Wives, Fill Up Your Husband’s Mental Instagram

One woman — who seemed like a bit of a shy, reserved type — said that not too long after she finished the study, her husband came home from some long trips for his consulting job and told her that he was really struggling with his thought life because of the revealing ways in which some of the women at his consulting site had been dressing. At first, his wife got mad at him, but then she realized that his honesty was his way of asking for help and trying to honor her.

When she asked her friends what she should do, one of them responded, “Pray for him…and fill up his Rolodex, girl!”

She realized that since she was naturally more reserved, she had probably not been giving her husband a lot of intimate images of her to fill his mind; images he could remember, to help him divert his attention from others when he was feeling tempted. She realized that she didn’t have to go over the top, but that even leaving a muted light on in the bedroom, so he could see her when they were intimate, was a way she could both affirm him for honoring her and help him do so.

So let me suggest that you try the same thing. I know that might be scary at first, but this wife told me that she eventually began to enjoy filling her husband’s Rolodex. I hope you find the same thing happening. Don’t do anything that feels wrong, but just try to overcome your natural self-consciousness enough to give this gift to your visual husband.

Plus, the more you come to enjoy it, the more he will, too!

Helping people thrive in life and relationships is Shaunti Feldhahn’s driving passion, supported by her research projects and writing. After starting out with a Harvard graduate degree and experience on Wall Street, her life took an unexpected shift into relationship research. She now is a popular speaker around the world and the author of best-selling books about men, women, and relationships. (Including For Women Only, For Men Only, and the groundbreaking The Good News About Marriage).

Her newest book, The Kindness Challenge, demonstrates that kindness is the answer to almost every life problem, and is sparking a much-needed movement of kindness across the country. Visit www.shaunti.com for more.