Providing For a Family? It’s About More Than Money

Like any man, Jeff was wrestling with a painful sense of inadequacy. If I was a better business man, the business wouldn’t have tanked, and I would be able to take care of my family. I’m not doing my job as a husband. I’m not doing my job as a father.

I assumed he knew that I felt he was an amazing husband and father. I assumed he knew that I believed in him as a businessman. It took me a long time to realize that actually, no, that was the point: he assumed he wasn’t a good husband and father. So it made all the difference for me to look for every opportunity to say – and show – that he was.

Almost certainly, the same is true of your man. Don’t just assume he knows that you appreciate the sacrifice he’s making in staying home with the kids – tell him. Don’t just assume he knows that you think he’s a great dad – tell him how much you love the way he tells the kids silly stories. Don’t just assume he understands that you admire him – tell him how impressed you were with the way he handled that dispute at church. Don’t just assume he grasps just how much you need him. Find ways to tell him that, and multiple ways to affirm him every day. (No surprise: sending that message in the bedroom is one of the best ways to soothe his self-doubt.)

Always keep in the front of your mind that the hidden vulnerabilities of every man are exacerbated inside your man by the nagging belief he’s not providing for you. So make sure you show him all the ways that he is. Because providing and taking care of the family doesn’t just mean money.

Helping people thrive in life and relationships is Shaunti Feldhahn’s driving passion, supported by her research projects and writing. After starting out with a Harvard graduate degree and experience on Wall Street, her life took an unexpected shift into relationship research. She now is a popular speaker around the world and the author of best-selling books about men, women, and relationships. (Including For Women Only, For Men Only, and the groundbreaking The Good News About Marriage)

Her newest book, The Kindness Challenge, demonstrates that kindness is the answer to almost every life problem, and is sparking a much-needed movement of kindness across the country. Visit www.shaunti.com for more.