Good news! Drinking Starbucks makes you a sinner.

David Barton would be out of a job for being a fraud if not for Christians who eagerly pay him to lie to them.  Recently he told a whole congregation that you can’t drink Starbucks coffee without opposing Jesus.  You see, Starbucks supports love in the form of marriage equality, and Jesus hates that.

“Biblically, there is no way a Christian can help support what is attacking God,” Barton said, adding “I’m sorry, you’ve got to find some other coffee to drink.  You can’t drink Starbucks and be biblically right on this thing.  It’s just a real simple principle”

Here’s the clip:

And the crowd of believers goes wild.

So Jesus doesn’t mind that Barton lies incessantly and he doesn’t care that everybody in the seats supports the liar and is too lazy a thinker to catch the liar (and how many wouldn’t want to catch him even if they could?), but if you drink Starbucks coffee, Jesus is furious.

I’d say Barton and Jesus deserve each other.  And if drinking Starbucks cheeses them both off, I’d be real tempted to start drinking coffee.

About JT Eberhard

When not defending the planet from inevitable apocalypse at the rotting hands of the undead, JT is a writer and public speaker about atheism, gay rights, and more. He spent two and a half years with the Secular Student Alliance as their first high school organizer. During that time he built the SSA’s high school program and oversaw the development of groups nationwide. JT is also the co-founder of the popular Skepticon conference and served as the events lead organizer during its first three years.

  • Jasper

    Who would have thought that being a sinner was so expensive? Well, I unambiguously support gay marriage, and I make my own coffee, so maybe drinking my own coffee increases my sin?

    I’m hoping to get my sin over 9000

  • Zinc Avenger

    How’s the coffee at Chick-Fil-A?

    • Len

      Supplied by Starbucks?

  • Nate Frein

    You know what? This is the exact same reason I refuse to by Chik-Fil-A. I refuse to give any amount of money because I don’t want any of my money funding Cathy’s gay hate.

    • Zinc Avenger

      Ah, well you see your boycott is an un-American undemocratic undermining of capitalism and the phrase “economic terrorism” is too mild to describe your perfidy. Theirs is a principled stand. See the difference?

    • Art_Vandelay

      We don’t have Chick-Fil-A in Rhode Island so I never actually had the chance to actively boycott them. I chose to boycott the RCC instead. Okay…I was already doing that but you know who cracks me up? The people who boycotted CFA and then happily walk into churches and give their 10% without batting an eyelash. Of course, these are the same people who oppose pederasty, and happily fund the RCC without batting an eyelash.

      • Nate Frein

        Yeah, my father is one of those people.

        We’ve had that discussion, and he doesn’t care cuz none of it has anything to do with what his local parish is doing. They’re “cool” at the local parish.

    • Feminerd

      Yeah, I do that too. I don’t care what Cathy does with his private money, but when corporate money goes to hate groups I draw the line.

  • neatospiderplant

    You know who else doesn’t drink coffee? Mormons!

    But seriously, you don’t have to drink coffee to go to starbucks. They have teas, hot chocolate, smoothies. Before I started drinking coffee, I used to go to starbucks for the chai lattes.

    • Billy Bob

      Those are awesome. And I love the hot chocolate from starbucks.

  • unbound55

    I assume based on this logic, that Barton will halt all sales of his book on Amazon (supports marriage equality) as well as halting all activities on the internet since the primary components (switches) are made by Cisco (supports marriage equality). Which is helpful since he can’t use Apples or PC with Windows due to Microsoft (both supports marriage equality).

    Similarly, I assume he will be removing his facebook page immediately, and stop any shopping at Target and JCPenney’s. Also, no more drinking anything from Budweiser or Absolut in addition to not wearing anything from Nike or Levi’s.

    And this is to name but a few. So while he can eat at Chik-Fil-A all he wants, what about the vast majority of everything else in his life?

    • Rain

      Yeah most of those are cash cows for him. So I don’t think so. Lol.

    • Billy Bob

      But those might require effort on his part. And we don’t want that do we?

  • invivoMark

    Yet again with the “attacking God” thing.

    Is God all-powerful and invincible or not? If yes, then there is no reason to worry about those who are “attacking God”, because they can never get past His damage reduction.

    • Loqi

      Little known fact: Starbucks coffee is made from 40% recycled iron chariots.

    • kagekiri

      But what about God’s poor fee-fees?

      He just loves you so much that he wants to throw you into the sun to burn for eternity unless you do exactly as he says, which his “scripture” admits is impossible because he made us incapable of such “perfection”. And then you criticize him for his obviously self-centered farce of absolute “morality”?

      Don’t be monsters, guys! Fictional deities have feelings too! And they just happen to align with all the bigoted conservative assholes. /snark

      Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if Christians did this partially out of a sense of imagined self-preservation. God does torch entire countries for the sins of some of its citizens, so he has a track record for being an extremist dick who loves killing people for things they didn’t even do.

  • randomfactor

    Aren’t there cheaper ways to sin?

    • neatospiderplant

      I could be wrong on this, but I thought their brewed coffee was much cheaper. maybe like, $1.50 or something. I thought it was the fact that most people that go there order the fancier frappes and macchiatos and such that give them the reputation for their expensive drinks.

      Again, I’m not sure on this, the only time I had their brewed coffee was a day they had a promo where they were giving it away. It didn’t impress me. When I go to starbucks, I get the fancy coffee drinks.

  • Loqi

    If there’s anyone in the commentariate is looking to take advantage of Minnesota’s new marriage equality law, I humbly suggest having the wedding catered by Starbucks and sending an invite to David Barton.

  • Feminerd

    Mmmm. Delicious, sugary, creamy caffeine with a side of equality, please!

  • rufus_t

    Now this puts me in a bit of a moral dilemma. I’d support the Starbucks position on gay marriage, but I’d roundly condemn their position on (UK) corporation tax aviodance (in the last 14 years they’ve paid £8.6m in tax, despite having sales in excess of £3bn in the same timescale).
    So I’ll go with my baser reactions: I don’t like coffee, other places do better tea for less money and have better ethical practices. Regardless of their being targetted as bad by this particular loon, they still aren’t exactly good.