We’re Going to Orange!

We’re Going to Orange! November 15, 2011

The federal government may have tested its emergency alert system just in time to warn the nation about an impending terrorist attack. The evidence for that attack? A fundie nutball has had dreams about it.

I’m writing to make you aware of several warnings I’ve received recently concerning terrorist attacks against America, and to ask you to join me in praying for protection from these attacks. Within the last few months I have had several credible dreams presented to me about this, five of which have been within the last week. While warnings such as these are subjective in nature, and dreams always need careful discernment and interpretation, I feel that the dramatic and sudden increase of these warnings merits this call to prayer.

Prayer? Forget prayer, we must go to orange on the terror threat color chart! Maybe even burnt sienna!


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TRENDING AT PATHEOS Nonreligious
What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Stevarious

    Well I’VE had several dreams over the last couple weeks about bumping into Rachel Nichols at an amusement park. Should we go to bright green on the gorgeous actress alert system? It seems reasonable.

  • “credible dreams” so much more boring than those wild incredible ones.

  • Abby Normal

    I’m afraid the sheep entrails I read this morning confirm it, a terror attack is imminent. I would say no later than Friday based on the remnants of my morning tea. Also, Libras, now is the time to act on that romantic interest you’ve been wondering about.

  • So, we’re all gonna pray about it, and Gaawwwd in His Mercy will avert the attacks (so completely we’ll never even hear about the plot), which proves that prayer works, and my prophetic dreams were right!

    Heads I win, tails you lose.

  • jamessweet

    I have had several credible dreams

    Well that’s some weapons-grade stupid right there in only six words. What the fuck is a “credible dream”!?!?

    I have taken several articulate dumps in the past several weeks. What does that mean?

  • @5: I have taken several articulate dumps in the past several weeks. What does that mean?

    I’d say it means you should see a gastroenterologist, stat.

  • I think we should go plaid!

  • d cwilson

    I’ve had several “credible dreams” about Eliza Dushku falling stark naked into my arms. Still hasn’t happened.

  • Didaktylos

    @jamessweet #5 – can we take that as an admission that you talk sh1t?

  • freemage

    Didn’t Osama claim that the idea for the 9/11 attacks came to him in a dream in the first place? If so, it would seem that the Invisible Pink Unicorn God is playing both sides of the fence, here….

  • dingojack

    Just don’t tell the Irish Republicans! – 🙂 Dingo

  • Crudely Wrott

    The credible, edible dream?

    Hey, Dutch, eat it!! Then read your turds in the morning light.

    (Five’ll get you ten you won’t know you’re talkin’ shit.)

    *Magical Thinking — it poisons everything*

  • Aquaria

    IANAPscyhiatrist, but it seems like this guy needs to stop watching the 9/11 attack video like it’s terror porn. That might make this problem ease up at least a little.

  • greg1466

    I particularly like the descriptions of the dreams as ‘credible’.

  • twincats

    @jamessweet #5 – can we take that as an admission that you talk sh1t?

    Actually, it seems more like he shits talk. Well done, but pls to transcribe before sharing…

  • dingojack

    Lickily, the panic isn’t over ‘Teh Gay Agenda’. Orange is sooo last season!

    Dingo

    Or perhaps here (or here) is the desired destination.

  • Katherine Lorraine (#7) — Thanks, I just snorfed burrito out my nose.