Holy Dildos, Batman

Holy Dildos, Batman January 7, 2012

Did you know there’s a growing niche market for religious sex toys? I didn’t either. But the Daily Beast reports on companies that market sex toys solely to married heterosexual couples on the basis of helping to preserve those marriages.

Sex and religion have long been perceived to be at odds, with carnal pleasures representing sin more than saintliness. Yet in recent years, a handful of savvy Christian, Jewish and Muslim entrepreneurs have embraced the notion that the two can coexist in a way that jibes with doctrine—and even glorifies traditional values by strengthening marriages.

Enter the religious sex-toy industry, which carefully markets and sells a range of sexual-pleasure products to the faithful. With the voice and disposition of a summer-camp director, Joy Wilson founded Book 22 a decade ago, when she had trouble “getting her body to respond” to her husband after their second child, and her online search for remedies yielded scandalous imagery that offended more than it helped. The pioneering site, named after the Biblical book also known as the Song of Solomon, now faces growing competition from rival vendors including Hooking Up HolyIntimacy of Eden, and Covenant Spice.

And the industry grew exponentially this fall with the launch of the Orthodox Jewish shop Kosher Sex Toys, and last year with the Muslim vendor El Asira. The sites even enjoy the support of many community leaders. “Religious people do it like everybody else,” said David Ribner, a rabbi and sex therapist based in Israel, who works as a consultant for Kosher Sex Toys. “Why shouldn’t they have access to toys that make their lives more satisfying?”

To be clear, the “religious people” targeted are married, heterosexual religious people; pious sex-toy vendors market their products exclusively to these couples. Unlucky in love and looking for some solitary fun after morning prayers? Look elsewhere.

What happens in the heterosexual marital bed, however, should be nothing short of transcendent, say the site owners, who happily report that their holy books not only permit sexual fulfillment between partners, but require it. “If a man is unable to please a woman in bed, she can divorce him,” said Abdelaziz Aouragh, a 30-year-old Dutch Muslim businessman who founded El Asira—stressing the Islamic belief that “man and woman must reach their peak” during intercourse, and that only then is the “deed complete.”

I bet the baby Jesus butt plug provokes more “oh Gods” than any of those companies’ toys can.

"I'm looking at free blogs."

The Comment Filter Problem
"That reminds me of the time, back in the 80s, when a certain newspaper decided ..."

The Comment Filter Problem
"20 years in the Navy enriched my vocabulary exceedingly well."

The Comment Filter Problem
"> No inanimate object should be so venerated that its destruction by its owner carries ..."

Trump Again Wants Law Banning Flag ..."

Browse Our Archives

Follow Us!


TRENDING AT PATHEOS Nonreligious
What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Larry

    Brings a whole new meaning to the phrase “Come to Jesus”, don’t it?

  • dingojack

    But are the ‘Kosher sex toys’ prayed over, killed humanely then drained of their – offending fluids?

    Inquiring minds need to know.

    🙂 Dingo

    —–

    PS: Yes, yes, I know, but the term usually covers dietary laws.

  • dingojack

    Aren’t there some states where owning sex-toys is illegal?

    Any guesses how long it is ’till we see cops bringing out big boxes of dildoes from the lovely home of Rev. Lovejoy and his wife Helen? (Or does that sort of thing only happen to brown people?)

    Dingo

  • boadinum

    I wonder if there’s a Santorum sex toy…then again, I don’t want to know.

  • dingojack

    Do they sell one in the shape of Marcus Bachmann?

    I couldn’t think of a bigger, more fake, prick, can you?

    😀 Dingo

    ——–

    BTW the word ‘dildo’ is of 16th Century origin, but obscure.

    My favorite mention is:

    “Curse Eunuke dilldo, senceless counterfet”

    Choise of Valentines or the Merie Ballad of Nash his Dildo

    Thomas Nashe, c.1593

  • dingojack

    Sorry I meant:

    Marcus Bachmann: the biggest, stiffest, most fake prick – in America! [/Jeremy Clarkson]

    Dingo

  • I can hear him now:

    “We can’t allow sex toys in the bedroom any more than we can allow gay marriage, sodomy between a married man and woman, or contraception. Because if we allow sex toys, we will have to allow sex dogs.”

    And you know who I mean.

    p.s.

    I wonder why nobody stands up to him and says: “You sir have a filthy mind!”

  • After some curiosity, er, I mean, research, I followed the Daily Beast link to ‘Book 22’, and found the Christmas stockings for sale, that included: ‘Frisky Finger Massager’ and ‘Happy Penis Edible Cream’.

