Two reasons why he walks away from an emotional conversation

Reason #2: He is trying to protect you and the relationship

Fully 71% of men in the For Women Only surveys (which were nationally representative) said that the primary reason they walk away from emotional conversations is this: “Because I don’t want to say something in the heat of the moment that I’ll regret later.”  A man usually cares for the woman in his life, and doesn’t want to hurt her.  He is worried that when emotion “furs up the gears,” that he’ll say something that will hurt her.  So he makes his escape.  Not because he doesn’t care… but because he does.

Sure, not every guy will have these altruistic motives.  I’m sure there are men who are just grumpy and uncaring.  Men who don’t like being challenged.  Or are pathological conflict avoiders.  And some men deeply damage their mate and the relationship because they constantly pull away… but never fully come back once they have processed things through.

But most men do care.  And if we start from that assumption, it will be far easier for him to hear and understand when we explain how insecure his withdrawal makes us feel and the benefit of giving us his reassurance (“We’ll be okay”) before he gets the space he needs.

Wish Shaunti could speak at an event in your area? You can help! Forward this piece or others to a leader at your organization or church, with a note of recommendation. They can reach Shaunti at [email protected].

Shaunti Feldhahn is the best-selling author of eye-opening, research-based books about men, women and relationships, including For Women Only, For Men Only, the groundbreaking The Good News About Marriage, and her newest book, Through A Man’s Eyes. A Harvard-trained social researcher and popular speaker, her findings are regularly featured in media as diverse as The Today Show, Focus on the Family, and the New York Times. Visit www.shaunti.com for more.