Daily Hilarity: Infinite Gest Looks Back At 2009

Daily Hilarity: Infinite Gest Looks Back At 2009 January 7, 2010

Click here for a truly hilarious look at social trends and events in 2009. The whole thing is hilarious, here are just a few bits to entice you to read the whole thing:

Movie that I loved from 2009 that I’m bound to hate by the end of 2010, thanks to Facebook:

The Hangover

I adore this flick at the moment. But every time I read someone quoting it, a piece of my soul dies. Quoting films is meant to be an intimate, special experience somewhere between “Sitting on a dock with your feet dangling in the water” and “Sex with candles in the background”. Like these things, quoting films works best when there’s like 3-8 people involved. Once everyone in fucking existence starts doing it, it loses its charm. Think about this for a moment. Have you ever seen a dock of like 47 people, all of them dangling their feet into the water? No, you haven’t. Because the movie JAWS taught us that young people kicking their feet in the water en masse is a terrible idea. Have you ever seen a 58 person orgy with scented candles burning? Oh, I’m sorry…did you say something? I can’t hear you because YOU ARE FUCKING ON FIRE!!!!

My social attitude towards gaming is pretty much aligned with the military’s policy towards homosexuality. Don’t ask, don’t tell. Now, if I’m with a room with a fellow gamer, I’m more than happy to stand in the corner and quietly talk about games like the truly repressed nerd I am. I like to pretend that I’m an underground member of the French Revolution; an unsuspecting nobleman of means who secretly funds and aids the resistance movement. But around these “grown up, normal folk” who apparently went from 21 to 47 in as long of time as it took them to open the package that contained their Bachelor’s degree, I’m pretty discreet. As such, I talk about grown up things like stocks, ironing clothes, and hating the rest of my life.

And then this Farmville thing came along and changed everything. Suddenly I’m seeing that, “Walter made FRESH GOAT’S MILK in FARMVILLE! “ and “Bobby KILLED A LOCAL CRIME BOSS in MOB WARS!!!!”. Normal, productive members of society have these things broadcast on their facebook page. When did this become acceptable? There’s a reason I never made a facebook status saying, “ERIK just beat the CPU 86-3 in MADDEN 10 for the FOURTH TIME TODAY!” or “ERIK just acquired a MAGE STAFF in FINAL FANTASY 26 and TURNED HIS OPPONENT INTO ICE before SHATTERING HIM with a POWER BOMB SPELL!”. That reason is because the part of my brain that feels shame and self-respect is still working.

Kanye West vs. Taylor Swift

Come back in time with me now. It’s early September. I’m finishing up some Chinese food(I’m very open minded towards the cuisines of far-off lands). I fire up the old facebook to see if the girl who complains about her life all the time is complaining about her life this particular evening…or if the guy who is usually “doin mAd work” was, in fact, “doin mAd work” once again. To my surprise, I don’t see what I normally see in the status feed. No sir. I see status after status absolutely tearing apart Kanye West. I’m talking some really vile stuff. There were ridiculous references to lynchings, racial slurs dropped, and all kinds of insanity. So, naturally, I assumed what any logical person would assume from reading such hateful, violent ramblings: KANYE WEST HAS RAPED EVERY PERSON I AM FRIENDS WITH ON FACEBOOK AND ALL OF THEIR FAMILY MEMBERS AND PETS!!!

Read the whole thing.

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