    I am shocked, SHOCKED!

    (Have fun, kids!)

  • @6

    Actually, Jeremy clarkson would be “in the wooorllld”, your thinking Bandit Kieth lol.

  • dingojack

    suzysalaksartok – You really think poor ol’ Marcus could compete with the range of dildoes in the whole woooorld?

    Relative to the leader of Her Maj’s Loyal Opposition I’ve got locally, Marcus is a soft cock.

    Dingo

  • exdrone

    Let’s get a couple of easy ones out of the way first:

    Just a closer wank with thee.

    and

    I always thought the sisters were carrying around rosary beads.

    When I checked out some of the sites, I expected to see some biblical quotes, faith-centered testimonials or other rationalizations, but except for the website names, the sites are no different that normal sex product sites.

    I wonder when you confirm your purchase whether you have to attest that the products will only be used within the context of a traditional marriage?

  • Jordan Genso

    I know marital status is a protected class in at least some regards, so I wonder if it is illegal for these companies to prohibit non-married individuals from purchasing something from their store?

  • peterh

    “I’m a Christian, but this is awesome,” she said. “It was like being newlyweds again.”

    Where, outside an insane asylum, would the two portions of that comment have even the tiniest connection? I almost wrote “outside padded cells,” but perhaps they’ve incorporated those, too. I didn’t look around very long except to notice those items of joy and liberation have been on the market, in one form or another, for all of recorded history.

  • “If a man is unable to please a woman in bed, she can divorce him,” said Abdelaziz Aouragh, a 30-year-old Dutch Muslim businessman who founded El Asira—stressing the Islamic belief that “man and woman must reach their peak” during intercourse, and that only then is the “deed complete.”

    Imagine the divorce rate if something equivalent to that were part of Christian belief.

  • Aquaria

    I bet the baby Jesus butt plug provokes more “oh Gods” than any of those companies’ toys can.

    Scroll up for the Jackhammer Jesus.

    There’s a new way to be filled with the, uh, spirit of Christ.

    Hm. I see that Divine Interventions has some new toys I haven’t checked out yet. The Bible Thumper makes me think of my friend who convinced the Mormon missionaries who came to her house to–

    Never mind. Don’t ask. I never should have told her they took a vow of celibacy.

  • dingojack

    This from the same mind set that gave us:

    ‘Come pleasure me Children’ Jesus night-light switches.

    Of course there’s nothing creepy here… move along…

    Dingo

  • bet the baby Jesus butt plug provokes more “oh Gods” than any of those companies’ toys can.

    Dude, I don’t know. Hookin Up Holy sells an entire line of Aneros prostate stimulators which…well, you’ll just have to look. They aren’t messing around!

  • Honest to Christ I thought I was worldly and had heard it all, what with living in the SF Bay Area and having friends who’d worked in ERs, but these websites devoted to promoting holy orgasms makes me feel as though I’d just hatched!

    Furthermore, I should not have looked at Dingo’s link to the ‘Come Pleasure Me Children Night Light Switch’ while sipping coffee! That is the funniest thing I’ve seen all year.

  • Uncle Glenny

    This is good news for John McCain.

  • A dildo with a cross at one end would provide a handy grip. Just sayin’ …

  • An interesting name for “holy sex toys” shop might be “The Second Coming.”

  • peterh

    @ #20:

    Doin’ double duty, eh? Brings a new poignancy to the profile entry “versatile.”

  • scifi1

    Hey, don’t forget these sexy ‘sinners’!

    http://christiannymphos.org/

    The cognitive dissonance is strong in these ‘ladies’!

    In reality, once you’ve started to read, it’s very sad.

  • a miasma of incandescent plasma

    their holy books not only permit sexual fulfillment between partners, but require it.

    Actually no, x-ianity says this:

    “the time is short: it remaineth, that both they that have wives be as though they had none.”

    So, translation – “are you married? yes? then don’t have sex”

    Paul, like Jesus and the rest of the authors of the NT, thought Jesus would be back really really soon, like “in-your-lifetime” soon. I don’t know where exactly they got this impression, may have come from the reported words from the Jesus H Christ d00d himself. But right before that it talks about if you’re not married, don’t try to get married, cause time is short. Adds another funny to those christian dating websites we occassionally are subjected to around here.

    quote – 1 Corintians 7:29

    And… we’re still waiting… good thing religious people don’t actually follow (or even know) what their holy book says.

  • Pingback: watch the dark knight rises online()

  • Pingback: lingerie()