We atheists are often accused of not taking on any serious theological arguments but picking on the low hanging fruit—the superstitious mythical obviously false bullshit that actual ordinary believers actually believe. We are assured that if only we engaged the serious thinkers of the great faiths we would have to respect the depth of what these theologies are really about.
I admit, I am a theology drop out of sorts. I was about 8/10 of the way to a Christian Thought major to complement my Philosophy major from Grove City College when the complexities were too deep for me and in my foolishness I decided that there was no truth to all that theology. I am assured it must have just been way too far over my head, so you know, I kick myself that my brain wasn’t big enough to comprehend the mysteries—or is it that my pride was too big to accept the profundity of the mysteries as they were? I don’t know, it’s all too deep for me.
Today I have decided it’s time to do you, my fellow benighted atheists, a favor and offer you quotes which explain dazzling and enriching insights into God and reality which exceed my own befuddled foolish atheist brain. I will do my best to try and eek out a little interpretation of what the ideas mean but, well, boy, theology is hard! I cannot promise to comprehend it all. You will have to understand a lot of it without my help, if you can.
“A decade ago, it seemed the side of darkness had conquered,” said New York Archbishop Timothy M. Dolan, noting that time has proven that “the side of angels, not demons” has prevailed.
“There were no atheists here on 9/11 in New York,” he said. “My message today is that God has the last word.”
So this is amazing, revelatory stuff that inverts everything I thought I knew. Or I think it does. I need your help in figuring out if it does! I thought the Christian position would be that “9/11 was bad” (forgive me for putting it so crudely, I am not a theologian myself). But now apparently it turns out that the “side of darkness” seemed to have “conquered” New York before 9/11 and then God used 9/11 to make atheists disappear from New York on that day. So, God’s angels, not demons, prevailed on 9/11 because it got rid of all the atheists.And what is most astonishing and mind blowing about this is that I distinctly remember (or think I remember) actually being in New York on 9/11 and being an atheist at the same time. And, no lie, I have remained here in New York for a decade. So, this must be one of those theological mysteries which must be true even though our tiny minds don’t grasp them. I was both here and not here. Or maybe I was (or have been for a decade?) both fully atheist and fully-not-atheist because of the magic of God’s angels on 9/11, like the way the way Jesus is said to be mysteriously “fully God and fully man” because of his magic incarnational powers. And my full incarnation/full obliteration also makes 9/11 an expression of God’s will by which he was victorious over atheism.
I also thought that 9/11 increased atheism in New York and elsewhere by making fundamentalist religion look terrible and violent and dangerous and inspiring previously complacent and passive atheists to start some “New Atheist” movement or something. Is Sam Harris really a Christian? Or an angel of God? I’m so confused.
If only clergy like Archbishop Dolan had been allowed at the 9/11 Memorial maybe he could have explained to any grieving atheists there or the family of atheist victims of 9/11 that God made them not exist that day and that that was God’s purpose for the heinous murders of that day! That would have been so consoling and clarifying for everyone! It would have finally explained how that evil fit the omnibenevolent God’s merciful and gracious master plan!
I admit my first response was to be a bit skeptical about this theory, thinking maybe this was just that stupid misunderstanding of theology one gets from most religious believers and not the real theologians who know and tell us what the stupid everyday believers really mean by their beliefs. But then I remembered this is an Archbishop of New York City, not some low level flunky speaking above his authority. So, this must be the kind of deep theology that is just over my head.
Boy, theology is hard.