Whether you want to improve a difficult marriage or celebrate a great one, I’ve seen in all the research — especially for The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages — that one of the best possible things you can do is to ask yourself: How did I meet my spouse and fall in love to begin with? You may think that sounds a bit nuts: how could that make a difference? It turns out, that one little action is powerful in... Read more
Men, in more than a dozen years of research about how guys privately think about things like sex and porn use, I’ve seen a striking pattern. Although nearly all men are visually tempted today, and many hate and struggle against the temptation, most of those same men also think of it as a private thing that has nothing to do with their wives. They may feel awful about it, but they really don’t understand why their wives would. As one... Read more
Although this article is for women, I’m sure some astonished men are looking in, and asking, “What do you mean why you should initiate sex?!” To guys, the answer is completely obvious! It reminds me of that line from the movie City Slickers when Billy Crystal’s character tells his friend, “Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.” So ladies – why? Well, the most “obvious” reason is the one guys are thinking of: pleasure! ... Read more
Ladies, have you ever had one of those moments when you were at the boiling point over something your husband did that seemed inconsiderate? Even when we love and respect our husbands, at times our emotions can get the best of us — especially when we get hurt or deeply disappointed by something he said or did. Or didn’t do! Perhaps he left his clothes on the floor again this morning, or his dirty dishes at the table, after you’ve... Read more
Author note: This is one of a series giving a sneak peek into what I discovered about what makes happy marriages so happy! After years of nationally-representative research with more than 1,000 couples, I reveal the twelve most important little habits in The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages: The Little Things That Make a Big Difference. Secret #6: Stop yourself from longing for something that is difficult or impossible for your mate to deliver, or assuming he or... Read more
Not that this ever happens. But every now and then our kids (girls and boys) might perhaps display a little attitude. Perhaps it’s an eye roll, a derisive tone, a sudden disrespectful temper. Whatever it is, it’s almost guaranteed to make a parent’s head explode. We of course never did this. Ever. We were perfect darlings. We can’t imagine where they get it from. And yet we still have to address it. Because (in all seriousness), the way we address... Read more
Many boys these days go through challenging times that are not of their making, and yet they affect how our sons view themselves. Every day, boys experience challenges at school that make them feel stupid, especially since our sit-still-and-listen school processes are not necessarily optimally designed for how boys’ brains learn! Perhaps even more toxic to how our sons view themselves is the fact that for some reason it has become acceptable to engage in casual male bashing. (“Yeah, I’ve... Read more
Marriages aren’t made or broken through dramatic gestures. It’s the small, everyday actions and choices that determine success and happiness. Learn more about what the happiest couples do in The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages. In Secret #7 to a highly happy marriage, the happiest spouses I researched enjoy “unprotected” love. Secret #11 of Highly Happy Marriages: Get in Over Their Heads from Shaunti Feldhahn on Vimeo. Wish Shaunti could speak at an event in your area? You can... Read more
There’s a very short scene in the 2015 live-action Cinderella movie that secretly touches the heart of almost every woman, and gives every guy a roadmap to doing the same with his wife. Read more
Marriages aren’t made or broken through dramatic gestures. It’s the small, everyday actions and choices that determine success and happiness. Learn more about what the happiest couples do in The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages. In Secret #10 to a highly happy marriage, the happiest spouses I researched don’t look to marriage for ultimate happiness. Secret #10 of Highly Happy Marriages: Look Higher from Shaunti Feldhahn on Vimeo. Wish Shaunti could speak at an event in your area? You... Read more
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