God Abandons Pujols for Tebow

God Abandons Pujols for Tebow December 24, 2011

You really have to feel sorry for Albert Pujols. That poor guy was forced to sign a $254 million free agent contract with the Angels rather than resigning with the Cardinals — and his wife is mad at God over the whole thing.

“When it all came down, I was mad,” Deidre Pujols told the radio station. “I was mad at God because I felt like all the signs that had been played out through the baseball field, our foundation, our restaurant, the Down Syndrome Center, my relationships, my home, my family close. I mean, we had no reason, not one reason, to want to leave. People were deceived by the numbers.”

I’m sure it will comfort those in the world who cannot find food or clean water that Pujols questions God’s wisdom too. But God is obviously far too busy helping Tim Tebow win football games to worry about the really important things like where Pujols plays baseball for obscene amounts of money. Oh, the humanity.

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • garnetstar

    The horror. The horror.

  • Aquaria

    What were the Angels thinking?

    I guess, though, that there’s every reason to expect him to be able to play another 7 years or so. His numbers are down a little, but I think he might have a good career in the AL as a designated hitter. As long as he doesn’t have the same problem that Pat Burrell or Aubrey Huff had, of having their power slough off dramatically when they hit 35.

    But–hey–if they Angels are gonna throw money around on overpaid players in their 30s, maybe they’d take Barry Zito off the Giants’ hands!

    Giants fans could only dream of that.

  • Pierce R. Butler

    Once DeeDee has been turned into a pillar of salt, will Al be theolegally able to re-marry? What about his daughters (if any)?

  • Aquaria

    When it all came down, I was mad,” Deidre Pujols told the radio station. “I was mad at God because I felt like all the signs that had been played out through the baseball field, our foundation, our restaurant, the Down Syndrome Center, my relationships, my home, my family close. I mean, we had no reason, not one reason, to want to leave.

    Except your own filthy greed.

  • Larry

    That wily ol’ debil hisself (in the guise of the CA Angels) threw A QUARTER OF A BILLION DOLLARS(!!!) at poor, little Albert and, dagnabit, he just couldn’t help himself. Gotta provide for the family, ya know. Now his wife is angry at god for lettin’ it happen.

    Another happy family destroyed.

  • frankb

    With a quarter of a billion dollars, your own learjet can make commuting from St. Louis to LA easy.

  • peterh

    It just can’t get stupider . . . .

    But then . . . .

  • carolw

    Cry me a fuckin’ river.

  • Aquaria

    It just can’t get stupider . . . .

    But then . . . .

    It is the Angels we’re talking about.

    They have a history of this sort of thing.

  • carlie

    “People were deceived by the numbers”? Which people? Her husband and his agent, who signed the deal? Gosh, I thought when God was giving you all kinds of signs to do something you did it, even (especially) if it involves personal sacrifice. I guess they didn’t get the memo, since all the signs said to stay in St. Louis except the one with the dollar amount attached.

  • @4 10,

    Exactly. If she believed all those things were signs from God, then wasn’t it the Satan dangling that extra cash in front of them, to lure them off the path God had shown them?

    “Then Albert and Deidre were led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. And even though they had eaten all they could and had a thousand loaves left over, they moved to California to collect 10 more.”

  • ehmm

    tsk. tsk. They can be tricky, those signs. And so close to Christmas.

    The stupid; it burns.

  • duck1887

    I read that Albert really wanted his contract to be bigger than A-Rod’s ridiculous $250M deal, which just seems petty (though I can understand the feeling). BTW I fully expect him to playing for Boston in about ten years.

  • He’s in the American League now? Good… I can boo him when he comes to Oakland.

    Meanwhile I wish god would get so mad at me that he’d dump $250 million in my lap. Hell, I’d settle for snit.

    One more thing: Go A’s.

  • duck1887

    Hey RevRod – What do you think about the Gio Gonzalez trade?

  • For fucks sakes, you could have taken a pay cut and stayed in St. Louis. If God did anything, it was to put dollar signs in your husband’s eyes.

  • “God Abandons Pujols for Tebow”

    As I write, God has also abandoned Tebow in a big way. Get off your duff, God!

  • Based on the Denver-Buffalo game I’m watching right now, God has suddenly changed his mind about Tebow! He’s thrown 3 interceptions, a career record…LOL, correction, 4 interceptions!

  • stubby

    Thinking of all those Teblowers asking god why he let their savior lose a game on christmas eve has really brightened my day.

  • slc1

    Tebow’s Broncos got the shit kicked out of them this afternoon.

  • peterh

    Not just 4 simple interceptions; two of them were run back for touchdowns. Last week creamed by a team with a good offense but horrible defense, this week creamed by a so-so but coming team.

  • Who Knows?

    Wow, I feel like an absolute douche. All I was mad at God about was being raped when I was 10. This woman has real problems. I’m going to pray for her right now.

  • duck1887 @ 15:

    I think it’s a good trade! The A’s got Peacock and Milone, two promising pitchers, and a catcher.

    But where were we? That’s right… Tebow threw 4 interceptions on Christmas Eve! Why didn’t he try a Hail Mary? Because that’s Catholic!

  • Re myself @ 23:

    Rewrite of the punch-line: Why didn’t he try a Hail Mary? Because he’s not Catholic.

    (This shows why I failed at being a comedian.)

  • Midnight Rambler

    You guys are late to the show. God already abandoned Tebow, before the Patriots stomped all over the Broncos last week. Funny how that sort of thing starts to happen once people like Tebow start to play real teams.

  • martinc

    Perhaps Albert considers God awarding him $254 million merely counts as adequate compensation for naming him Poo-holes in the first place.

    Tebow’s sudden fallibility confirms his quarterbacking skills are non-supernatural from the point of view of an atheist, but are two losses enough to make a Christian ponder?

    Yee hah! Two stupid name puns in the same post! Thank you God!

  • dingojack

    “I was mad at God because I felt like all the signs that had been played out through the baseball field, our foundation, our restaurant, the Down Syndrome Center, my relationships, my home, my family close.”

    Fundies, never met a mixed metaphor they haven’t embraced with gusto.

    ‘I was mad at god because I felt all the signs that were played out through [insert list here] close

    Who knew god’s miraculous signs could close, can they open too Deidre?

    @@ Dingo

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