The following guest post has been written by my alter ego, Christina Christianphens, and should not be construed as the actual, non-satirical opinions of me, Christina Stephens:
Hello Good homosexuality-opposing Christian parents!
I know most of you are furrowing your ever-furrowed brows and pointing your ever-pointy fingers at the Boy Scouts of America, an organization who recently voted to remove the restriction denying membership to youth on the basis of sexual orientation alone. We know you don’t want your children to know gay kids exist, much less be around them.
The American Family Association wrote about this resolution when they said:
In essence, the resolution doesn’t allow a gay adult to go camping with boys, but may put an “experienced” gay 17-year-old inside a tent with a 12-year-old boy on his first campout. This creates a perfect environment for sexual abuse within scouting.
Guess what: gay people (both youth and adults) have been involved in the Boy Scouts since the dawn of scouting. The only difference between then and now is that before yesterday, they had to hide it in order to remain a member. That “experienced” gay 17-year-old could end up inside a tent with a 12-year-old boy, and no one would be the wiser – that gay boy was pretending to be straight so he could stay in the scouts.
Without fear of being banned from the scouts, gay boys no longer have to hide their homosexuality to avoid getting kicked out, which means you and your sons are much more likely to know if there is another gay scout in his troop… and wouldn’t you rather know, then have a troop overrun by secretly gay youth?
Think about it. You won’t have to be worried about your son sharing a tent on an overnight camping trip with an older child in a leadership role who is secretly gay, ready to pounce upon the loins of your innocent sweet boy as soon as those completely soundproof tents are erected.
Luckily for you, sexual activity remains banned in the scouts, so your son can be totally aware of gay kids while still knowing those gay kids will get kicked out should he ever notify group leaders that one of those icky gay kids touched him.
The boy scouts are doing you a favor, fellow Christians who oppose homosexuality: now it will be easier for you and your sons to identify gay kids. That means you can keep your sons out of troops that have homosexual kids and make sure your sons don’t stay overnight in tents with them. It’s the perfect opportunity for you to share the gospel and pressure them into being straight.
Hey, maybe this decision could even open doors to Gay Scouts Conversion Therapy! Lots of parents send their kids to Scouts to teach them lessons about morality and community. The Boy Scouts reach out to troubled youth all the time. We can spread our gospel to gay kids (if we’re able to stomach being around them).
So please, good Christians who oppose homosexuality: thank the Boy Scouts!