Homophobes should celebrate the Boy Scouts allowing gay boys.

Christina here…

The following guest post has been written by my alter ego, Christina Christianphens, and should not be construed as the actual, non-satirical opinions of me, Christina Stephens:

Hello Good homosexuality-opposing Christian parents!

I know most of you are furrowing your ever-furrowed brows and pointing your ever-pointy fingers at the Boy Scouts of America, an organization who recently voted to remove the restriction denying membership to youth on the basis of sexual orientation alone. We know you don’t want your children to know gay kids exist, much less be around them.

The American Family Association wrote about this resolution when they said:

In essence, the resolution doesn’t allow a gay adult to go camping with boys, but may put an “experienced” gay 17-year-old inside a tent with a 12-year-old boy on his first campout. This creates a perfect environment for sexual abuse within scouting.

Guess what: gay people (both youth and adults) have been involved in the Boy Scouts since the dawn of scouting. The only difference between then and now is that before yesterday, they had to hide it in order to remain a member. That “experienced” gay 17-year-old could end up inside a tent with a 12-year-old boy, and no one would be the wiser – that gay boy was pretending to be straight so he could stay in the scouts.

Without fear of being banned from the scouts, gay boys no longer have to hide their homosexuality to avoid getting kicked out, which means you and your sons are much more likely to know if there is another gay scout in his troop… and wouldn’t you rather know, then have a troop overrun by secretly gay youth?

Think about it. You won’t have to be worried about your son sharing a tent on an overnight camping trip with an older child in a leadership role who is secretly gay, ready to pounce upon the loins of your innocent sweet boy as soon as those completely soundproof tents are erected.

Luckily for you, sexual activity remains banned in the scouts, so your son can be totally aware of gay kids while still knowing those gay kids will get kicked out should he ever notify group leaders that one of those icky gay kids touched him.

The boy scouts are doing you a favor, fellow Christians who oppose homosexuality: now it will be easier for you and your sons to identify gay kids. That means you can keep your sons out of troops that have homosexual kids and make sure your sons don’t stay overnight in tents with them. It’s the perfect opportunity for you to share the gospel and pressure them into being straight.

Hey, maybe this decision could even open doors to Gay Scouts Conversion Therapy! Lots of parents send their kids to Scouts to teach them lessons about morality and community. The Boy Scouts reach out to troubled youth all the time. We can spread our gospel to gay kids (if we’re able to stomach being around them).

So please, good Christians who oppose homosexuality: thank the Boy Scouts!

Learn more about Christina and follow her @ziztur.

About christinastephens
  • Glodson

    Wait, the American Family Association Of Families that is Totally Pro-Family and Against Things That Are Anti-Family Unless These Things That Are Anti-Family Are Pro-Gay said something moronic, and tried to fearmonger by positing a child could be sexually molested by a peer?

    There’s no way that such reasoned individuals like the AFAOFTITPAATTAAUTTTAAAP would ever be that stupid.

  • Stev84

    I’ve thought the same thing about DADT and the morons who are afraid to shower with gay people.

    • http://twitter.com/Ziztur Christina Stephens

      Exactly! I’m thinking… if you’re so afraid of gay people, wouldn’t you want to *know* if someone were gay?

    • Zinc Avenger

      Ever noticed how homophobes tend to be people who consider anything they’re sexually attracted to, to be fair game for unwanted sexual attention?

  • Savoy47

    Well, a lot of these folk are in favor of conceal-carry for handguns and they know the downside is that a person with bad intentions can sneak up on you and pull out their weapon. That’s the fear they have of the invisible gay scouts. They use denial to keep that fear in check.

    But if an openly gay scout comes into the picture they can’t maintain that denial any longer and then their minds fill up with all those dirty pictures. And if little Johnny sees a gay scout he might choose to be gay too or get infected or something and burn in hell forever because of it. And those dirty pictures just won’t go away.

  • Saul Timothy

    how we won the James Randi $1,000,000 paranormal challenge



    • Zinc Avenger

      Pop quiz:

      Who is obsessed with Nostradamus, seethes with contempt for atheists, and is required to “abstain from participating in a social network, blog and discussion forum”?

      • Andrew Kohler

        I’m guessing the same person who posts a totally nonsensical and irrelevant link on eight different articles, evidently at random (as one can tell by clicking on his name).

  • Glodson

    Somewhat related: My wife told me of an exchange she saw on Facebook, I believe. A guy told the story of having what he thought was a gay cab driver. He said he was terrified of unwanted advances. A woman explained that this is something that many women experience on a daily basis.
    I reflected that this cab driver, if even gay as I only have this guy’s word for this, is likely more afraid of seeing violence done to him by virtue of his sexuality.
    These homophobes are worried that there might be gay people in their midst, but they are much more dangerous to the gay person who has to fear them even when out of the closet. And not just verbal abuse.
    This makes this rhetoric even worse as they are the threat. They are the type that would hurt another for being openly gay, and then try to rewrite reality so that they are the victim.