So, guys, you’ve just had a big fight with your wife and now you’re ready to cool off and mend the relationship. What better way to make up than to spend a little intimate time together, right? Just one little problem, though: physical intimacy is the farthest thing from her mind. What’s the deal? For a woman, physical intimacy isn’t usually the solution to a problem, but rather, evidence that the problem has been resolved. In fact, rather than bridging... Read more
Dear Shaunti: I read your book, For Women Only, and one thing you said scared me. You explained how men can’t not notice a woman with a good figure, but that many men try to look away so they don’t start lusting after every hot chick they see. Since I read that, whenever we’re walking around in public, I’ve been much more aware of what is “out there.” And now I realize there are provocative images everywhere. I can actually... Read more
The other day at a huge high school sports event, I watched a large, loud dad yelling at a ref. On the sidelines, the coach looked furious. Being abusive to an official not only models terrible behavior; it’s a terrible strategy. I started to wonder: what other parental actions do coaches hate, that might not be so obvious? What other terrible lessons are well-intentioned parents teaching their kids, without even realizing it? I set out to interview coaches, and consistently... Read more
Men, have you ever found yourself feeling frustrated when, after a fight with your wife, she seems to doubt your relationship and commitment? It made perfect sense to you that you stopped talking to her when you were mad. You were worried you might say something stupid and be a total jerk. But the next day, after things have simmered down, she kept saying she was concerned if you still loved her. Totally irrational? Of course, you love her! So... Read more
Dear Shaunti, I recently read For Women Only and I now realize how important it is for my husband to know I respect him – which I do. But I come from a long line of “strong women” (as my dad puts it) and none of us is afraid to voice an opinion. Including telling our husbands how to do things, like what to do with the kids while we’re out for a few hours, or the most efficient route to soccer... Read more
In the midst of so much deep hurricane news, can I tell you how happy this latest viral silliness made me and my teenage daughter – and apparently millions of other people? More than 100,000 comments have been posted on a simple selfie by some Gainesville, Florida police officers. The men were getting ready to go about their duties for Hurricane Irma cleanup, and women readers quickly noticed that these were some seriously good-looking officers. Quickly, the Gainesville PD Facebook... Read more
Dear Shaunti, I work full-time, have 3 small children and work a flex schedule. This works really well for my family but my male co-workers get frustrated when they can’t reach me during traditional office hours. I’m getting all my work done but I’m worried they’re not viewing me as an equal colleague because they don’t always see me in the office. –Trying to Find the Balance Dear Trying to Find the Balance, As a working mom myself, I get... Read more
I remember a couple of years ago around Mother’s Day, Jeff and I were watching television one night when we saw a commercial for Publix, one of the big grocery-store chains in our area. The television ad showed several scenes of different men in different houses, secretly helping their kids cook breakfast for Mom, and then prepare to bring her breakfast in bed. The dads were all helping the little ones measure out flour for pancakes, cooking sausage, even squeezing... Read more
One of the things that years of research with men and women, boys and girls, has taught me is that the genders are just (gasp!) different. It always stuns me when people push back against this idea – as if acknowledging differences will somehow suck our society through the space-time-continuum, back to the bad old days when there were “Want Ads for Men” (engineers and doctors) and “Want Ads for Women” (grade school teachers and secretaries). (Yes, that did happen... Read more
Imagine a springtime shower without the gentle sound of rain. Or a baseball game without that CRACK of the bat. Or imagine a world where children smile but don’t laugh, friends wave but don’t speak, dogs don’t bark and birds don’t sing. A world without all that would seem flat and weird and strangely empty, right? That is exactly what it feels like for your husband when he fails to hear your voice affirming him. Your husband longs to hear... Read more
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