Ask Shaunti
Action #3: Affirm Him in the Bedroom
Physical intimacy does far, far more for our husbands than we realize. If your husband is like most men, sex for him is not primarily a physical need: it is an emotional need to feel that you desire him, and that you think he does measure up as a husband. Again, speaking to that deep worry in his heart in a positive way builds him up – and in a negative or neglectful way tears him down.
Imagine that your husband rarely or never talked to you, never filled the emotional need of your soul to connect, to be listened to. You asked him what happened today and he smiled and yawned and walked out of the room. Would not you feel morose and grumpy after a while? That is how men feel when their longing to sexually connect with their wives goes unfulfilled.
Also, for your man, sex is very likely a way he instinctively wants to connect with you and rebuild any closeness that has been lost during a hectic day or a crazy week. See it for what it is. Respond to the emotional desire behind his physical desire, and you’ll soon see grumpy guy a lot less often.
Want to know how to be kind, when you’re really not feeling it? My research uncovered three daily actions that will transform your relationships – and you. Check out The Kindness Challenge, now available!
Helping people thrive in life and relationships is Shaunti Feldhahn’s driving passion, supported by her research projects and writing. After starting out with a Harvard graduate degree and experience on Wall Street, her life took an unexpected shift into relationship research. She now is a popular speaker around the world and the author of best-selling books about men, women, and relationships. (Including For Women Only, For Men Only, and the groundbreaking The Good News About Marriage).
Her newest book, The Kindness Challenge, demonstrates that kindness is the answer to almost every life problem, and is sparking a much-needed movement of kindness across the country. Visit www.shaunti.com for more.
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