As women’s earning power has changed over the last fifty years, so have marriage dynamics – and having a great relationship means knowing how to handle the new normal. According to a 2013 Pew Research study, among married couples in 1960, just six percent of women earned more than their husbands. Today, the number is 24 percent. To be sure, in many of those households the income differences are so small that both spouses are essentially contributing equally. But in many... Read more
It wasn’t really a thing before the title song of the hit comedy series Malcolm in the Middle. But for many years now, the battle cry of the American teenager has been, “You’re not the boss of me!” Well, actually, dear teenager: yes, yes we are. And here’s the surprise for every beleaguered parent: No matter how much your teen might resist rules and get enraged at enforcement, they secretly want you to be in charge. And I can prove... Read more
(a special guest post by Debbie Hitchcock) Last week I felt like everything I did for one of my kids was met with sarcasm, frustration, or anger. The typical jokes we had between us, the acts of kindness I did, and every time I seemed to open my mouth it was met with a snarl of “you never…” or “you always…” I couldn’t win. Having had four kids under my roof, I’ve learned to try different things to get to the root... Read more
There’s a couple I know who just seems to have their act together. They’re a joy to be around and it’s obvious that they genuinely like being around each other, too! No, they’re not perfect (they have kids and jobs and, ahem, they’re human!) but their drama seems to be kept at a minimum. Over coffee one day, I asked my friend what her secret was and you know what she said? She and her husband have an understanding in... Read more
As both a social researcher who has interviewed and surveyed thousands of boys and a mom of a son, I’ve seen three common – and very harmful –things boys tend to believe about themselves. Mom and Dad, keep an eye out, so you can knock down this nonsense whenever it rears its ugly head! Read more
Dear Shaunti, In one of your books, you say it’s important to believe the best of your spouse’s intentions. But all that does is give your spouse license to hurt you again and again without consequences. Who cares what their intentions are, if the result is pain? My husband says things that are harsh to me and the kids, and then tells me “I never wanted to hurt your feelings.” Well, who cares that you didn’t want to! You did. And to... Read more
Although this article is for women, I’m sure some astonished men are looking in, and asking, “What do you mean why you should initiate sex?!” To guys, the answer is completely obvious! It reminds me of that line from the movie City Slickers when Billy Crystal’s character tells his friend, “Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.” So ladies – why? Well, the most “obvious” reason is the one guys are thinking of: pleasure. And women... Read more
Not that this ever happens to you. But every now and then our kids (girls and boys) might perhaps display a little attitude. Perhaps it’s an eye roll, a derisive tone, a sudden disrespectful temper. Whatever it is, it’s almost guaranteed to make a parent’s head explode. We of course never did this. Ever. We were perfect darlings. We can’t imagine where they get it from. And yet we still have to address it. Because (in all seriousness), the way we... Read more
I don’t think there are many who would be surprised to hear that in my interviews and surveys with over 1,000 men for my book For Women Only, men emphatically stated that it had an emotional impact to see that their wife was making an effort to take care of herself for him. It makes a guy feel loved because she obviously wants to be attractive to him. They don’t expect their wives to look like supermodels, but the care... Read more
Who doesn’t love a good “To Do” list? I make them for everything…chores around the house, work related projects, doctor’s appointments — even things to put on future “To Do” lists! (Yes, I know that is a bit OCD…) But what about a “Don’t Do” list? (I vote for “Don’t clean the toilets” on mine!) Actually, it turns out: there is great value in tracking things we shouldn’t be doing. In researching men for For Women Only, I discovered that... Read more
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