Children are idiots and don’t deserve to go to Mass

A spectre is haunting Churchgoers — the spectre of children. With their hideous

whining and snivelling, it becomes apparent that they do not deserve to witness the holiest of occurrences on Earth. I know what you’re thinking…Yes Sergio, I know this, but my neighbor’s won’t listen to me. Well have no fear, I am here to help.

I have had it with this culture of victim blaming the parent. A child of any age is capable of not crying, just as they are capable of crying as a result it is solely upon the child to use reason to determine the appropriate time when to weep. Parent’s that mollycoddle their children and attempt to alleviate their problems are only enabling this sort of selfish behavior. We need to stop blaming decent adults who are stuck in an abusive cycle and focus on the real problem at hand, The Children.

Of course, if you are a rather weak-willed parent and will lament about how your Children need to witness Christ and be raised in a loving environment, and other modernist nonsense, there is a solution, The Cry Room. Yes, that room way in the back of Church where if you squint really hard, and that exceptionally tall person leans a bit to the right you might be able to catch a glimpse of the priest’s head. That is the acceptable place for Children. Christ is present in the mass, and must not be distracted by your frantic cooing, or bouncing the child on one knee, please stop being selfish and think of somebody other than your family.

Some may counter this discussion by pointing out Christ played with the Children and spoke of them with great emphasis, but if this is so, why did he not make any of them his apostles? Answer me that! Salvation is far too precious of a gift to waste upon the young. For once, think of the adults.

Image used is public domain / Wikimedia Commons.