As Jewish believers celebrated Purim this past week, I finished my reading of the Greek version of Esther. It’s a much better version than the Protestant canonical one—one that I hadn’t read before. There’s so much to say about this amazing book, especially at Purim which celebrates its events. Today, I want to focus on how to apologize like a king.
Reason to Apologize
The Persian King Xerxes from the movie 300 had a lot of reasons to apologize. But he got good practice at saying sorry just a couple of years prior to the famous battle of Thermopylae, in 480 BCE. The grossly exaggerated Xerxes of Zack Snyder’s horrifically violent film is the same Artaxerxes I or Ahasuerus from the book of Esther.
This remarkable book paints the Jewish Queen Esther as the hero who foils a plot by the evil grand vizier Haman. He plots the overthrow of Artaxerxes’ kingdom and genocide against the Jewish people. In the end, he winds up impaled on the same pole he had erected for the queen’s uncle Mordecai.
The book of Esther ends with a famous admission of guilt circulated by the king, who had reason to apologize. In this encyclical, the king expresses regret for allowing the villain Haman to convince him to issue an edict of genocide against the Jewish people. Though he is unable to completely rescind the order of attack against Esther’s people (the king’s word is law), he circulates a second message, apologizing for the first order. He tells his subjects not to commit this atrocity and gives the Jewish people permission to defend themselves. He also promises reinforcements to help the Jews—effectively deterring any attack. Jewish people celebrate Esther’s triumph, Haman’s defeat, and their salvation from annihilation annually at the festival of Purim.
Maybe you’ve never ordered genocide—I certainly hope not! But perhaps you have reason to apologize to someone you’ve hurt. The Greek version of the Book of Esther gives four ways to apologize like a king:
1. Admit Your fault
If you have hurt someone, the first thing to do is admit your fault. While claiming sincere goodwill, Artaxerxes admits that he was naïve and gullible. Referring to insurrectionists, Artaxerxes says, “these persons by the false trickery of their evil natures beguile the sincere goodwill of their sovereigns (emphasis mine) (Addition E, 16:6) *.” It’s unusual for a king to admit he was wrong about reading a person’s character. Artaxerxes must eat crow when he admits that Haman fooled him. If you’ve done something wrong, the first step to an apology is to admit your fault.
2. Affirm Your Respect
When you can be sincere, don’t forget to affirm people as you apologize. Artaxerxes writes about “Mordecai, our savior and perpetual benefactor, and of Esther, the blameless partner of our kingdom (Addition E, 16:13).” Further, he writes, “But we find that the Jews, who were consigned to annihilation by this thrice-accursed man, are not evildoers, but are governed by most righteous laws and are children of the living God (Addition E, 16:15-16b).”
Of course, people can see through flattery. Nobody wants you to grovel or suck up to them by slathering on false compliments. But carefully worded affirmations of respect for those you have hurt can demonstrate your honest appreciation of them as a person.
3. Focus on the Future
Remember that your apology isn’t only about what you’ve done. It should include a focus on the future. Artaxerxes writes, “In the future we will take care to render our kingdom quiet and peaceable for all, by changing our methods and always judging what comes before our eyes with more equitable consideration (Addition E, 16:8-9).” The king vows to change both his methods and mindset, moving forward. In your apology, determine to examine both of those things yourself. Then commit to applying this analysis to the way you behave in the days ahead.
4. Make Amends
Saying sorry isn’t good enough if you don’t do something to make it right. Artaxerxes speaks directly to the people whom the vizier had inspired to violence against the Jews: “You will therefore do well not to put in execution the letters sent by Haman son of Hammedatha, since he, the one who did these things, has been hanged at the gate of Susa (Addition E, 16:17-18a).”
Even though he can’t legally revoke his order, he tells the people not to follow it. Further, he says, “Therefore post a copy of this letter publicly in every place, and permit the Jews to live under their own laws. And give them reinforcements, so that on the thirteenth day of the twelfth month, Adar, on that very day, they may defend themselves against those who attack them at the time of oppression (emphasis mine) (Addition E, 16:19-20).”
Finally, the king puts teeth to his new order, saying, “Every city and country, without exception, which does not act accordingly shall be destroyed in wrath with spear and fire. It shall be made not only impassable for human beings, but also most hateful to wild animals and birds for all time (Addition E, 16:24).” Even though he issued the first edict, his subjects would be fools to carry it out, given the new order.
If you have hurt someone, you need to admit your fault, show your respect, and focus on the future. But it’s all just words if you don’t put your money where your mouth is. Artaxerxes didn’t just say he would change—he proved it by his actions. When you follow up your apology with action, taking care to make things right, you prove that your words are sincere.
Words to Remember
In the fictional movie 300, Xerxes threatens the Greeks, saying, “Ever piece of Greek parchment shall be burned. Every Greek historian, and every scribe shall have their eyes pulled out, and their tongues cut from their mouths.” It’s a good thing that’s fiction—it would have been a shame if we didn’t have the Greek version of Esther that depicts the king so favorably. Through this book, we can remember Artaxerxes’ healing words.
It’s unusual to focus on what we can learn from a notable tyrant like Artaxerxes. However, in this case, he teaches us how to apologize like a king. If you’re hurt someone by your actions, inaction, or words, it’s time for you to make it right. If you do, it won’t just be your words that are remembered–but your deeds as well.
*Quotes taken from the NRSV Greek Version of Esther.
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