The Secret to Being a Wife He Adores

Reason #3: We don’t realize a man is allergic to vinegar

No-one likes an astringent tone. But for men it goes deeper than dislike. In the research for For Women Only I found that men have a deep, emotional desire to be a good husband and make their wives happy – and a deep, emotional doubt that they are up to the task. As a result of this secret insecurity, there is nothing more painful to a man than the feeling that he is failing at anything – much less his most important job, as a husband. A vinegar tone means, by definition, you are unhappy – and he has failed you. Men who feel like a failure withdraw. Quite understandably, they just don’t want to be around the person or thing that is making them feel that way.

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While there may be many things you wish were different, you’ll see positive changes much more with the honey-flavored tone than the vinegar one. That doesn’t mean ignoring problems, and it doesn’t mean a falsely sappy, syrupy-sweet tone of voice. (Let’s not take this analogy too far!) But it does mean realizing that men respond far, far better to positive appreciation (“Thanks so much for taking the girls out so I could get some rest”), and want to spend less and less time with someone who seems constantly to be in a state of exasperation (“What were you thinking, taking them to the store in their PJs?!”).

Tweet this: “Men respond far better to positive appreciation than constant exasperation.“

Your man loves you. He wants to adore you. Be your best with him – in the same way you are with your friends. A practice of using honey instead of vinegar won’t solve all those issues that that you do have to deal with, but it sure will make him more willing to listen when you do.

Want to know how to be kind, when you’re really not feeling it? My research uncovered three daily actions that will transform your relationships – and you. Check out The Kindness Challenge, now available!

Helping people thrive in life and relationships is Shaunti Feldhahn’s driving passion, supported by her research projects and writing. After starting out with a Harvard graduate degree and experience on Wall Street, her life took an unexpected shift into relationship research. She now is a popular speaker around the world and the author of best-selling books about men, women, and relationships. (Including For Women Only, For Men Only, and the groundbreaking The Good News About Marriage).

Her newest book, The Kindness Challenge, demonstrates that kindness is the answer to almost every life problem, and is sparking a much-needed movement of kindness across the country. Visit www.shaunti.com for more.