The unbeliever in me

I have always been shocked at how atheists function in a world so rich and full of life and wonder.

Look at the unspoken sadness of modern-day atheists like Christopher Hitchens, Richard Dawkins, and Sam Harris. How do they shake the haunting emptiness in their soul? When they look at the stars at night, do they ever wonder “what is at the edge of space?” When they contemplate the bookends of our existence, do they ever think “when did time begin? And “when will it end?” Do they ever wonder, “Who am I?”

What do they fill it with? Learning? Materialism? Humanism? Hedonism? Selfishness?

But I must admit, there are times I no better than them. My world is filled with documented moments of doubt. I cannot escape this shadow that dogs my every step. There is an unbeliever lurking in me. I make a decision that there is no God, not by my words, but by my actions.

Those times when I ignore the souls of those around me and absorb myself in my own cares and pursuit, I am an unbeliever.

Those times when I ignore the very clear clarion call of God. I act just like an unbeliever, for the God I claim,I do not believe enough to obey.

When I make decisions without regard to His purpose, then I act as an unbeliver.

Those times when I act as if there is only me and I pursue my own ends without regard to His purpose, then I act as an unbeliever.

I remember the anguish of the Disciple Thomas. “I believe, but God, help my unbelief!”

May my life reflect my heart!