To sleep, perchance to Dream, or not

^{Faking sleep at the Fort Wayne Children’s Zoo safari exhibit.}

It’s the little things.

I just now took my “nighttime” meds. This is bad. I’m just guessing here, but I’d imagine that for some people, this kind of mix-up is probably no big deal. (Not to mention that most people probably don’t take daily medications, let alone different medications in the morning and at night.) Morning meds, night meds, it’s all just medication, right? Not for me. One of the meds I take at night, thirty minutes before I’m hoping to fall asleep, is Seroquel. One of its side effects is drowsiness, which my doctor and I decided to use to my advantage (because I have a lot of bi-polar related sleep difficulties) by having me take it at bed time. It helps me both fall and stay asleep. This is really great, because these are two areas that I’ve consistently had trouble with in my bi-polar journey. Sleeping all night really helps me have a better day, because I’m less likely to take a nap, which in turn leads me to not getting enough sleep at night. And so on.

But now, I’ve just taken the Seroquel. Now. In the morning. Potentially, I might be sleeping all day. Which would suck. Or, I might just be drowsy all day. Which would still suck.

When I’m actually in a good mood, I want to do one of two things. Maybe both. I either want to get a bunch of things done (which is good, because I don’t really get anything done when I’m depressed), or I want to do something fun (which is also good, because I usually don’t do any fun things when I’m depressed). When it’s hard for me to get these done during depressed periods, it’s also hard for me to do these things when I really feel like going to sleep all day. Ugh.

I’m trying to look on the bright side right now, or the daytime side, or any side which works. Some years ago, I had been on Seroquel and was taking a higher dose than I am now. So there is a distinct possibility that I may not get to the point where nothing happens all day because I’m too tired. Or maybe, because I’ve just slept eight hours, I won’t want to sleep any more, and I’ll have a productive, fun-filled (the two are not necessarily mutually exclusive).

However…

I have another problem. (And here you were, thinking there was only one. That is just so sweet. Really.) I am highly suggestible about certain things. Like how my day is going to go. If I wake up and don’t do certain things by a certain time, then the day is going to suck. The whole day. Everything is ruined and I may as well forget it. It’s over.

This is senseless. My rational mind knows that I can take a shower after ten o’clock and still get tons of stuff done because hey, it’s only eleven. The ridiculous mind (which usually wins—don’t ask why—I haven’t figured that one out yet) says all the bullshit and I always listen to it. Almost always, anyway.

What this boils down to today is that on top of having some potential side-effect sleepiness, I also have to combat my brain telling me that I just might be sleepy and did I really think I was going to get something done today, anyway?

Still, there is more than a distinct possibility that everything will go really great. That’s what I’m hoping for, anyway.