Are you a Christian man? Don’t marry these types of women

Are you a man? Are you a Christian? Need a handy list of women to avoid? We’ve got you covered.

Here’s a list of 10 types of women that Christian men should avoid. Because 9 is too few, and 11 is too many.

The first entry is predictable (emphasis mine).

1. The Unbeliever

 Contrary to popular misconception, God’s prohibition against marriages to foreign women in the Old Testament was not due to racism.  Instead, God was simply preventing the spread of idolatry.

“Do not intermarry with them. Do not give your daughters to their sons or take their daughters for your sons, for they will turn your children away from following me to serve other gods, and the LORD’s anger will burn against you and will quickly destroy you” (Deut 7:3-4)

I can understand the reasoning. Christian culture is replete with isolation mechanisms. They can’t trust their members to properly process information (or maybe the problem is that they do), or trust that their position is adequately supportable… so the only defense left is to constantly retreat to Helm’s Deep.

OR, to give an alternative to the author’s advice, you, ChristianMan, could do Missionary dating – where you date/marry a person with the intention of getting that person emotionally invested, and then try to convert him/her.

So worry not, you have multiple options here.

2. The Divorcee

Jesus clearly taught that unless the first marriage ended due to a partner’s sexual infidelity, a second marriage is to be considered invalid and adulterous.  A divorced woman, therefore, is off limits for a Christian man–unrepentant adultery being a sin that prevents one from obtaining eternal life (1 Cor 6:9).  “If she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery” (Mark 10:12). “And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery” (Matthew 19:9).

He seems to be be assuming that the woman is the one who committed adultery. What if it was the man? I’m actually having difficulty understanding this. Let’s go through the bits.

  • A second marriage is invalid and adulterous unless the first marriage ended with a cheating partner. Doesn’t this imply that the non-cheating partner is in the clear?
  • If she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery” – no mention of who cheated.
  • And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery” – cheating clause enabled.

The woman apparently can’t win here.

3. The Older Woman

God expects men to be the spiritual leaders of the home (Eph 5:25) and it certainly requires an extra measure of grace to lead a woman who’s older than you.

I want to remind you that God intentionally (with good reason!) created Adam before Eve in the First Marriage.  Scripture informs us that God created man first chronologically for the sake of authority!  Listen:  “I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve” (1 Timothy 2:12-13).

Why does God hate women so much? I think it was the apple incident.

Wouldn’t this have the effect of disproportionately leaving some women unable to marry for the sin of being alive too long? Well, at least we can take solace in knowing that if they were proper Christian women, they’d have married early, or have been betrothed or something… so if an older woman isn’t married yet, it’s clearly her fault, and we don’t have to concern ourselves.

The author follows up:

Apparently, even secular researchers are now beginning to discover results that back up biblical claims: “If you’re a woman two or more years older than your husband, your marriage is 53 percent more likely to end in divorce than if he was one year younger to three years older.”

Well, I’m looking at that research paper now. That quote does not appear in the paper. It’s possible they’re quoting someone who read it? Let’s see… ah, here we go:

Age difference. Many studies show that disparities in age between husband and wife are associated with higher rates of divorce. This is especially true if a man is significantly younger than his wife (Chan and Halpin 2003; Lehrer 2008; Teachman 2002).

Here’s what the data table says, at the end of the paper.

  • Husband 1 year younger to 3 years older — 9.5% separation (divorce)
  • Husband 2+ years younger — 16.9%

He didn’t mention this one:

  • Husband 9+ years older — 16.8%

Maybe it’s just age difference?

Those older women are trouble, I tell you. If you want a marriage to succeed, you clearly can’t depend on the woman to be reliable. It’s not like the aforementioned authoritarian desire to control the relationship, that you as a good, Christian man, are supposed to be cultivating, would be the cause for the divorce.

This may be due to differences in values associated with birth cohort, or marital strain caused by power imbalances within the union (Bumpass and Sweet 1970).

Ah.

4. The Feminist

Though women and men have equal value in the eyes of God (Gal 3:28), they certainly have different God-given roles.  Any woman who tries to usurp her husband’s authority or even claims to be a co-leader with her man is gravely dishonoring the God who created her to be subject and obedient to her husband (Eph 5:22, Col 3:18, 1 Pet 3:1).

By all that is holy and good! Next thing you know, they’ll be asking for the right to vote, or have some level of ability to determine their own lives!

Please look beyond the fact that the word “value” here sounds unintelligible. You see, it’s like the difference between being a President/Prime Minister, and being a soldier. They’re equal value roles, it’s just that women are automatically assigned to the latter, whether they like it or not. Soldiers cannot become Presidents, for Christ’s sake!

