How Not To React To Gay People

How Not To React To Gay People June 19, 2010

From Craigslist (in a post has since been flagged and taken down, so I’m glad I took the liberty of reproducing it unedited here), comes a humorous lesson in the form of a likely apocryphal story:

A mutual friend of ours threw a big party for her 30th birthday, tons of people were there and it was a lot of fun. Somewhere along the line you and I ended up on the balcony for some fresh air at the same time. We started chatting; we talked about sports, books, tv – discovered we both are about to start our masters degrees and spent some time debating the pro’s and con’s of the educational system. We talked about hanging out sometime, and you wanted to meet my girlfriend.

I understand how upsetting it was for you when I blinked mildly in surprise and said I was here with my husband. I know it was a shock to your system, if your face had turned any paler I might have called 911. You made a good recovery though – that hurried mutter of “I’m not like that” was very polite and you only knocked over two drinks and one vase in your hurry to rush to anywhere other than near me. I can’t blame you – I forgot how delicate you straight boys are. So I wanted to give you a few helpful hints about where you went wrong last night.

1) As a general rule we don’t walk around with big signs around our neck proclaiming our sexuality. No scarlet letters, no scent of hellfire and brimstone… sorry about that.

2) We do not generally assume that everyone within 5 feet of us must also be homosexual – it was nice of you to immediately reassure me that you are hetero, but it was really unnecessary.

3) Homosexuality is not infectious. While I am sure you meant no disrespect with your hasty departure; in the future you can rest assured that taking a few extra seconds in your mad dash for safety will not result in you being turned gay. It will however keep you from destroying expensive vases and knocking over senior citizens.

4) This next one may come as a surprise; but you are not, in fact, irresistible. The fact that you have a dick does not instantly turn me into a bundle of uncontrolled lust. Contrary to popular opinion, being in the same room with a straight man does not cause a gay man to instantly lose all common sense and basic common courtesy. Though I am not so sure about the reverse.

5) Homosexuals in general get a little irked when people treat us like some sort of leper. Rushing to another mutual friend of ours and advising him of my sexuality, so he could be “forewarned” was really uncalled for.

6) Upon being told (by said mutual friend) to stop being an idiot and that you were not my type anyway… it generally confuses the issue when you then proceed to become upset that I DON’T find you attractive. Three seconds ago you were running through a crowd of people with your hands cupped protectively over your junk as if I might attack you at any moment with a blowjob. See hint number 4.

7) We homosexuals have an odd sense of humor – I can’t help that. Something about watching you freak out as if all the demons of hell were after you just struck me as vastly amusing.

8 ) While being pissed at me for dissolving into uncontrollable laughter might be understandable… gathering a couple guys together to “teach the fag a lesson” is not.

9) You might also want to drink a little less and be a little more careful about the guys you approach for your little proto-hate-mob

10) Assuming the two tall muscle-bound bruisers must be uber-hetero and just as appalled by my presence as you was your first mistake. It was an understandable one though. How were you to know that pflag tshirt the first guy was wearing wasn’t a sports team? Also the rainbow ring the second guy was wearing could have meant anything I am sure.

11) In retrospect I suppose that upon hearing your not very subtle hate-talk and seeing who you were heading for; I could have said something instead of just laughing harder. I apologize for that. I should have just introduced you to my husband instead of letting you walk up to him and ask him if he wanted to help you teach “that fag over there” a lesson. I hope that broken nose heals up cleanly.

Thanks to Claudia and Daxx for the great find.

Cathartic stories about homophobes getting their due comeuppance aside, if you want to see a (very long) vigorous and rigorous defense of gay marriage in philosophical and ethical terms, please read this post.

Shorter than that post, here is a list of the best original posts on gay issues from Camels With Hammers:

Why “Loving The Sinner But Hating The Sin” Is Not An Option When Dealing With Gay People

Bishop of Church of England Doesn’t “Share Same Faith” As Those Who Accept Homosexuality

A Follow Up Post On Gays And Christianity

Confronting Conservative Christians With The Consequences Of Their Homophobia

Happy National Coming Out Day 2009!

Gays and Christianity 3: If God Exists and Is Good, He Cannot Oppose Gay Love

No Gay Kissing On Modern Family?

Contortions Of Catholic Philosophy: Eve Tushnet Argues Gay Sex Is Not OK But Sex Changes Are

Unreal Discrimination?

On The Incoherence Of Divine Command Theory And Why Even If God DID Make Things Good And Bad, Faith-Based Religions Would Still Be Irrelevant

Leviticus, Biblical literalism, and it’s all drivel propagated by delusional bigots who need something, anything to validate their beliefs

Some of the most interesting LGBT relevant material aggregated on Camels With Hammers:

The Problem of Muslim Homophobia In Britain

Sam Brinton On Coming Out At 10 And Going Into Aversion Therapy

Zach Wahls, Son Of Lesbians, Testifies To Iowa Legislature

Techniques Meant To “Cure” Homosexuality

David Hyde Pierce On His Marriage And Prop 8

Dan Savage On Gay Adoption

Louis C.K. Shreds Homophobia

Andrew Sullivan Making The Case For Gay Marriage Back In 1997

Should Gays Have Kids?

No “No Homo”

Inequality Is Okay If It Makes You Not Gay

Blaming The Victims Of Anti-Gay Violence

Give To Save Gay Teens’ Lives

What It Really Means To Tell Gays To “Resist Their Temptation”

David Boies Discusses The Prop 8 Overruling

Gay Sex And Reality

LGBT Teens Often Kicked Out Of Homes, End Up In Detention, And Are Abused

Gay Rights Advocate Decapitated In Uganda

On Caring For Our Transsexual Friends

On The “Compassion” In The Catholic Bishops’ Letter To Congress Against Gay Rights

Daily Hilarity: The Perils Of Lesbianity

Rejecting The Ex-Gay Movement

A Gay Blogger Undercover At “Love Won Out”

On The “Compassion” In The Catholic Bishops’ Letter To Congress Against Gay Rights

Gay Marriage = Religious Freedom

Man Fired For Telling Coworker Her Homosexuality Was “Bad Stuff”

Scott Lively, American Who Fomented Ugandan Homophobia

Missionaries of Hate

Bill O’Reilly Compares Gays To Al-Qaeda

Should Religions Be Exempt From Laws Otherwise Applicable To Others?

Maggie Gallagher Gloats About Maine

Two American Heroes Weigh In On Same-Sex Marriage

Bishop Spong Releases Manifesto Resolving Not To Legitimize Homophobia By Debating It

Iraq Has Become The “Worst Place On Earth For Homosexuals”

Love, Religious Style

Silent Partners

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