Husband-Speak: How to Transform His World With Your Words

Transforming Truth #3: Acknowledging his efforts encourages him to keep trying

Perhaps what made you want to run out of the house wasn’t a smelly casserole, but the fact that he accidentally washed the whites with a red t-shirt. Suddenly, all your underwear (and his!) is pink.

As noted, it is very easy to focus on what went wrong – that result most definitely did not please us! But it changes our perspective when we ask what he was trying to do to please us. In this case, for example, can we realize that he actually was helping with the laundry… and I want him to keep on doing it!? The man who most wants to please his wife will shut down from trying again if she jumps on his “fails.”

So if your husband turns all the underwear pink, in that moment reassure him – just as you would want to be reassured if you had messed up. Give him a hug. Thank him for helping with the laundry instead of scolding him. Believe me, he knows he failed. Big time. And if he’s like most men, his competitive nature will show up and he will want to learn and get it right next time – as long as you reassure him that you appreciate him, regardless.

Later, give him some pointers—if they are needed. (He may have already been scouring YouTube for videos about how to do a perfect load of laundry.) But for now, focus on the good. He was trying to help. He was making the effort… for you.