More Email to American Atheists

More Email to American Atheists March 12, 2012

I posted a bunch of emails that had been sent by some good Christian folks to American Atheists the other day, but this one deserves a post all its own. It’s unusual to see a screed like this in email; it’s usually scrawled in crayon on a Piggly Wiggly bag.

FIRST u DOUBLE TALKING HYPOCRITICAL faggotass,demonic,liberal PIECES OF SHIT!!u MORONS SAY”WE WANT THE CHRISTIANS TO ACCEPT THE WHHOLLLE BIBLE”STUPID FUCKS!!! THEN WHEN THEY THROW CONDEMNATION @ u FAGGOTS ITS,”ISNT THE BIBLE ALL ABOUT LOVE,WHY YOU JUDGING US???!!!!THIS IS J U S T ONE EXAMPLE ,BUT TOYALY TYPICAL OF HOW u FAGGOTS REACT/DOUBLE TALK ON EVERY(BAR NONE)ISSUE,SITUATION,ARGUMENT!!!ABOUT THE STUPID ANTI (GOD)”YEAR OF THE BIBLE” SITUATION u FUCKING GOD (G O D ) DAMNED(D A M N E D )PIECES OF SHIT!! AGAIN READ WHOLE(W H O L E ) BIBLE MISERABLE HOMOS.#1THAT WAS DURING THE TIME WHEN EVERYONE AND THEIR FUCKING BROTHER OWNED SLAVES(STUPID FUCKS LIKE ur BITCH ASS PUNK FUCKING “billboard”(eg:SHOWS BLACK SLAVE,HMMMSLAVERY WAS ALIVE AND WELL IN 20th CENTURY AND STILL IS TODAY NO FAGGOTS????? SEX SLAVES,RUTHLESS TYRANTS & AUTOCRATS ,GENOCIDES ETC.ALL PERPETRATED BY GODLESS GOD DAMNED FUCKING PIECES OF SHIT JUST LIKE u BITCHES…N O T CHRISTIANS WHO FOLLOW THE BIBLE(eg:1 COR.13:1,JOHN3:16,JOHN13:34,MARK12:29-31,1JOHN4:8,ETC,ETC,ETC)DUMB SON OF A BITCHES!!!IM A TRUE CHRISTIAN AND HELL YEAH I READ AND BELIEVE ALL THE BIBLE AND LOVE THE PARTS WHERE GOD HAD ISRAELITES”DEVOTE”WHOLE TOWNS.BEST IS WHEN HE HAD 1(ONE)AND O N L Y 1( O N E )OF HIS ANGELS K I L L 185,000 ENEMIES OF THE HEBREWS(eg:THE SYRIAN ARMY OF SENNACHERIB,2KINGS 19:35.HERES FUNNIEST ! FORu STUPID FUCKING FAGGOT MORONS…..ROMANS1:18-20(ALL VERSES NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION,NOT PHONY PRETEND TO BE HOLY KJV).WHY u FAGGOTS ARE SO FUCKED UP IN THE HEADS IS THIS..u STUPI P’s O S MADE CHOICE AT VERY YOUNG AGE TO REJECT GOD AND KNEW HELL WAS INEVITABLE(HEBREWS 10:27,27).SO NO WONDER u FUCKING WIERDOS DO THE STUPID SHIT u LOONY TOONS DO!!!!ur SCARED SRAIGHT FKN INSANE FROM WHAT u FKN RTRDS K N O W(WITHOUT A –DOUBT) IS COMING…FIIIIIIIRRRRRREEEEEE!!!HHAHAHAHAHA (LMAO).THING ABOUT GOD IS THIS…NUMBER ONE HE IS TOTALY LOVING…#2 HE IS TOTALY JUST AND YOU/u GET WHAT YOU/u DESERVE(ECCLES.12:14&2COR.5:10).u PIECES OF SHIT ARE FULL OF IT u CITE JEFFERSON “WALL OF SEPERATION “THEN TOTALY DISREGARD THE PUNCH THAT SAYS .’…FREEDOM OF RELIGIOUS EXPRESSION…”FUCKING MORONS .PILGRIMS(AKA PURITANS ARE THE ONES WHO FOUNDED THIS COUNTRY AND IT SPECIFICALLY WAS[FOR]RELIGIOUS FREEDOM(FROM STATE/KING RUN CHURCHES LIKE THEY HAD IN ENGLAND ..GOD DAMNED FKN RETARDS.DENY THAT….NOW PROVE IT..WHAT u PIECES OF SHIT DO ALLLLLLL THE — TIME DENY THE TRUTH..WHAT u PIECES OF SHIT DO NOOOOOOONE OF THE TIME(CHANGE THE TRUTH)u FKN FEAR FILLED MORBIDLY TERRIFIED P’s O S!!! I CHALLENGE ANY/ALL u BACKWARD THINKING FKNG MORONS TO EVEN TRY(TRY) TO REFUTE,REBUT,REMARK RE:ALL THIS!!!!HAHAHAH LMAO FO&D THEN BURNNNNNNNNNNNNN

