Trying To Forget

It happened to me the other day. I read some of my old performance appraisals and one in particular jumped out. It was from a boss that I clashed with. For nearly a year it was a constant battle of the wills and I was the one that lost because of pride. My work performance crashed – often spectacularly. I was immature and foolish and it’s all right there in the report, in black and white.

“Shadows of the Past,”
From Garry61 via Flikr

Reading it was a reminder of a time in my life when I failed. I didn’t live up to expectations. I didn’t conduct myself with honor.

As I look at my current work, I see unfinished projects and all the excuses that surround them. Although I’ve grown and am now a much better employee, I still hear the same echo of failure. If I look over my shoulder, it’s not hard to see the past chasing me. And if I let it, it will find a way to mess with the present.

In my personal life, the shadows of yesterday are long, casting from the falling sun on the horizon. And there are those who are quick to remind me of my past, carefully retelling the chronicles just in case I get close to moving on. Instead of dancing in the dawn of grace, it’s a full-out run to escape.

Sherri-Dawn Annett at Tall Tales talks about that nagging creep of the days gone by, the memories chasing her.”It wasn’t supposed to be this way,” she writes. “This disease runs deep.” She could have ended her article on this note and we would all agree. But she proceeds with full vigor.

“But hope runs deep, too,” she writes. “Hope is a constant – always nearby, ready to catch my glance. It’s living proof that there is more.” Read The Chase.

“Even God cannot change the past” — Agathon

You can comment here if you wish.

Please, share with a friend if you feel moved.
Read all past issues at http://www.patheos.com/blogs/davidrupert