Dear Shaunti, I’m in hot water. My wife is the most beautiful, amazing woman I know. (I’m sure she’d tell you otherwise, but it’s true.) But I just don’t talk a lot, and it is hard for me to remember to say things like “You look pretty” out loud. Last week, she had an epic melt-down while I was watching TV. She snatched the remote out of my hand, and told me I never compliment her, don’t appreciate her and... Read more
Why is it always men who look at porn, hide things, and cheat? I’m a single woman, and I can’t help but notice that in the news last week, the one thing Josh Duggar and most of the Ashley Madison cheaters have in common is that they are all men. Supposedly, even the few women on the hacked Ashley Madison site were fake profiles, just to reel in all those men out there who want to cheat. It is crazy. It makes me think women are just inherently more trustworthy. Part of me still wants to meet someone, but how can I ever trust any guy again? Read more
Dear Shaunti, Things haven’t been great between me and my wife the past few months. I’m not happy at work, we’re behind on our bills, and I’ve been pretty down. I’ve gained thirty pounds in the last year from eating a lot of junk and watching a lot of TV, which is not good because I’m a diabetic. I’ve wound up in the emergency room a couple times because of high blood sugar. My wife says she’s fed up and if I don’t start taking my health seriously and start looking for a job that makes me “less miserable” (her words, not mine), she is going to move in with her parents. I don’t know how I’d make it without her – she’s truly my better half and best friend. I just feel so paralyzed. What do I do? Read more
Dear Shaunti, My husband and I were both pretty sexually inexperienced when we first got married, so everything about our sex life was new, mysterious and exciting. But now we have two teenagers and we both work full-time. When we find the time for physical intimacy, it feels very forced. Like we’re just going through the motions. And that old spark isn’t there outside the bedroom either. A friend suggested that we watch porn movies to get us back to the old excitement, but I’m really not comfortable with it – is that something we should consider? I just want us to be excited about our physical relationship again. It sounds like a cliché to ask what we can do to spice things up again, but… what can we do to spice things up again? Read more
Dear Shaunti, I just finished your book The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages, and learned a lot. But I also noticed that one of your research findings is the importance of not holding anything back emotionally. Yet I’m also reading Boundaries in Marriage by Henry Cloud. It feels like a tension there between his conclusion and yours. Can’t boundaries be a healthy part of a happy marriage? -Out of Bounds Dear Out of Bounds – Well, first… thanks for... Read more
Dear Shaunti, I am irritated by all these generalizations that women should watch how they dress “because men are visual.” Well women are visual, too. There’s a hot guy at my office who works out by running the complex in gym shorts and no shirt during lunchtime, and I sure want to stand and watch. Or I catch myself daydreaming about him. And yet when that happens, I force myself to stop. But why is he out there in no... Read more
Dear Shaunti, I used to think I was crazy, but these days I feel like I’m the stable one in our house. I recently read a news report where this guy called 911 because his wife refused to speak to him. It’s ridiculous, but I can relate. Just a couple days ago, we were out with old friends who started bragging about their daughter. I could see my wife tense up, since our son who’s the same age has been... Read more
Dear Shaunti, Just before I got married, my grandmother presented me with a check – more zeroes than I’d ever seen next to my name – with the stipulation that it was my “special” fund. I was to park the money someplace safe and use it only for me; she advised me not to tell my husband-to-be about it. I did what she said, mainly because I figured she had abundant experience of being married where I had none. Fast-forward... Read more
View image | gettyimages.com Dear Shaunti, My wife and I got into a “discussion” the other day that has me baffled. She’d read that Tiger Woods and his girlfriend, Lindsey Vonn, said they broke up because they didn’t spend enough time together. I said that obviously wasn’t the real reason because no one actually breaks up over that. I’m not excusing the man’s past behavior, but it seems a little over-reactive to ditch him after several years just because you’re... Read more
Dear Shaunti, You and a lot of others talk about how much men need to feel respected and trusted. So I trusted him. And it blew up in my face. My husband, Hank, and I own a travel business. I am organized and like things done a certain way – and that way usually works. And Hank is a very competent guy, but since he’s pretty checked out these days I have no choice but to run things. But last... Read more
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