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TRENDING AT PATHEOS Nonreligious
What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • I sense anger.

  • Did this clown leave any kind of contact information for these rebuttals he’s expecting?

  • Reginald Selkirk

    (ALL VERSES NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION,NOT PHONY PRETEND TO BE HOLY KJV)

    There are some real gems hidden in there.

  • John Hinkle

    This guy has some serious hangups over bundles of wood.

  • StevoR

    Um … what? Can you get him to repeat that in English this time please? Maybe after taking a few deep breaths and sobering up a little?

  • Chiroptera

    Did he not notice that his caps lock was on? I bet he’s one of those people who drive down the road with his turn signal always one and never turning.

  • Hey,

    Don’t make fun of Piggy Wiggly. There the only grocery store that sells both baconated Cheddar and Uno’s pizzas.

  • d cwilson

    Dude should lay off the crystal meth before typing emails.

  • bbgunn

    I’m deducting 10 points for not typing that in comic sans.

  • tassilo

    Now that’s what I call RELIGIOUS EXPRESSION

  • eric

    We should really not teach typing before 8th grade.

  • unbound

    I’m with Chiroptera, I think the author wrote the e-mail with caps lock on since the lower case looks to be letter the xtian wanted capitalized.

    It would be helpful if there were paragraph breaks too. On the positive side, at least it wasn’t a single run-on sentence.

    I did get a chuckle for the item Reginald noted. NIV for accuracy? Wow.

  • stevebowen

    Hmm, yes one of the more rational and erudite ones obviously. I have no idea how I’d even begin to argue against him.

  • Such anger! I wonder if they know that religion is nothing more than mental slavery and their minds are obviously very much enslaved.

  • Abby Normal

    Now I want to see the whole bible reinterpreted in this caps lock medium.

    FIRST OFF u STUPID IGNORANT S.O.Bs (SONS OF BITCHES), GOD MADE HEAVEN AND EARTH. NOW LISTEN UP, THE EARTH WASN’T DONE BEING MADE YET YOU IMPATIENT DIMWITS. IT WAS DARK AND GOD FLOATED REAL CLOSE AND WANTED TO SEE IT.

    SO HE SAID, “LET THERE BE LIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS,” AND THERE WAS LIGHT AND GOD WAS LIKE, ‘THIS KICKS ASS!” AND HE CALLED IT DAY. BUT HE KEPT NIGHT TOO SO IT WOULD BE DARK AND WE WOULDN’T HAVE TO SEE UR FAGGOT ASSES.

  • petezushin

    Ahhh, I’d forgotten what inbreeding can do to a person.

  • Gordon

    Dear theist,

    all caps is not your friend, paragraphs are.

    Once you’ve mastered that we can try and move on to including some content.

  • Trebuchet

    I can’t believe I’m the first to cite Poes’s law on this one…

  • The Lorax

    Hm.

    Interesting points, good Sir. Now if I may offer a rebuttal, delivered in the language of your people… *ahem*

    GRUNT GRUNT RAWR SNORT BIBLE MUFFLE GRUNT SNORT *pounds fist against ground* OG MORPBL NARCH BIBLE GOD SNORT *kicks dirt* WAAARRRGARBL BIBLE LMAOOMGWTFBBQ!!1!ELEVENTYBILLIONSHIFT1EXCLAMATIONPOINTUPSIDE-DOWNLOWERCASEI1!

