Who Killed Whitney? Could It Be … Satan???

Who Killed Whitney? Could It Be … Satan??? February 15, 2012

Get ready for some seriously loopy “logic” from a wingnut preacher, who says — and no, I’m not making this up — that Satan is killing popular singers because music is a gift from God and if people like the music, they’ll trace it back to the God that gave that person the gift of being able to sing. Or something.

What do the tragic deaths of great talents like Elvis Presley, Kurt Cobain, Amy Winehouse, and now Whitney Houston all have in common? The evil hand of Satan, according to author and church leader Trevin Wax.

“The Evil One not only hates it when people find joy in God [but]…he also hates it when people find joy in God’s gifts,” said Wax in a recent blog…

“It’s easy to follow the path from being awed at Houston’s talents to being awed at the God who grants talent in the first place. Whenever we see people in this world whose gifts inspire wonder, we are seeing signposts that point us to the God who loves the world enough to shower us with gifts of common grace, even as His greatest expression of love is demonstrated through the blood-drenched cross of His Son.”

In order to deprive the world from hearing about God’s saving grace as well as His common grace, however, Satan works hard to extinguish all “signposts,” leading people to squander the good gifts from above.

Okay, so that does explain why Celine Dion and Kenny G have been allowed to live.

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  • sisu

    [blockquote]What do the tragic deaths of great talents like Elvis Presley, Kurt Cobain, Amy Winehouse, and now Whitney Houston all have in common? [/blockquote]

    See, and here I thought the answer was drugs…

  • sisu

    my kingdom for an edit button!

  • Alverant

    But everyone knows that God hates comedy musicians. Just ask them.

  • mikeym

    While alive, weren’t Elvis Presley, Kurt Cobain, and Amy Winehouse regarded by the Christian Right as tools of the Devil?

  • jamessweet

    sisu, I think it was Satan that made you use square brackets instead of angular ones.

  • anteprepro

    Funny. Amy Winehouse, Whitney Houston, and Kurt Cobain were all drug-users. Elvis was hated at the time by the godly for being too sexual, with his hip thrusting and all. There’s also John Lennon, who died young and anti-religious. And all of them were big stars who never used their music as much to bring glory to THE LAHRD as they did to themselves. If I know YHWH’s M.O., from either the Old Testament or from the random screeds of a far right pastor, that sounds like the kind of folks He would be sacredly smiting for their various “sins”, rather than people that Satan might decide to be a buzz-kill by taking away a handful of our popular musicians. Since, if we have learned anything from the era of Satanic panic over rock and roll, it is that Satan absolutely despises the music industry. Death metal is really all about Jesus, after all.

    But, I’m no Sophisticated Theologian, so don’t quote me on any of this. I would hate to besmirch the name of religion by speaking on the matter without the proper handful of doctorates in a subject that is just glorified Sunday school.

  • Chiroptera

    sisu, #2:

    Wait ’til you start using the “Preview” button and then quickly clicking “Submit” after barely glancing at your comment. Then you’ll really feel stupid.

  • busterggi

    This Satan person seems to cause all kinds of trouble. I would expect an all-loving god to put an end to his doings.

    BTW, is Prussian Blue still singing?

  • Thorne

    I guess Satan isn’t too worried about people following Trevin Wax to God, is he?

  • Chiroptera

    If Satan was afraid that music would bring us to God, isn’t it too late after the music has been produced? Wouldn’t he do better to kill their grandfathers before their fathers are conceived?

  • G.P.Plascencia

    Then ¿may I consider all rappers and reaggetoneros as God’s joke on us?

  • Tualha

    Doesn’t explain why hundreds of other excellent artists are still alive and kicking, though, including quite a few who use their music as a form of ministry. Or hey, if Satan is killing musicians for leading people to g-d, why hasn’t he killed all the most effective preachers? Why didn’t he kill Trevin Wax before he could blow the whole conspiracy wide open? See, Trevin, this is called the scientific method. First, you get an idea. Then, you test it! You forgot about step two there.

