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Lesson #2: A Promise is a Promise
My father in law was a vow-keeper. After the war, he married his beautiful bride Roberta and vowed to care for her in sickness and in health. And he kept that promise. For 65 years, he worked to provide for her. First, during his professional years, as a real estate agent. As a deeply involved father to four boys. As a supportive husband who cheered her on as she decided to become a full-time teacher in her fifties. And much later, as a full-time caregiver.
As my mother-in-law’s brain slowly betrayed her over her last fifteen years of life, he demonstrated that true love is not always a feeling – it is an action. He gently cared for his wife through an intense season of treatment for colon cancer. And in her last years, as her dementia and physical ailments made her unable to care for herself, he became her full-time caregiver, doing ever more intimate jobs, and declining outside help.
As his sons pressed him to bring in others to help share the load, he shook his head. “This is just what a man does for his wife,” he said.
I’m sure there were many times of private anguish at the slow loss of his wife, and private frustration at the challenges of caring for her. But it didn’t change his actions.
When times get tough, whether with a marriage, a job or any other commitment, his example shows me the powerful impact of living up to your promises – not begrudgingly, but with willing compassion and care.
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