Obama and President Xi Jinping of China commit to Paris climate agreement.

Obama being Obama and trying to get the world on board with fighting global warming: President Obama and President Xi Jinping of China formally committed the world’s two largest economies to the Paris climate agreement here on Saturday, cementing their partnership on climate change and offering a rare display of harmony in a relationship that has [Read More…]

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Conservative icon Phyllis Schlafly is dead at 92.

Let’s start the day with the elephant in the room: Phyllis Schlafly is dead. For those wondering who she was or the impact she had on our country, I’ll start with one of the most pernicious examples. Schlafly was largely responsible for the failure of the Equal Rights Amendment in the 1970s. She once told [Read More…]

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MORNING HAPPINESS: Three babies.

Top of the morning, everybody! Toddler dies after dogs maul him; dog owner arrested [Read more…]

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FEC sends letter to god asking him to prove he exists.

The Federal Election Commission has been put in the awkward spot of having to ask god if he exists: As part of a Federal Election Commission crackdown on fake presidential candidates (remember Deez Nuts?), officials sent a letter to the Staten Island address where God’s campaign manager apparently lives. “It has come to the attention [Read More…]

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Founder of Latinos for Trump threatens taco trucks on every corner if Hillary gets elected.

Marco Gutierrez, the founder of Latinos for Trump, said in an interview with Chris Hayes that if we don’t take care of our problems (read: if we elect Hillary) we’re going to have taco trucks on every corner: Latinos for Trump founder @MarcoGutierrez: “you’re gonna have taco trucks on every corner” #inners https://t.co/Vifo3q7Ah8 — All [Read More…]

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Scam artist preacher David E. Taylor claims to have raised a woman from the dead…with a text message.

You guys remember David Taylor? He’s the head of Joshua Media Ministries. He’s a megachurch pastor who, in his propaganda, looks like this: Want to know how Trump could get elected? Because a significant portion of the population thinks this shit is legit. However, in depositions about the misuse of his ministries funds, Taylor looks like [Read More…]

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It didn’t take Hillary’s team long to make hay of Trump’s unfortunate trip to Mexico.

Trump met with Mexico’s President the other day. It…didn’t go well. And it didn’t take Hillary’s team long to come out with a pretty brutal ad capitalizing on it: As a candidate, Trump has already embarrassed us on the world stage. Imagine the damage he’d do as president. pic.twitter.com/nmOVOboTYf — Hillary Clinton (@HillaryClinton) September 2, [Read More…]

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MORNING HAPPINESS: Three chicks at the same time.

Good morning, everybody! 3 chicks in a handpalm [Read more…]

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Tell me what songs to sing at Apostacon’s Meat Ball! :)

This year at Apostacon’s Meat Ball in Omaha Matt Dillahunty will be doing magic and I’ll be singing along with my wife and guitar guru JJ Cantrell of KC’s The Phantastics. If you’re free on September the 17th, you should grab a ticket. And all of you should put in your requests for what we ought [Read More…]

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MORNING HAPPINESS: Cheeseburger sushi.

Last night we had guests, so I tried an experiment. We start with the rice: Strips: Apply ninja training: One pound of venison. Lean and clean: Give it the Thor treatment. Beat that meat: Tasty meat waffle: Given my previous pun… Break up the meat. It needs to be finer than your web crush. Dicing: [Read More…]

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The rest of what’s going on in the world: too much to cram into a title.

Buckle up, kiddos! While yesterday the news was a ghost town, today the crazy has been flowing like Fabio’s hair. Bill Nye is getting his own science show on Netflix! Texas’ District Attorney says vaccines “can and do cause autism.” In the sensible world (read: not Texas) a person’s political career might be hurt for [Read More…]

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Not joking – Public Policy Polling: 31% of Trump voters favor a wall in the ocean to keep out Muslims.

The following is the very reason the phrase, “I can’t even” was conceived: It’s widely known that Trump voters support building a wall on the border with Mexico to keep undocumented immigrants out of the country. We find that 31% of them also support building a wall along the Atlantic Ocean to keep Muslims from [Read More…]

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OKC woman kills her daughter by shoving a crucifix down her throat to expunge demons.

This post is gonna get kinda gory. You’ve been warned. Oklahoma City Police arrived at a very gruesome murder scene this last weekend: Court documents just released Monday afternoon reveal the horror officers encounteredwhen they arrived to the home Saturday afternoon. They state police found Geneva lying in the home with a large crucifix upon her [Read More…]

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Woman who beat her 7-year-old with a coat hanger invoking religious freedom as her defense.

An Indiana woman is citing religious freedom as a defense for beating her seven-year-old with a coat hanger: An Indianapolis woman who beat her 7-year-old son with a coat hanger is citing Indiana’s religious freedom law as a defense against felony child abuse charges, saying her choice of discipline comes straight from her evangelical Christian beliefs. The woman [Read More…]

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