  • Elvis’ only Grammy Award came for his gospel album.

    You could look it up.

    Whitney Houston came from a church tradition, and as far as I know, was a strong believer in Jesus right until the minute she OD’d on booze and pills.

    …and then there’s Mick Jagger. “Sympathy for the Devil”, anyone?

  • Zinc Avenger

    Satan is working to extinguish all good things?

    Protect the beer!

  • Reverend PJ

    Okay, so that does explain why Celine Dion and Kenny G have been allowed to live.

    Their talent is a gift from Satan?

  • Alverant

    [Adam Sandler singing “Chaunaka Song”]

    The argument that music is a gift from God is disproved.

  • Randomfactor

    BTW, is Prussian Blue still singing?

    Nope. They moved to Montana and woke up. (They started their “career” around here.)

    The pot helped, I’m sure.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2016296/Were-healers-Prussian-Blue-twins-say-Neo-Nazi-pop-group-phase-plan-push-legalisation-marijuana.html

  • KennyG

    See, and here I thought the answer was drugs…

    Don’t you get it? Satan created drugs, and drugs killed Elvis Presley, Kurt Cobain, Amy Winehouse, and Whitney Houston. So by the transitive property, Satan killed them. 😛

    BTW, is Prussian Blue still singing?

    Thankfully no. They also abandoned white supremacism.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2016296/Were-healers-Prussian-Blue-twins-say-Neo-Nazi-pop-group-phase-plan-push-legalisation-marijuana.html

  • shouldbeworking

    So Roseanne Barr’s singing talent is from gawd too? After all, when was the last time she was allowed to sing “The Star-spangled Banner”? The devil’s hand is at work here!

  • Cliff Hendroval

    I’m going to see Richard Thompson perform tonight, which proves music comes from Allah.

  • baal

    The endless ret-con from the wingnuts is tedious, repetitive and endless. You’d think they have minimal memories and a tendency to make stuff up to suit their current whims.

  • d cwilson

    The fact that Keith Richards has managed to stay alive after all these years disproves any claim that Satan is chopping down rock/pop stars at young ages. But the beauty of confirmation bias is that you can look at any group and find a collection of people who died young and use it as proof of any claim you want.

  • d cwilson

    KennyG (Watch your back, dude, Satan is gunning for you!):

    Don’t you get it? Satan created drugs, and drugs killed Elvis Presley, Kurt Cobain, Amy Winehouse, and Whitney Houston. So by the transitive property, Satan killed them. 😛

    Originally, Satan focused on killing rock stars in vehicle crashes (didn’t know Satan created small engine aircraft, did you?) He had some initial success, managing to knock off Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valenz, and the Big Bopper in one blow, but he switched to drugs in the 1960s.

  • Maybe he finally noticed that when you play their songs backwards they don’t tell you to worship his Satanic Majesty?

    (Either that or god’s doing it because he’s finally noticed that they do!)

  • Chris from Europe

    @shouldbeworking

    Look for the clip on YouTube and tell the commenters that her singing is protected by the First Amendment. You get wonderful replies and personal messages.

  • lordshipmayhem

    @ jamessweet #5

    sisu, I think it was Satan that made you use square brackets instead of angular ones.

    It’s because it reminds Miroslav of hockey nets. He’s very manic about that.

  • doktorzoom

    Robert Johnson would like to have a word with all these young whippersnappers who think talent comes from God…

  • ambassadorfromverdammt

    He had some initial success, managing to knock off Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valenz, and the Big Bopper in one blow, but he switched to drugs in the 1960s.

    Lynyrd Skynyrd and Stevie Ray Vaughan were just for practice?

  • jjgdenisrobert

    It’s funny, I could have sworn I heard preachers say the exact opposite of this. How can I decide who’s right, who’s wrong?

    Oh that’s right: just ignore them. They’re both so obviously full of shit.

  • jba55

    “It’s easy to follow the path from being awed at Houston’s talents to being awed at the God who grants talent in the first place.”

    No it isn’t, not anymore than it’s easy to follow the path that bacon is awesome to… ok, bad example.

