Mark Twain once said, “It’s not the things you don’t know that will hurt you; it’s the things you know for sure that just ain’t so!”
When it comes to modern marriages, I can see a lot of truth’s in Twain’s wit and wisdom. Some of the marriage assumptions we have been taught to “know for sure” simply aren’t the truth. When we operate under false assumptions, we are setting ourselves up for failure. I hope that clarifying some of these common “marriage myths” below will help us all refocus our relationships towards healthier and happier homes.
Ten common “marriage myths” (in no particular order):
1.If I marry the “right person” we’ll always FEEL in love.
Our culture has fed us the myth that we all have a perfect “soulmate” out there and if we find him/her, our passionate feelings will never fade, our disagreements will be rare or nonexistent, we’ll both want to make love with each other constantly and every day in marriage will have fairy tale bliss. When we wake up one morning and don’t have those feelings, we start to assume we must have married the wrong person and need to get out and find our real “soulmate.” The truth is that strong marriages are built on COMMITMENT not COMPATIBILITY.
2. If my spouse really loves me, he/she will be willing to CHANGE.
Some of the most frustrated people on earth are the ones who are in a marriage where they’re trying to “change” their spouse OR they’re in a marriage where their spouse is trying to change them! It’s exhausting and unnatural. It reduces the marriage to manipulation instead of love. Yes, both spouses will certainly have to make selfless adjustments for the marriage to thrive BUT neither should do it at the expense of losing his or her identity in the process. Love brings out the best in us, but doesn’t change who we are. Remember, it’s never your job to “fix” or to “change” your spouse. It’s your job to love you spouse. Love is what truly changes us all.
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