More “miracles”: Virgin Mary appears on a cross. Children still starve. Thanks god!

There’s been an avalanche of stories lately of people believing completely mundane occurrences are miracles.  Have we learned our lesson?  Of course not!  Here’s a cross atop the Church of the Presentation of the Blessed Virgin Mary in Providence, Rhode Island:

This may appear as a corroded cross to you, but it’s actually a miracle (an act of god) that has people flocking to the church:

A steady stream of people gathered Friday in the rain at the Church of the Presentation of the Blessed Virgin Mary to witness what some believe is an image of the Virgin Mary holding baby Jesus.

“It’s her. It’s amazing,” said Zumma Canedo, of North Providence.

It’s a silhouette that looks vaguely like a woman (could be Mrs. Butterworth or Aunt Jemima) but more like a Nazgûl or the Grim Reaper, yet this person is certain, even though there are no facial features present (and as if even if the Virgin Mary had existed that anybody would know what she looked like to compare to the facial features that aren’t present on this cross) that it’s the Virgin Mary.

Canedo, a native of Bolivia, said she had prayed the rosary while standing in the rain outside the church on Mineral Spring Avenue. “She’s saying something,” Canedo said.

Can’t hear “her” saying anything (because corrosion doesn’t speak) and has no clue what “Mary” is saying even if she was, but is still certain that the pattern of corrosion on the cross is saying something.  Does she not think that wise ethereal figures, or even god, is incapable of being more clear?  If a message is important enough to convey, why can’t god convey it clearly?

Do these people think that god’s telling them to join the circus every time they see the face of a clown in a cloud?  Our brains look for patterns in things.  Is it so hard to believe that sometimes various natural processes might produce the outline of a woman?

So we have a perfectly mundane occurrence: corrosion on copper.  And yet…

Traffic backed up on the busy road, disrupting a funeral procession that was leaving the church at 11:30 a.m.

You wouldn’t get a line like that outside the laboratory that discovered the cure for cancer.  But corrosion on a cross in the vague shape of a woman and it’s enough to convince a lot of Catholics that we’ve received communication from god.

Asked if she believed it was Mary as she headed to the church, Andreozzi said: “We need a miracle the way this country is going, the turmoil that we are in. Absolutely, I believe.”

Our country is in turmoil and needs help, and how did the wisest being in the universe who loves us and has the capability to solve all our problems choose to help?  He could’ve made food grow in third world countries where children starve, but instead he went with tarnishing a piece of copper out in the elements in a shape that vaguely resembles a human (not absolutely resembles any particular human).  Absolutely Andreozzi thinks that sounds plausible!  Thanks god.

Also, congratulations to anybody who donated a single dollar to charity recently.  You have done something more effective and more demonstrative of concern for humanity than god’s miracle.  Well met.

If only there was an explanation for this cross more likely to be true than a god who decided to communicate in a way that doesn’t convey any information and to help our country in turmoil in a way that doesn’t fix anything.  Science, what do you got?

Brian Dowling, associate director at The Steel Yard, a nonprofit community arts program in Providence, said the discoloration is probably a chemical reaction.

“Like patina,” Dowling said referring to the tarnish that forms on copper from oxidation and other chemical reactions. Copper, Dowling said, yields a wide spectrum of colors, from greens to browns to reds.

Oh, this kind of thing happens all the time?  Oh.  I guess tarnish is a more flattering manifestation of god than aphid shit.

About JT Eberhard

When not defending the planet from inevitable apocalypse at the rotting hands of the undead, JT is a writer and public speaker about atheism, gay rights, and more. He spent two and a half years with the Secular Student Alliance as their first high school organizer. During that time he built the SSA’s high school program and oversaw the development of groups nationwide. JT is also the co-founder of the popular Skepticon conference and served as the events lead organizer during its first three years.

  • Zinc Avenger

    Just wait until the picture finishes developing and it is revealed as Galactus.

  • Loqi

    So it’s god that’s responsible for the small spot of rust on the passenger side of my car. What a bastard. That car is worth more than a human life! Of course, a life is only worth a few sheckels of silver in the bible, so that’s not really a high bar to clear.

  • Loqi

    I think I’m going to build my house out of stainless steel to keep the Jesus out.

  • unbound55

    This does point to a solid trend of their god losing strength.

    You had this being that created everything (pre-Old Testament) reduced to flooding the earth, killing entire races of people, speaking from burning bushes (Old Testament), then reduced to relatively basic magician’s tricks and raising one or two people from the dead (New Testament), and now only able to show up on things like toast.

    • Loqi

      He’s like an aging one-hit wonder band that now does gigs at weddings and kids’ birthday parties.

  • baal

    Where there is a lack of real signal*, little blips in the noise can be very exciting.

    Also, “I guess tarnish is a more flattering manifestation of god than aphid shit.” seems hilariously random if you (me?) can’t remember or don’t know about the post about aphid shit.

    *actual divine signs.

  • Dave, ex-Kwisatz Haderach

    Tarnish is a miracle now? Well then BREAKING NEWS: Despite being a giant pile of copper, the Statue of Liberty has turned green and forms the shape of the virgin Mary holding something, most likely the baby jeebus, in her arm. ITS A MIRACLE!!!

    I’ve stared at that cross pic for a while, and I’m not seeing anything vaguely humanoid. Am I being denied the vision as a result of my blasphemy?

  • Steve Ahlquist

    Here’s a video I made on site, with actual on scene audio of startled viewers. Also, there’s audio of the local right wing radio shock jock who promoted this thing for three hours on Friday morning:

    • Gehennah

      Wow, if this is her holding “Baby Jesus” then she isn’t much of a mother if she’s holding a child like that.

      And if anything, this is Popey in a robe, I mean look at that left arm.

    • Baby_Raptor

      That…does not at all look like a woman holding a baby.

    • unbound55

      I’ve got a pile of dog shit in my back yard that looks closer to a woman holding a baby than this. Should I call the local church? :-)

  • EvolutionKills

    If this is a miracle, then every 10+ year old car is just covered in miracles. Check out a high-school or college parking lot sometime, it’ll be filled with miracle covered decade old cars…

  • wombat

    I was sure it was a Dementor. The Dark Lord’s time is nigh!

  • JusticeGustin

    In god we rust.