Dear Shaunti, I love my wife, but I really hate her “things you do wrong” list. I pull away to avoid it, but the more I pull away, the more tempted I am to check out of the relationship. During normal times, things are fine. But whenever we argue about something, out comes the list of the things she thinks I do wrong and she does right. I know that keeping score is dangerous and wrong, and I don’t want... Read more
Dear Shaunti, I’m 31 and single, with a successful career, lots of friends, and an outgoing personality. I tend to be a “go getter” but not in the area of men. In fact, I have never been asked on a date! EVER! Several men have told me I’m intimidating. I make more money than they do, have had to learn to fix things around the house and I’m pretty confident – but I don’t want to scare men off! What... Read more
Dear Shaunti, I’m in deep soup with my wife, and I don’t know why. We went out for a really nice dinner last night – an actual date without the kids. We were both excited about it beforehand, but by the time we got in the car, it was obvious she was bummed. At the restaurant, she finally told me why: “You knew I bought a nice new outfit for tonight, and you didn’t say one word about how I... Read more
Dear Shaunti, In the last few months, it has gotten so hard for my teenage daughter to talk to me. I learn everything from listening to her tell her friends. Yesterday I overheard her telling a friend about being a finalist in a writing contest at school. When I asked her about it, she said she didn’t want to tell me because she knew I’d freak out. But I’m excited for her—not upset! Why would she think I’d “freak out” over something so amazing? Read more
Dear Shaunti, I love my wife, but it drives me crazy when she obsesses over something minor, like whether she forgot to send in the money for our son’s field trip, or whether her friend is mad at her because she didn’t return a call. I’ve tried to get her to see that it is making her crazy, too, but she keeps doing it. How can I get her to stop? — Distracted by distraction Dear Distracted by distraction, Sorry,... Read more
Dear Shaunti, My husband and I have been getting irritated with each other lately. He said that I don’t appreciate him, which is ridiculous because I do! But he said that I never thank him for things like taking out the trash or mowing the lawn. Why should I thank him for doing something that’s his job? –Irritated Dear Irritated, You are not alone in this question! I get this query all the time when I’m speaking at women’s conferences.... Read more
Dear Shaunti, I’m a working mom with two kids. We have a comfortable lifestyle, no major financial problems — just the typical mortgage and monthly bills — and I just got a big raise at work. Still, my husband seems stressed about work and frequently mentions his worries about layoffs. I don’t understand why he’s so concerned — after all, it’s not like I don’t bring any money to the table! – Confused Dear Confused, I understand your frustration —... Read more
Dear Shaunti, I was really looking forward to our second Valentine’s Day together, until I unwrapped my present. A blender. He knows that I like jewelry, and he’s the one who likes smoothies. I got upset that he was being selfish, and then he got upset and said he had seen me looking at that same blender in a catalogue so he picked it up at the mall –and only the day before, at that. Shouldn’t he have thought... Read more
Dear Shaunti, It seems like I am always the one to initiate sex. Even when I do, my wife sometimes seems less than enthusiastic. In other ways, we have a great relationship, but this is a big deal for me and it really bums me out. What can I do so that she finds me desirable? –Frustrated Dear Frustrated, Well, it sounds like you are just like the typical married male that wants more sex than you get. (Ladies, if... Read more
Dear Shaunti, My 15-year old son begins his complaining about going to church on Saturday night and doesn’t quit even after we’ve forced him to go on Sunday morning. He’s always loved church and he has plenty of friends. I asked him to pray about it and he told me matter-of-factly that he doesn’t even know if he believes God answers prayer. Where is this coming from? And what can I do? –Worried Dear Worried, You are not alone! This... Read more
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