Minnesota is DOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED! (But it feels so good!)

Like a Christian high schooler who sees their peers having pre-marital sex and thinks “I want to try that” despite the promises of hell from their faith, Minnesota has taken a swift look at Delaware and decided they want a taste of that hot, steamy equality action, even though it means the state will be DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!

Gay couples will be permitted to wed in Minnesota starting in August, making it the 12th state to permit same-sex marriage and the first in the Midwest to take such a step outside of a court ruling.

Hundreds of people gathered in the Minnesota Capitol on Monday, singing, waving signs and shouting loud enough to be heard inside the Senate chamber as the debate went on before the vote on same-sex marriage.

The State Senate, controlled by Democrats, voted 37 to 30 on Monday to allow same-sex marriages, after approval by the State House last week. Gov. Mark Dayton, also a Democrat, had urged lawmakers to pass the measure and said he would sign the bill on Tuesday afternoon.

“In my heart of hearts, I know that today love wins,” State Senator Tony Lourey, a Democrat, said Monday during a tense, often personal debate before the vote. Hundreds of people on both sides of the issue packed the halls of the Capitol here, chanting, cheering and waving signs with clashing messages — “Don’t Erase Moms and Dads” and “Marriage Equality, You Betcha.”

Yes, the bolded part refers to an unwritten portion of the bill, which only religious people seem to be aware of (they probably have faith in it), which decrees that all straight, one woman-one man parents will be forbidden from having children.  Allowing other people to marry the consenting adult of their choice will mean that good, wholesome Christians can’t raise children or enjoy their marriages.

If you’re not convinced, check out this commercial:

Proper response to “Don’t erase moms and dads”: “Okay” and then pass the bill.

Sen. Torrey Westrom (Republican, go fig), was succinct in echoing the inane argument that somehow gay marriage will affect straight parents at all:

“Where does this stop?” said State Senator Torrey Westrom, a Republican. This choice, he said, will send Minnesota “down that road of taking mother and father out of our recognition of what our children need.”

Children don’t “need” a mother and a father.  They need loving parents and a stable environment.  If that’s one man and one women, rock on!  If it’s two moms or two dads, spectacular!  People’s parenting skills and emotional stability don’t change based on what set of genitalia they find appealing.

Opponents of same-sex marriage argued that voters had elected lawmakers to manage the state’s fiscal issues, not take significant steps on divisive social issues. Some cited religious beliefs for their opposition.

These were the same people who were practically touching themselves in 2011 when a Constitutional amendment was on the table in Minnesota to ban same sex marriage.  Back then, this was the responsibility of elected officials in Minnesota to protect straight marriage (gag me).  Religion, I’m thinking, has some serious deleterious effects on one’s memory.

“It’s an objective reality that every baby has a mom and a dad,” said the Rev. Thomas McCabe, a Catholic priest who stood among a crush of people inside the Capitol.

First, to hear someone who believes a guy rose from the dead citing objective reality is funnier than listening to Glenn Beck rant about conspiracy theorists.

Second, yes, it is a matter of objective reality that babies are made with the sperm from a man and the egg from a woman.  So what?  It’s also an objective reality that some babies’ straight parents suck as parents and many same sex couples are wonderful parents, which is what really matters.  The process by which babies are made has literally zero relevance to an adult’s proficiency as a parent.

And if you think the kind of sex a person has is the most important factor in how they will perform as a parent then:

1.  You’d probably be a shitty parent.

2.  The irony of your allegiance to an organization that shielded the sexual abusers of children while simultaneously touting itself as a moral beacon does not surprise me in the least.

If you’re part of subset 2, let’s not pretend you are an authority on what is best for children, ok?


PZ Myers, as he so often does, captures my feelings on the matter perfectly:

Not everyone is happy about it.

“In my heart, I grieve on both sides. Because I know what it’s like to be alone and I know what it is like to have somebody close to you and love you. But I grieve inside because I feel we are opening the doors to Sodom and Gomorra. And in the end, God is going to be the judge,” said Nelson, of Blaine, tears running down her cheeks.

I would bottle your tears and perhaps dot a little on my wrists every morning — Eau de Schadenfreude. Or perhaps I would drink them like a rich bitter wine, and laugh. Those aren’t tears of sorrow, but of nasty cruel bigotry — you didn’t get your way, you weren’t allowed to demean other citizens of this state in the way you wanted, and now you get to weep in frustration, while I have no sympathy.

And to compare the happy men and women who can now aspire to share equally in love and marriage with evil, wicked horrible people from your book of lies, to tell yourself they are damned and will be destroyed…well, I’ll dance an especially happy spiteful dance on your broken dreams of oppression, lady.

Yup.  I there is a dearth of sympathy in me that rivals the absence of faith.

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About JT Eberhard

When not defending the planet from inevitable apocalypse at the rotting hands of the undead, JT is a writer and public speaker about atheism, gay rights, and more. He spent two and a half years with the Secular Student Alliance as their first high school organizer. During that time he built the SSA’s high school program and oversaw the development of groups nationwide. JT is also the co-founder of the popular Skepticon conference and served as the events lead organizer during its first three years.


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