I love my new therapist (who picked my file out of the intake folder because she thought it looked interesting). For the sake of anonymity when I write about my therapy sessions, let’s call her Katy Perry. Katy is extremely analytical, direct and to-the-point (but still with a sense of humor), big on evidence-based therapy, and not opposed to medication (she even directed me to a local clinic that could possibly get me back on my meds). All in all, I’m really optimistic.
The first few sessions with a new therapist are generally a Q&A where they get familiar with you and your condition so they know best how to treat you. On the blog I’ll write about how my condition affects me, but I won’t write about how it interacts with other people in my life because they didn’t ask for that. But with my therapist today I did talk about those things, and it hit me harder than I expected. I talked about what catalyzed my first suicide attempt (and the person who set me off) and I talked about friends in my own life who have become triggers for me (through no fault of their own). I felt guilty, but I needed to be honest in order to have the best chance of recovery (and I believe in honesty pretty much all the time anyway, even when it ain’t easy). And talking about those things, I think, helped me to accept them.
I’m a little woozy right now. The strain of discussing those things is balanced by happiness at having a good first session with Katy. It’s not magic, I’ve still only managed to eat about 150 calories of almonds today and am already dreading the next time I’m forced to eat, but I do believe it will get better – and this is the start of it.
Interesting story: Katy asked how Michaelyn and I get along. She asked what our fights were like and I think Katy was a bit shocked when I told her that Michaelyn and I don’t fight. We really don’t. We never have. If anything our “fights” look like this:
“Hey, you said this thing that made me feel this way.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, I’ll try not to do that again.”
“Awesome, let’s make out!”
I guess that’s just one more way in which we’re weird.
We talked about my obsession with the scale, and I think she’s going to want me to ask Michaelyn to hide the scale. We may just weigh myself once per week when I go in for my sessions. That will be hard.