God Wants (Not) Joe the (Not) Plumber in Congress

God Wants (Not) Joe the (Not) Plumber in Congress November 2, 2011

God sure has been busy. Not only did he tell Herman Cain, Rick Perry, Michele Bachmann and Rick Santorum to run for president, he also told (Not) Joe the (Not) Plumber to run for Congress.

PC: So, are you going to run for office?

WURZELBACHER: I pray to God I won’t. And I mean that very specifically. You know, a lot of your audience, if they’re atheists, they don’t believe in God, whatever, they won’t understand this but I’m a praying man. I talk to God and yes, he does answer me. He’s not sitting there going “Joe!” No, he answers me through prayer. I prayed to him, I said, “God, you know, I don’t want to run.” I don’t want to be around this disgusting — you know, I’m a plumber. I’ve been covered in some pretty nasty stuff, right? Lots in my life. I feel dirtier when I leave this city than any plumbing job I’ve ever had. Because they made a mockery of our founding fathers and the ideals and principles this country was built upon. And so I have a problem with it. Now, if God says, “Joe,” you know, “I want you to do it,” then I’ll do it, but I’ll do it because that’s what God, you know, that’s what prayer has led me to believe. But it’s not something I seek after. I’ll tell you what. You guys wanna know the secret to life?

PC: Yes.

WURZELBACHER: This is the secret of life. And it’s not, you know, Billy Crystal and Curly in “City Slickers,” you know, it’s not just this one thing, it’s keep it simple, stupids. That is the secret of life.

Wurzelbacher seems to be keeping it stupid, simply. Hey, whatever happened to that country music CD he was supposed to be putting out? I wonder if God wanted him to do that too. Joe, I’d stop listening to the voices in your head. God obviously wants you to make a complete ass of yourself in public. And I wonder if God has registered his PAC with the FEC?

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Doug Little

    I think God want’s him to be one big cliché, and so far it’s working out.

  • Well, let’s hope that (Not) Joe the (Not) Plumber becomes (Not) Joe the (Not) Congressman.

  • DaveL

    If God were really telling all these clowns to run for office, then we would have to reach the conclusion that He’s being a bit of a dick – less like the mentor who spurs you on to do great things and more like the asshole older brother who says “come on, go for it, if you hit that ramp fast enough, you can totally clear it!”

  • janine

    Please forgive for using scripture but I cannot resist in this case.

    Jesus saith unto them, Did ye never read in the scriptures, The stone which the builders rejected, the same is become the head of the corner: this is the Lord’s doing, and it is marvelous in our eyes?

    This Republican field is just marvelous in their eyes.

  • bahrfeldt

    Because of a lack of volunteers, the deity is reinstituting the draft. I don’t buy that, if it were true there are much better choices. I personally believe he is waitng for someone observing his sabbath rather than the Pope’s Lord’s Day. Anthony Weiner?

  • eric

    I have to say, the concept of a God who tells ‘Joe the Plumber’ to run for office really appeals to me. But probably not for the same reason it appeals to Joe.

  • anandine

    It is said that about 1% of people hear the voices that are a hallmark of schizophrenia. It’s just odd that such a high percentage of them think it’s God telling them to run for office.

  • matty1

    I personally believe he is waitng for someone observing his sabbath rather than the Pope’s Lord’s Day.

    So much for omniscient apparently he completely forgot about the Jewish people he actually told to observe his sabbath and who, as far as I know, still do.

    Or are you talking about the real secret sabbath which is every second wednesday between 3 and 5am?

  • matty1

    I think we have to take cases like this as supporting evidence that there is a god and his name is Loki.

  • rjmx

    If God were really telling all these clowns to run for office, then we would have to reach the conclusion that He’s being a bit of a dick

    … Or, more likely, that at least (n – 1) of them are lying. Do they really think their base is so stupid as not to see that?

  • Obviously God just wants us to have plenty of great candidates to choose from before He tells us which one to choose. Free will, right?

  • Didaktylos

    Hey guys – remember they’re only saying that The Big Guy told them to run, not that he’s promised them victory …

  • Aquaria

    WURZELBACHER: This is the secret of life. And it’s not, you know, Billy Crystal and Curly in “City Slickers,” you know, it’s not just this one thing, it’s keep it simple, stupids. That is the secret of life.

    Well, notJoe. You should know about simple. And stupid.

  • Aquaria

    … Or, more likely, that at least (n – 1) of them are lying. Do they really think their base is so stupid as not to see that?

    Uh… Yes?

  • Airplane Butcher

    God enjoys stirring the shit pot. That’s why he tells all of these people to run for office. That’s why he had the devil burry all of those big lizard bones.

  • Aquaria

    Oh be still my heart, And then there were three:

    http://content.usatoday.com/communities/onpolitics/post/2011/11/Herman-Cain-sexual-harassment-accuser–560559/1:

    A third woman who used to work for the National Restaurant Association told the Associated Press that she considered filing a complaint against Herman Cain over what she described as “aggressive and unwanted behavior.”

    The AP story says such behavior included a “private invitation” to his corporate apartment. She also described instances in which Cain told her that he had told other trade group colleagues how attractive she was.

    The woman spoke to AP on condition of anonymity, fearing retaliation from Cain. The incidents the third woman described occurred about the same time two of her co-workers settled separate sexual harassment claims against Cain, who headed the association from 1996-1999.

    The AP said the Cain campaign had no comment.

  • d cwilson

    Someone needs to ask why does God only talk to stupid asshats?

  • Aliasalpha

    I think there must be a liberal atheist who’s developed telepathy and is using it to take the piss out of morons by convincing them they’re hearing god’s commands to run for office

  • fordi

    You know, KISS (keep it simple, stupid) is a manstay of godless, liberal programmers.

    Unfortunately, we’re excluded from politics by another mainstay: DRY (don’t repeat yourself).

  • ebotebo

    One thing I do know and that is there are more than just a few in Congress. But I speak of the 5th District of Iowa where the local Xtians and the idiot right have continued to place the largest (yet the smallest) Ass Hat in the House of Representatives. Good ol’ Steve King, who has earned the nickname (from at least myself) “shit-stain!” Due to the fact that almost every time he opens his mouth, he defecates orally over himself, his shoes, and those around him!!!

  • chrisj

    I talk to God and yes, he does answer me. He’s not sitting there going “Joe!” No, he answers me through prayer.

    So let me get this straight: Joe talks to God, and God prays to Joe, is that what he’s saying?