Two Practical Ways to Encourage Your Sons

2.When they do get something right, praise them consistently for their outcomes (and even when they don’t, praise their positive efforts).

Many of us don’t realize that praise is oxygen to a boy (or a man). Moms especially are more prone to say “I love you,” and give words of affection – but what a boy absolutely most needs to hear as he grows is “I am so proud of you,” “good job,” and “Thank you for loading up the dishwasher, that was so helpful!” How do you handle it if he didn’t do it right? Most important, as noted above, evaluate whether your correction is truly needed. Or more likely, needed right at this time. For some situations – correcting how your son is driving, for example – correction is truly needed immediately! But for many situations we can wait – and in fact it is important to wait.

When it comes time to share a correction, then we can simply say something like: “Hey Bobby, thanks so much for loading up the dishwasher everyday this week. You’ve done a great job. One thing I should show you, is that when we have had spaghetti or lasagna, you’ll get a much better result if you rinse those plates off first. Do you mind if I show you how next time you do the dishes?”

Some of you may roll your eyes at that, and think that you are tiptoeing too much around a boy’s ego. But remember the whole point of this: most of the time the ego isn’t the problem. The deep self-doubt is. All of those “you did a great job” comments are simply reassurances to make sure that he hears a suggestion simply as a suggestion rather than as a statement that “you failed.”

Tweet this: “Most of the time, the problem with boys is not their ego, but their deep self-doubt.“

Those two things certainly won’t solve every problem, or combat all of the issues our boys face today. But if we make them a habit they will will go a long way toward helping our boys feel the most important inner certainty that any boy needs to feel; the sense that “I can do it!”

Want to know how to be kind, when you’re really not feeling it? My research uncovered three daily actions that will transform your relationships – and you. Check out The Kindness Challenge, now available!

Helping people thrive in life and relationships is Shaunti Feldhahn’s driving passion, supported by her research projects and writing. After starting out with a Harvard graduate degree and experience on Wall Street, her life took an unexpected shift into relationship research. She now is a popular speaker around the world and the author of best-selling books about men, women, and relationships. (Including For Women Only, For Men Only, and the groundbreaking The Good News About Marriage).

Her newest book, The Kindness Challenge, demonstrates that kindness is the answer to almost every life problem, and is sparking a much-needed movement of kindness across the country. Visit www.shaunti.com for more.