohammed and Buddha to endorse me. So vote for me, Zinc Avenger. I guarantee not to eat all your succulent, juicy firstborn children.

      • Loqi

        I too endorse Zinc Avenger. In exchange for the Loqi bump, I expect a cabinet position (Secretary of Snark?).

        • Zinc Avenger

          Well, all I can guarantee at the moment is that you won’t be flung into the rendering vats at the first opportunity and you might find a position on my “send a ferret to Mars” committee. It still leaves me 24% more rational than the Republican contender.

  • Loqi

    But who got the all-important noodly endorsement of FSM?

  • Rain

    “Well, listen, that’s her opinion,” said State Representative Daphne Campbell. “That’s her belief. We have to respect that. She wants Jesus to endorse her, that’s okay.”

    Yeah that’s okay. Except she didn’t say that. She said Jesus endorses her. But yeah, that spurious version of what she actually claims is perfectly fine. So yes, the equivocal version of events is perfectly okay. Chalk one up for sophistry I guess.

    • Rain

      I wanted to see if I could get spurious equivocal and sophistry in the same comment. Looks kinda clumsy, actually. LOL.


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