  • Michael Heath

    FIRST u DOUBLE TALKING

    I always get that slam when I perceive the person directing it at me can’t provide a coherent rebuttal and knows it. So they lash out in impotent rage. Now here we have a person leading with this charge, therefore I grin, and because it led this tirade, I grin in my wide stance.

  • Michael Heath

    This only marginally less articulate than Sarah Palin. So given the trend in the GOP towards increasing idiocy and incoherency at increasing rates, we should start a pool on when Republicans start nominating people equal to this level of communication and critical thinking skills.

  • Lycanthrope

    Abby Normal @15:

    Actually burst out laughing at that.

  • dingojack

    I give the only possible sensible response:

    [points] Bwhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!

    [wipes eyes, points] Bwhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!

    We win.

    😀 Dingo!

  • sailor1031

    Well I think he’s right. I’ve read it through twice now and I’m totally unable to refute what he has written.

  • jnorris

    All I would ask of the correspondent is: Do you email your mother with that keyboard?

  • bbgunn

    Anyone else read that screed with Yosemite Sam’s voice running in their head?

  • MikeMa

    @Michael Heath #21,

    Joe the Plumber?

  • neonsequitur

    The phrase “not even wrong” comes to mind. Seriously, maybe someone should e-mail this guy’s mother and ask her to go down in the basement and make sure junior is taking his medication, and all of prescriptions are up to date.

  • I think the only thing to improve AbbyNormal’s @15 is GOD -> gOD.

  • Looks like he was EDUCATED STUPID.

    Abby Normal, #15: And if the entire bible were to be reinterpreted that way, someone would definitely have to replace random Gideon bibles in hotel room desks with the New ALL-CAPS version. Praise de lawd!

  • Doug Little

    I’ll bet this guy has a nice cache of weapons. Anybody this angry should not be allowed to own a keyboard let alone a gun. I sense this person is going to first be a burden to the healthcare system and them die early of a stress induced illness.

  • Larry

    Now who can argue with that?

  • dpearson

    @Abby Normal #15

    Good one. You’ve got my coworkers here in Texas wondering why that quiet guy is laughing.

  • captainahags

    “As a good Christian I hope you all burn in hell.”

  • Rip Steakface

    SO HE SAID, “LET THERE BE LIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS,” AND THERE WAS LIGHT AND GOD WAS LIKE, ‘THIS KICKS ASS!”

    So this god appears to be a cast member in a Tarantino movie.

    …Sounds good.

  • dogmeat

    I’m not certain what you guys have against this perfectly beautiful example of Vogon poetry.

  • grumpyoldfart

    My guess: Three fourteen year old kids seeing how far they can go and still get published.

  • Brianne Bilyeu

    Ahahaha! Abby Normal #15 wins ALL the internet points!

  • rainerdelgado

    I’m with Trebuchet. Poe. Amusing but Wholly? Surely an all caps, frothing at the mouth religiot can take a moment, in their spittle producing rage to look at the cover of their magic book?

  • laurentweppe

    You know: this text looks like jeannot’s floorboards: you should try to find an eccentric rich art collector and sell him a printed copy of the text.

  • lordshipmayhem

    Someone care to check this dipstick’s lithium levels? I think he’s down a quart.

  • James C.

    In person, this guy would be really freaking dangerous and not to be messed with lightly.

    On the Internet, you can’t help but laugh.

    And, hey, at least he’s not a tepid believer. If he were, his god would just spit him out (Revelation 3:14-16). So this guy is technically better than a cultural Christian.

    I’d prefer the latter. I must be depraved.

  • meg

    Oh, I needed that laugh.

    Also, agree the Abby wins internets. Awesome!

  • Doug Little

    BURNNNNNNNNNNNNN

    Dammit now I’ve got this song in my head.

    The sky is red, I don’t understand,

    past midnight I still see the land.

    People are sayin’ the woman is damned,

    she makes you burn with a wave of her hand.

