Any time I have the audacity to critique the words or actions of a pastor, I receive a barrage of spirited emails perpetuating the all-too-familiar theme, “How dare you question a man of God?” Or, “It’s not your place to judge, ‘vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord.'” Indeed, according the Bible, the Lord is always ready to dole out petty poo-poo punishments to petulant pastors and priests.
Finally – a Bible story that isn’t about rape, murder, incest, racism, or misogyny. Some passages are just light-hearted fun or even quite instructional! After all, isn’t this where we get the idea of potty training dogs by rubbing their noses in it? To me, this story certainly says a lot about how God sees his “children” on earth. Bad Human, Bad!
Isn’t it funny how churches will gladly exploit the very next chapter of Malachi to preach all about the importance of tithing properly (because God is mad that is followers are “stealing” from Him) but conveniently forget to mention this lovely passage just a few verses earlier? Of course, it’s likely no coincidence that a story about tithing directly follows a grim reminder of God’s demeaning intimidation tactics, designed to ensure ongoing compliance (and that beautiful jingle-jangle sound of 10% hitting the collection plate every Sunday).
As a recently lapsed Christian it gives me the giggles that a recent study by Pew Research estimates there currently over 2 billion Christians who choose to worship this dung-flinging deity. Though, in their defense, they’ve likely never been exposed to this particular passage of God’s unending love in church. (That’s why we’re here.)
Personally, I could never train a dog this way. But, then again – I’m merely human. Who am I to question the Lord?
“Do as I say or I will rub your noses in sh*t!” – God
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Remember: Don’t blame us, it’s in the Bible!
This illustration and a short commentary can be found in
Awkward Moments (Not Found In Your Average) Children’s Bible – Vol #2.