Beware the Fiery Missiles of Satan

Beware the Fiery Missiles of Satan January 5, 2012

Mike Bickle of the International House of Prayer has a message to gay people. If you don’t do everything you can to deny and fight your homosexuality, you will face the “flaming missiles of the Evil One.” So you’ve got that going for you. Which is nice.

httpv://youtu.be/dcNnhTQv2D8

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  • Randomfactor

    What a coincidence…”flaming missile of the Evil One” is my private nickname for my favorite appendage.

  • RickR

    The large, thick, heavy flaming missiles of Satan, standing erect and firm from His unholy (sweaty and muscular) thighs.

    *Something something shoved down their throats something something*

  • carlsonjok

    Well, at least he didn’t talk about how he was tired of having the gay agenda rammed down his throat.

  • RickR

    Why? Why must they make it so very very easy?

  • regexp

    Is “Flaming missiles of the Evil One” night tuesdays or thursdays at the local gay bar? I always forget.

  • Larry

    Now that would make a great name for a band!

  • Mr Ed

    I really liked “Flaming missiles of the Evil One” but “Flaming missiles of the Evil One II” was awful.

  • peterh

    @ #4: Easy? They doing the best they know how. /snick, snick

    @ #7: Sequels & prequels are generally pretty bad.

  • What, they’re dipping the Gay Agenda in hot sauce before shoving it down the throats of good Christians? I’m sure some good Christians would find that quite yummy (in a horribly shameful way, of course).

    Seriously, “flaming missiles of the Evil One?” Where did they get that from — a gay-porn movie directed by Charlie Sheen?

    Oh look, there’s an ad for “Grace Prayer” with a cute little girl in Victoria’s Secret fake wings. I guess her prayers will protect us from teh flaming missiles, right? Who the Hell writes those ad-targeting algorithms?

  • RickR

    Funny, I see an ad up top for Collins Fashion Design College.

    It’s UNWHOLESOMELY fabulous.

  • charleskellogg

    Now I’m hungry for spicy kabob flambe.

  • RickR

    Also-

    International House of Prayer

    IHOP? Seriously?

  • Tualha

    Shall we start a pool on how soon Mike Bickle is caught with a rent boy?

  • Yeah, seriously, at IHOP the prayers are stacked at least three high at a time and soaked all over in sticky sweet syrup! No flaming missiles there — they don’t have a liquor licence!

  • Zinc Avenger

    I thought their god was going to punish them. So I guess “the Evil One” is their cute nickname for Him?

  • abear

    The IHOP slogan;

    Rooty tooty, crazed and loopy.

  • #12: Their second choice for a name was Aunt Jemima’s Witnesses.

  • stubby

    God damn I can’t stand people like this.

  • Given that God hasn’t done away with Satan forever ago it seems pretty obvious he’s doing whatever it is he’s doing on God’s orders.

  • carlie

    Oh Satan, your missile is so hot. ?

  • Blondin

    That guy just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

  • Azkyroth

    I’m pretty sure that’s only a level 5 spell.

  • steve oberski

    If the Philip José Farmer short story “J.C. on the Dude Ranch” can be taken at face value, He does have 2 such Fiery Appendages.

  • meg

    Hang on – why is the ‘Evil One’ sending the flaming missiles at teh gay? Cause I though they were on his side? Or am I using logic again?

  • jefferylanam

    I picked up some Flaming Missiles of the Evil One on level 17, but they’re no damn good against Cave Trolls or Fire Elementals.

  • Akira MacKenzie

    “flaming missiles of the Evil One…”

    Oh! Sound nasty! What edition can I find that spell? Holmes? Moldvay? Metzner?

  • dingojack

    It’s funny how satan can hit invidual targets with such accuracy, god on the other hand… perhaps fundies are cheering for the wrong side.

    jefferylanam – for Cave Trolls or Fire Elementals you need ‘The Flaming Hard-on Sword of Poxy™

    🙂 Dingo

  • Aquaria

    The projection is strong in this one.

  • exdrone

    At the other IHOP, they encourage you to mix and match combos to come up with tasty new pairing. If you’re into experimenting, care to stay for breakfast?

  • Eh, guys, if your missile is flaming, it’s time to see the doctor.

  • WMD Kitty:

    Only if it remains ignited for more than 4 hours.

  • dingojack

    Furthering the above conversation: Shish kebab anyone?

    (yes, I appal even myself)

    😀 Dingo

  • lordshipmayhem

    I’ve thought the best way to avoid the flaming missiles of Satan is to avoid any restaurant where the food that shouldn’t be green, is, and the food that should be green, isn’t.

  • Drat, it’s too late to matter. I was just thinking that “Flaming missles of Satan” would play hell with one’s hemmorhoids.

  • dingojack

    Demo – you’re thinking of that problem common to overeaters of spicy foods – Cash’s Syndrome*. 🙂

    Dingo

    —–

    * or less politely, ‘Burning Ring of Fire’

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