Moving makes no sense.

In two weeks I leave Ohio to live with Michaelyn in the state of the future: Kansas.  I’m told that Kansas is a magical place, a model of competent upkeep and progressive policies, and I can’t wait to live there instead of some backwater, rundown hole teeming with fundamentalist Christians trapped in the good ol’ days and run by religious wackaloons more interested in cutting employee benefits and stopping abortion than fixing the state’s infrastructure.  What a breath of fresh air Kansas will be.

So I’m scheduling the Uhaul.

Small Uhaul truck with vehicle towing trailer that I sweatily load and unload in the middle of summer with my own man muscles (comes with free swamp ass while moving): $1,230

To have a box delivered to my house, loaded by people who aren’t me, moved across the country by people who aren’t me (who I presume must be paid), unloaded in Kansas by people who aren’t me, all while I lay back downing margaritas: $1,207

What the fuck?  How is the latter cheaper than the former?  Thanks to all of you for reading my blog so I can afford this.  :)

About JT Eberhard

When not defending the planet from inevitable apocalypse at the rotting hands of the undead, JT is a writer and public speaker about atheism, gay rights, and more. He spent two and a half years with the Secular Student Alliance as their first high school organizer. During that time he built the SSA’s high school program and oversaw the development of groups nationwide. JT is also the co-founder of the popular Skepticon conference and served as the events lead organizer during its first three years.

  • unbound55

    Welcome to ‘Merica where Capitalism* reigns supreme!

    * – Subject to severe lack of competition and other missing niceties needed to actually make capitalism work the way it was described to you in school. For any complaints regarding the current situation, please call 1-800-tgh-shit.

  • b33bl3br0x

    Occasionally you can talk the uhaul people into giving you the corporate rate where you don’t get charged for mileage. That would decrease the total by a few hundred bucks.

    Even then, it’s worth the difference for someone else to do it.

  • Ryan Hite

    Kansas….. Headquarters of WBC… And a large ball of twine!

  • Zugswang

    If you haven’t already scheduled it, you might get a quote from Penske. They generally have better rates if you’re looking to save some money.

  • Pain.Strumpet

    You’ve neglected to add the price of the margaritas to the cost of the latter plan.

    • Paul Hemphill

      Margaritas are a logical reward for doing the move by oneself, so logically they should be added in to both budgets.

  • Rob U

    If you think it through for a moment its actually economically beneficial for them if you pick number two, which is why they’ve priced it the way they have.

    In number one you pack everything and move it yourself and when you get to your destination you drop the trailer off at the local U-Haul. Someone then has to be dispatched to either pick up or drop off the trailer at the original location, particularly if the original location is in a busy enough place – the trailer could be in high demand and can’t be left at the new location in the hopes someone is going back that way.

    This costs U-Haul money as they now need to send an employee to make the reverse trip you just made, perhaps even two depending on the distance travelled, who will probably use their own car since the “official” vehicles are being rented out constantly. If an employee uses their car they’ll need to be reimbursed for their time and fuel, this cost is also reflected in the amount charged for option one.

    In number two they pack everything for you and unload it at your new destination, then they turn around and go home. Since they’ve gone there and back in a company vehicle they’ve eliminated the need to do the follow up trip and they can likely use the preferred corporate fuel rates since they’re using the company vehicle.

    The people moving your stuff will get paid the same whether they’re moving your stuff or you’re moving your stuff with them picking up the trailer later. So take advantage of it, pack all your stuff in boxes in the middle your living room, be there to help them pack the truck (to make sure they don’t manhandle it) and then at the end help them unload.

    Once your done offer to take them out dinner, or give them a good sized tip, and enjoy the fact you don’t have to haul your tired and weary self down the local U-Haul to drop off the trailer. :-)