Could the USA secure our border if the zombie apocalypse begins in Mexico or Canada?

I saw this video the other day and it got me thinking:

Could the US secure our border in the case of a zombie apocalypse if necessary?  I examine possible ways it could be done and give commentary on my newest article over at Shit Zombies Say.  Here’s an excerpt:

Could we build a fence?  The short answer is no.  In 2006 Congress passed the Secure Fence Act.  It’s a nice way of saying “we’re going to build 700 miles of fence along the Mexico border because all those lazy, uneducated Mexicans are sneaking in and getting hired over brilliant, hard-working Americans (because that makes sense)”.  According to the Congressional Research Service:

As of January 15, 2013, DHS had installed 352 miles of primary pedestrian fencing, 299 miles of vehicle fencing (total of 651 miles), and 36 miles of secondary fencing (see Figure 4). The Border Patrol reportedly had identified a total of 653 miles of the border as appropriate for fencing and barriers.

So it’s taken us 7 years to build 653 miles of fence.  Considering that zombies aren’t likely to wait around twiddling their decomposing thumbs while we erect a wall, and considering that we have a total of 3,471 miles to cover between the Mexican and Canadian borders, you can kiss any thought of walling off our nation goodbye.

Check it out and get learned.

About JT Eberhard

When not defending the planet from inevitable apocalypse at the rotting hands of the undead, JT is a writer and public speaker about atheism, gay rights, and more. He spent two and a half years with the Secular Student Alliance as their first high school organizer. During that time he built the SSA’s high school program and oversaw the development of groups nationwide. JT is also the co-founder of the popular Skepticon conference and served as the events lead organizer during its first three years.

  • Amanda Brown

    We wouldn’t wall in the entire nation. We would just keep blowing up random infected cities until we “got ‘em all”. Because that’s how amercuh does. Blow shit up and ask questions later. :)

    • Zinc Avenger

      All we know at this stage is that some military contractor is going to receive a blank check, and asking questions like “how many zeroes” is UNPATRIOTIC.

  • The Other Weirdo

    Which means that the Umbrella Corporation’s stunning ability to wall in the entirety of Raccoon City as soon as the crisis erupted indicates quite clearly in my mind that their construction techniques were at least 500 years ahead of everyone else’s, and more than likely were acquired from aliens.

  • Nicholaas

    If the zombie outbreak starts in Mexico, I’ll be extra glad I live in Maine.

    • Feminerd

      I’ll be screwed, living in Texas :/

      • Artor

        Uh, don’t you feel screwed already, living in Texas?

        • Feminerd

          Well, yes. But zombies would make it extra-special bad.

          • diydominick

            No pretty sure zombies would make Texas better. You’re allowed to kill them.

  • Ryan Hite

    Zombies?!?!? Great genre, no basis in reality.

  • Michael W Busch

    Yes, given a strictly bite-transmitted zombie plague that only infects humans. I indulge in promoting my wife’s analysis (and a little bit of self-promotion, since I consulted on it). Cribbing from :

    If a zombie doesn’t eat, how far does it go? If ATP synthesis is off, the zombies drop in a few hundred meters. If glycolysis is going but no new sugars are being made, 30-40 km. If they can metabolize fat rapidly enough, ~200 km ( this also means that an isolated population of zombies will die off quickly – even if they eat each other, the zombie half-life without victims is only a couple of days ).

    So all you need to do to secure the borders of the infected zones is to get a bunch of cars and get the zombies to chase them. Go slow enough that the zombies follow but not so slow that they catch up. You pied-piper them around until they all drop dead (deader?). You’ll have to go slow and efficient on the gas, unless you have a bunch of gas cans to give better range.

    If the zombie plague can be transmitted by other animals or by air or water, this analysis does not apply.

    • Gehennah

      Great analysis though.