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Diary of a Wimpy Catholic

Broken Silence

Last updated on: March 13, 2015 at 3:01 pm By Max Lindenman

On Saturday afteroons, there’s a special stillness in the air of churches, a vacuum like a collective holding of breath that contrasts favorably with the outside weekend buzz. With the electric lights catching a break and the stained-glass windows granting some vent to Brother Sun, brightness and gloom split their differences, settling in the end on something comfortably dim. Small stimuli start making big impressions. The hum of the air conditioner becomes a rushing wind; the trickling of water into... Read more

In Praise of the Carnival

Last updated on: March 13, 2015 at 3:01 pm By Max Lindenman

As soon as I stepped out of my apartment Easter morning, I saw my upstairs neighbor, Consuelo, relaxing on her balcony. She and I have worked out a barter economy, cigarettes being the chief commodity. I asked if she could spare one, and she tossed one down. As she did, she asked, “Where are you going, looking so pretty?” Her question troubled me. Should it really have taken a Sherlock Holmes to make the inference that if a guy is... Read more

An Act of Kindness

Last updated on: March 13, 2015 at 3:02 pm By Max Lindenman

I’m in the habit of keeping my front door open, at least a few inches. Mainly, I do it for the sake of the fresh air, but among other fringe benefits, this constant accessibility to the world has widenend my social network. Rusty the Cat aside, there’s a Somali guy who asked my help in setting up a Facebook account and rewarded me with a couple of cigarettes and an introduction to his brand-new pit bull, Boner. Last Wednesday night,... Read more

Why I’m Catholic, in 200 Words

Last updated on: March 13, 2015 at 3:02 pm By Max Lindenman

This morning, I received a copy of an e-mail from Elizabeth Scalia, inviting all the writers of the Catholic Portal to explain why we’re Catholic. Here’s why I became Catholic in the first place: I’m a fuckup. After earning a degree and a half from a third-rate university, I figured I’d never lead a life that fulfilled me, either materially, sexually, or intellectually. And yet, some escapist part of me thinks I’d have fit in just dandy at Versailles. In... Read more

Come Back, Magdi Allam!

Last updated on: March 13, 2015 at 3:02 pm By Max Lindenman

I’m still hoping that Pope Francis’ election won’t serve as the starting gun in a race out the Church doors, the finish line being sects and denominations that seem somehow less Francis-like. But if my hopes on that score do end up dashed, that race is already won, with Magdi Allam claiming the gold. Allam, a naturalized Italian who had been born a Muslim in Egypt, joined the Church at Easter, 2008. Predating his religious conversion, however, was an ideological... Read more

Keep it Simple…For Now?

Last updated on: March 13, 2015 at 3:02 pm By Max Lindenman

One day in the agora, tradition has it, Diogenes passed a group of spiffily dressed Athenians and dismissed their finery as “mere affectation.” A little later, a group of Spartans wearing homespun and noble, haunted expressions impressed him no better. “More affectation,” he said, and stomped on home to his jug. I think of this story whenever I read about some unexpected display of humility on Pope Francis’ part. Don’t get me wrong — I’m not calling the pope a... Read more

Convenience Store Apostolate

Last updated on: March 13, 2015 at 3:02 pm By Max Lindenman

As I was walking home from Mass on the second Sunday in Lent, a woman jumped into my path, thrust a stack of CDs in my face, and offered me my pick in exchange for five bucks. YouTube having effectively reduced CDs to charmless art objects, I didn’t bother looking. But I did remember a meme I’d seen on my FB newsfeed earlier that day, which went something like “The three disciplines of Lent: Fasting, study and almsgiving!” Simple, unclever... Read more

My Mother Likes Pope Francis

Last updated on: March 13, 2015 at 3:02 pm By Max Lindenman

This statement might not sound worthy of a lede, much less a headline. But I know the lady, and you don’t, so you’ll just have to take my word that her applauding Peter’s successor is about as improbable as her getting pregnant at the age of 68. Let me amend that. You might not know who my mother is, but you’ll recognize what she is. In her biography is inscribed the entire history of Catholicism in the U.S., or at... Read more

Addicted to Faith Films

Last updated on: March 13, 2015 at 3:02 pm By Max Lindenman

You’ve got to hand it to St. Augustine. In his Confessions, he records his evolution from gnostic to Christian with the precision of a dieter. Apart from a few scattered phrases, like the one where he refers to his being “stuck fast in the glue of [sexual] pleasure,” he treats his conversion from sensualist to celibate with the delicacy of a granny. That’s why Augustine’s a Doctor of the Church. That’s why, on every reading, I’m nearly cross-eyed by the... Read more

Scenes from an Accident

Last updated on: March 13, 2015 at 3:02 pm By Max Lindenman

Early this morning, I saw a woman in a white car pull out of the parking lot of my apartment complex and head for the turning lane. As she did, she cut off a man on a motorcycle. Though he slowed and swerved, the cyclist hit the car with a crunch, rolled over the hood, and landed on his face in the road. The woman stopped the car and jumped out, screaming. When I got there, the man was lying... Read more

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