Did You Hear? North Korea’s “Brilliant Comrade” Got a Haircut!

Did You Hear? North Korea’s “Brilliant Comrade” Got a Haircut! February 20, 2015

kim jong un haircut north koreaThe Hermit Kingdom’s Brilliant Comrade, Kim Jong Un, is rocking a new hairstyle that is big news. One source critiqued it this way: “The style is a variation on Kim’s signature shaved sides, but with the top now sculpted into a high, wedge-shaped pompadour that sits atop Kim’s head like a hat, or perhaps a small, dormant woodland creature.”

Some speculate that he’s trying to look more like his grandfather, the founder of North Korea and still its “Eternal President.” Grandfather Kim was a revolutionary hero, and Li’l Kim may be using his new hairdo to declare that he’s maturing into that role.

Why so much excitement over a haircut? Because North Korea is a dangerous and unstable enemy, and there’s so little information that even something this trivial is parsed for clues.

Remind you of Someone?

And that’s also the Christian’s task. They have their own unpredictable Great Leader whose intentions they must infer from minimal clues. Christians become pigeons in a B.F. Skinner experiment, where intermittent reinforcement produced better results than continuous reinforcement. The dribbles of approval they infer falling from God’s table are enough to keep them eager for more.

Kim’s uncle was executed a year ago, presumably with Kim’s approval. Similarly, God is also dangerous, and Christians unashamedly admit that he’s killed millions. But, like the North Koreans who wept genuine tears at the death of the previous leader in 2011, Christians are quick to justify God’s actions. Someone’s child dies? Their faith is strengthened. The Canaanite genocide? Those bastards had plenty of chances. The Flood? They deserved what they got. In fact, God’s actions are good by definition.

I wonder if they say that about Kim in North Korea.

North Korea is officially the “Democratic People’s Republic of Korea,” but how can a dictatorship be democratic? I suppose in the same way that Yahweh the genocidal murderer is “all loving.”

Don’t we have better, more tangible things to talk about in North Korea than a haircut? Instead of the hair, we could ask about the quality of life of North Koreans. And instead of God worship, we could focus on helping his children.

God knows he’s not doing it.

Choose faith in spite of the facts.
— Rev. Joel Osteen

Image credit: Vox

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  • avalon
    • Cute! It suits him.

    • Kodie

      I think it winked at me.

    • Kodie

      I used to go out with a guy who looked sorta like Jesus, with the beard and all, very dreamy to look at, and if I have to be totally honest, he had what some might call a mullet. It wasn’t very mullety, it was longer in the front than 100% business, but not too long, and it was longer in the back than the front, but then still not that long. Not an egregious example. And he had a day job and he was in a band, so … oh yeah, he’s dead now. So many memories!

  • wtfwjtd

    “…how can a dictatorship be democratic? I suppose in the same way that Yahweh the genocidal murderer is “all loving.” ”

    Brilliant! It takes some pretty twisted logic to get from one to the other, and a heavy dose of cognitive dissonance. Ever notice how genocide is God’s tool of first resort? Isn’t this kinda backwards?

  • Kodie

    Why doesn’t god do something about North Korea? Why didn’t god stop Kim Jong Un from getting that haircut? I have so many questions.

    • MNb

      Ha! If KJU tomorrow has lost all his hair it will be a sure sign of god.

  • Greg G.

    When you start to combine premises into fuzzy logic, you should come up with other ways to confirm your conclusions. If you have 5 premises that you are 75% certain of, your conclusion will be less than 25% certain. At least you then might be able to construct a theory to be tested.

  • RichardSRussell

    I find myself rooting for Seth Rogen and James Franco.

  • GrFace

    I guess he took that British hair salon up on their offer.


  • MNb

    Still I think Trotsky’s haircut more impressive.


  • confidenceandparanoia

    Has Babylon 5 just got to North Korea?

  • (((dagobarbz)))

    Heh. When you said ‘haircut,’ I wondered if it was delivered by anti-aircraft guns.

    • Who in North Korea would think of harming the Brilliant Comrade?

      • (((dagobarbz)))

        Nobody with a lick of common sense, that’s for sure!