    “His greatest expression of love is demonstrated through the blood-drenched cross of His Son”

    Seriously? Gore-hound much? I would prefer not to have any of this kind of love, thank you. Although there are clubs that would pay big bucks to have this God fellow work their customers over for them.

    “Death metal is really all about Jesus, after all.”

    I think an argument could be made that Christian death metal is a sign that evil is real…

  • timberwoof

    The Debbil hasn’t given up on using airplanes. Jim Croce, John Denver, and Lynyrd Skynyrd all augured in. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_rock_stars_killed_in_airplane_crashes for the rest. Oh, never mind. I see the Debbil deleted that page so his sekrit plan would not be exposed.

  • exdrone

    Everyone knows that, with Trevin Wax, no amount of polish gives you more than a dull result.

  • ambulocetacean

    So why is Pat Boone still alive? And everyone who plays in Joel Osteen’s band? And why did it take Satan so long to smite that notorious god-botherer Johnny Cash?

    I suppose Cat Stevens is still alive because Allah is a satanic Arab moon god and definitely not Yahweh.

    Adam Sandler deserves to spend eternity boiling in goat semen for not allowing the Australian punk band Yidcore to cover his stupid Hannukah song.

    BTW, Elvis was a giant gospel nut.

  • Aliasalpha

    If satan needs a list of targets, I can point him to the top 40. If only he could give us back Ronnie James Dio & Dimebag Darrell it’d be a net profit for music.

  • dingojack

    I suspect it was god, exhibiting his usual uncanny marksmanship.

    Dingo

  • nmcc

    And then there’s Cliff Richard…his survival into his 70s must be miraculous. I fancy both Satan and Yahweh would have dibs on his demise.

  • slc1

    Re #31

    Not to mention Ricky Nelson who I went to elementary school with a million years ago.

  • matty1

    And then there’s Cliff Richard…his survival into his 70s must be miraculous. I fancy both Satan and Yahweh would have dibs on his demise.

    That’s why he can’t die neither wants to risk Cliff showing up on their doorstep with the disembodied soul of a microphone threatening to sing Millennium Prayer.

  • nmcc

    Like most other Christians who feel that little devils sticking red hot pokers up your arse for all eternity isn’t quite, you know, 2012, William Lane Craig says that hell is simply a place where non-believers go so as to be ‘separated’ from God. Perhaps the really hellish aspect of this is to be separated from God – and serenaded by Cliff…forever and ever!

  • anandine

    Then why do they say the devil has all the good music?

  • dingojack

    nmcc – nope Cliff’s got a seat upfront in the great heavenly choir. Enjoy, god-felchers, enjoy!

    Something like this prehaps? (with a little good advice & theatre criticism just for fun).

    😉 Dingo

  • amadan

    Actually, it’s easy to show that it’s the Obama Administration that’s behind it. If you look at the documents available at . . . hang on, there’s a strange black helicopter hovering over my hou

  • stace

    Okay, so that does explain why Celine Dion and Kenny G have been allowed to live.

    And Michael Bolton.

  • Rip Steakface

    How the fuck is Scott Stapp still alive?

    Also, if music is a gift from TEH LAWRD, then why is there such a preponderance of explicitly anti-religious music? From soft piano ballads by Tim Minchin to gory, disgusting and awesome death metal, music has long been an agent of Evil(tm). Let’s look at some lyrics from a random hard rock song:

    I’ll give you black sensations up and down your spine

    If you’re into evil, you’re a friend of mine

    See the white light flashing as I split the night

    Cos if good’s on the left then I’m sticking to the right

    I won’t take no prisoners won’t spare no lives

    Nobody’s puttin’ up a fight

    I got my bell I’m gonna take you to hell

    I’m gonna get ya satan get ya

    That’s not even particularly heavy music there either – my 69 year old, former minister-turned-apostate grandfather loves AC/DC.

    If Satan is the one that kills all of our good musicians, why did one of his biggest fans, Euronymous (a theistic Satanist black metal musician), get murdered?

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