Put your faith in god until you need money.

The Ark Encounters theme park is having trouble raising enough money to make the park a reality.

In an office park in Hebron, Kentucky, the designers of the proposed “Ark Encounter” theme park are trying to answer questions like these in order to build faith in the Bible’s literal accuracy. The project has run into delays because of lack of financing, which could cost it millions in potential tax breaks. Despite the uncertainty, a recent Reuters preview of the project showed that plans for the ark are continuing.

“We’re basically presenting what the Bible has to say and showing how plausible it was,” said Patrick Marsh, design director for the park, which will feature a 500-foot-long wooden ark and other Old Testament attractions, including a Tower of Babel and a “Ten Plagues” ride. “This was a real piece of history – not just a story, not just a legend.”

The project is currently in the design phase. Not enough private donations have come in to start construction, and building permits will not be ready until November, according to Ark Encounter co-founder and Senior Vice President Michael Zovath.

I’m sure in church the people behind this project do a great deal of droning the phrase “the lord will provide.”  But so far it’s only been people doing the providing.  When they asked god, he treated them like a hobo asking a Republican for spare change.

Christians want to claim that the lord provides, but when they get sick they go see a human (a doctor).  When they need money, they ask other humans.  When they lose their keys, sure they pray, but then they look for them, depending on themselves (yet another human) to find the keys.

For as much as they act like they depend on their neighbors, not god, it’s strange Christians have so much faith in god and so little in humanity – what with saying we’re unworthy of heaven without god’s filicidal stamp of approval and all.

About JT Eberhard

When not defending the planet from inevitable apocalypse at the rotting hands of the undead, JT is a writer and public speaker about atheism, gay rights, and more. He spent two and a half years with the Secular Student Alliance as their first high school organizer. During that time he built the SSA’s high school program and oversaw the development of groups nationwide. JT is also the co-founder of the popular Skepticon conference and served as the events lead organizer during its first three years.

  • Art_Vandelay

    If you really believed that story, we’re talking about not just a “great flood” but a global genocide. It would have been the most horrific even that this world has ever endured. He makes Pol Pot look like Captain Kangaroo. I mean, if you really believed that…you’d have to be a special kind of scumbag to think that it’s a fitting story to base a children’s theme park on.

  • Russell Wain Glasser

    “We’re basically presenting what the Bible has to say and showing how plausible it was.” And they will accomplish this with animatronic rides. Exactly the same way that the Universal Studios theme park shows you how plausible it is to play Quidditch.

    • Loqi

      And what the hell kind of a ride is a ten plagues ride? Do they put you in the middle of a locust swarm? Does it do some kind of log flume through a river of blood? If a mom brings her kids on the ride, will the oldest son suddenly die? Do they drop frogs on you or give you boils?
      Worst damn ride ever.

  • Stev84

    500 feet of a pure wood construction is nearly impossible. The whole structure would twist, flex and leak. Maybe they’ll be able to float it on a still lake, but it won’t be seaworthy. Not without pumps. There is a reason wooden ships eventually used some metal as reinforcement.

  • http://markkoop.net Mark Koop

    My favorite part of the Reuters article was the end:

    “If somebody wants to come into Kentucky and build a Harry Potter park and teach all the fun things about witchcraft, nobody would say a word about it – they’d just think it was so cool,” Zovath said. “But if we want to come in … and build a Biblical theme park, everybody goes crazy.”

    Buddy, if your park was presenting Genesis the same way another park would present Harry Potter, nobody would “go crazy.” But I think they would if said Harry Potter park were presenting witchcraft as an actual alternative to the way we solve problems in real life.


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