5. The Sexy-Dresser

Sexy might inadvertently catch your eyeballs, but it shouldn’t catch your heart.  The way that a woman is willing to expose herself says much about her heart: “And behold, the woman meets him, dressed as a prostitute, wily of heart” (Proverbs 7:10).  The text in Proverbs explains that a woman will dress in a certain way to catch a certain type of man.  Don’t be that man.  Don’t be the fool who’s led by his hormones instead of the Holy Spirit.  Remember: you want godly, not gaudy.

It’s science that women dress only to provoke sexuality. At no point do they do so because they’re just more comfortable that way, like men walking around shirtless, or are trying to regulate their body temperatures.

Just think for a moment. Do really want to marry a woman who doesn’t totally compensate for environmental temperatures through sweat?

Plus, woman sexuality is icky. Interdimensional ForeskinWizard says so.

6. The Loud-Mouth

I’m…  starting to pick up a pattern here.

Women may love to talk, but there’s wisdom in looking for a woman who speaks with wisdom. Gossip and slander are not good things to have in your marriage. Desperate housewives make for desperate husbands.  “Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not.” (1 Timothy 5:13).

We already covered the “women have to sit down and shut up” rule, so this may be a redundant list entry.

7. The Child-Hater

Do not marry a woman who is not willing to have children.  In the Christian worldview, there is absolutely no room for two married, biologically capable, human beings to remain intentionally child-less.

… but what if you, as the man, don’t want children?

If you are adverse towards having children, then there’s a simple remedy for that: single-hood. However, if God has called you to marriage, then He actually expects children.

Okay, what if both of you want children, but you can’t have any? God works in mysterious ways, I guess.

This one should be fairly straight forward. Like going out to shop for a car, why would you buy one that doesn’t work? That’s what a car is for, right? Women are the same – they have a planet-drowning psycho’s designated role for women – making babies.

Do you just love a woman and just want to be with her, and don’t want to deal with poop factories? Too damn bad. Jesus may be about love, but you aren’t. You have a protocol to follow.

8. The Wander-Luster

There’s nothing wrong with the occasional family vacation.  There is something very wrong with a girl who regularly needs to be “out of the home.”  The constant desire for new experiences, new places, new faces, and new forms of entertainment only serves to clearly manifest the fact that the woman has not found her rest in God.  Believe it or not, Scripture speaks repeatedly about such women:  “She is loud and wayward; her feet do not stay at home” (Proverbs 7:11); “Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also busybodies who talk nonsense, saying things they ought not to” (1 Timothy 5:13).

The threat is real. Women who aren’t contented to be stored in the closet, and pulled out when they need to be used, are more likely to leave you. Your life must be more interesting than hers.

There’s also a possibility that she might learn too much about the world, and find you small-minded and limiting. That spells trouble.

9. The Career Woman

Now, I want to clarify something here.  There is nothing wrong with a woman who works (Acts 16:14), what’s wrong is a woman who puts her career ahead of her family.  Modern American society might hate to hear this, but God made men to be the providers and women to be the nurturers of the home (in most instances).  It’s okay for a woman to be a doctor, attorney, or any other professional.  However, if her career is coming at the expense of her home, then something is wrong.  If day-care is raising her young children while she’s working, then something is wrong.

Since maximizing global overpopulation is our ultimate goal, we can’t have something like financial security getting in the way of the only reason for women’s existence: wailing lizard production.

In fact, that secular study we mentioned before says something about this.

Additionally, educated wives are more likely to have the resources required to survive post-married life, which reduces their marital utility relative to the utility of becoming single.

You see, if your woman isn’t dependent upon you, she’s more likely to divorce you. Lists, like this article, should help you find vulnerable women who you can bend to your will through threats of financial ruin if she doesn’t do what you say. If she has her own career, this is much more difficult.

She might have her own life goals, and think that feeling fulfilled in her life goes beyond satisfying your every whim, as a man, but that’s just Satan speaking.

And finally,

10. The Devotion-less Woman

Is the woman having a regular, daily devotional time with her God?  If she doesn’t love the Lord now, chances are, she won’t love the Lord after marriage.  (Don’t delude yourself–you’re not going to change her.)  You want to marry a girl who has an intimate relationship with Jesus.  Jesus (not you) has to be the first man in her life.  Here are some good questions to ask: Does she have an active prayer life?  Does she have a heart for evangelism?  Is she hungry for God’s Word?  What does her pastor think about her?

If she’s not totally absorbed into your religion, she may as well be an atheist. So, it’s not just the explicit unbelievers to watch out for – it’s anyone who isn’t obsessed with it.

The author of the article may sound like he’s advocating for the infidelity of your wife. No – it’s a spiritual relationship. When we say “having an intimate relationship” with Jesus, we don’t mean that Jesus is banging your wife. It’s just that, Jesus has ownership of her first, then you.

By following this step, you have successfully ensured that you’ve gotten a woman who is compatible with you ruling her life.

 

I have to admit, if this list wasn’t endorsed by a dusty old broze-age book, that says an invisible genocidal maniac wants these things… this list might seem somewhat petty.

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