4 Reasons Parents Need to Be The Boss

Secret #4: If Teens Understand the Reason, They Internalize the Rules

Fourth, as you set out with renewed enthusiasm for taking charge, being watchful, and enforcing the rules, remember this: kids appreciate and internalize rules when they understand the reason behind them. “Because I said so” works for pre-schoolers, but for grade-schoolers it is iffy. And by the time the pre-teen and teenage years arrive, the kids intensely want to know the “why” behind the rules…as they should!

Tweet this: Kids appreciate and internalize rules when they understand the reason behind them.

After all, as a teenager heads through high school they very much need to have figured out that these are good, healthy ways to live — and should want to keep living this way once it is totally up to them! The only way for that to happen is for the kids to internalize the “why” behind the rules for themselves now. We heard many times that a rule with no reason looks like control with no purpose — and is quickly discarded when the teen leaves home.

Thankfully, the research overwhelmingly supported that if parents shared their beliefs, opinions and reasoning, that the kids were far more likely to internalize those rules for the long term — even if they rebelled against them in the short term.

It takes 13 years to become a teen, but only about 5 to leave the teen school years behind. Embrace taking charge now and earn your teen’s respect, while you still can. Give them the love and security they need to thrive. And start the countdown to their adulthood freedom — and yours.

Helping people thrive in life and relationships is Shaunti Feldhahn’s driving passion, supported by her research projects and writing. After starting out with a Harvard graduate degree and experience on Wall Street, her life took an unexpected shift into relationship research. She now is a popular speaker around the world and the author of best-selling books about men, women, and relationships. (Including For Women Only, For Men Only, and the groundbreaking The Good News About Marriage)

Her newest book, The Kindness Challenge, demonstrates that kindness is the answer to almost every life problem, and is sparking a much-needed movement of kindness across the country. Visit www.shaunti.com for more.