    The city’s a blaze, the town’s on fire.

    The woman’s flames are reaching higher.

    We were fools, we called her liar.

    All I hear is “Burn!”

    I didn’t believe she was devil’s sperm.

    She said, “Curse you all, you’ll never learn!

    When I leave there’s no return.”

    The people laughed till she said, “Burn!”

    Warning came, no one cared.

    Earth was shakin’, we stood and stared.

    When it came no one was spared.

    Still I hear “Burn!”

    You know we had no time,

    we could not even try.

    You know we had no time.

    You know we had no time,

    we could not even try.

    You know we had no time.

    The sky is red, I don’t understand,

    past midnight I still see the land.

    People are sayin’ the woman is damned,

    she makes you burn with a wave of her hand.

    Warning came, no one cared.

    Earth was shakin, we stood and stared.

    When it came no one was spared.

    Still I hear “Burn!”

  • D. C. Sessions

    The caps lock is strong in this one.

  • SQB

    And here’s the obligatory bash quote:

    <Khassaki> HI EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!

    <Judge-Mental> try pressing the the Caps Lock key

    <Khassaki> O THANKS!!! ITS SO MUCH EASIER TO WRITE NOW!!!!!!!

    <Judge-Mental> fuck me

  • Abby Normal

    Yay internets. I will promptly spend them on a new title: Abby Normal, prophet of the RAGE BIBLE!!!

  • Aquaria

    #15

    BWAHAHAHAHA

    Too many correctly spelled words, though.

  • Aquaria

    Oh–and this guy needs to report to his nearest S&M bar.

    It’ll be all better once he does.

  • Subtract Hominem

    Abby, are you secretly this guy? If you aren’t, getting him on your writing team could save you a lot of work.

  • Nemo

    I don’t know who’s telling him to accept the whole (sorry, “WHHOLLLE”) Bible, but it sure ain’t us atheists. I don’t think it’s even logically possible to do that. Anyway, I’d rather he reject it all, or better, just ignore it.

  • joseph

    I think the author of this email must have just read the lol cat version of the bible.

  • No….The LOL cat bible has more merit in the real world that the standard bible.

  • coryat

    Surely if it was legitimate it would have the customary ‘Jesus love and bless you!’ concluding line?

  • blutexan

    Abby Normal I hear by nominate you to be the designated Friggin’ Keyboard God/Goddess of the day.

  • Nentuaby

    Decapified and minimally copy-edited, so that it’s actually legible (still not intelligible):

    First you double talking hypocritical faggotass, demonic, liberal pieces of shit, you morons say ”we want the Christians to accept the whole bible–” stupid fucks!!! Then when they throw condemnation @ you faggots it’s, ” isnt the bible all about love, why you judging us???!!!! This is just one example, but totally typical of how you faggots react/double talk on every(bar none) issue ,situation, argument about the stupid anti (god)”year of the bible” situation you fucking god (g o d ) damned(d a m n e d )pieces of shit!! Again read whole(w h o l e ) bible miserable homos.

    #1that was during the time when everyone and their fucking brother owned slaves(stupid fucks like ur bitch ass punk fucking “billboard”(eg:shows black slave,hmmmslavery was alive and well in 20th century and still is today no faggots????? sex slaves,ruthless tyrants & autocrats ,genocides etc.all perpetrated by godless god damned fucking pieces of shit just like you bitches…n o t christians who follow the bible(eg:1 cor.13:1,john3:16,john13:34,mark12:29-31,1john4:8,etc,etc,etc)dumb son of a bitches!!!

    im a true christian and hell yeah i read and believe all the bible and love the parts where god had israelites”devote”whole towns.best is when he had 1(one)and o n l y 1( o n e )of his angels kill 185,000 enemies of the hebrews(eg:the syrian army of sennacherib,2kings 19:35.heres funniest ! foru stupid fucking faggot morons…..romans1:18-20(all verses new international version,not phony pretend to be holy kjv).why you faggots are so fucked up in the heads is this..u stupi p’s o s made choice at very young age to reject god and knew hell was inevitable(hebrews 10:27,27).

    So no wonder you fucking wierdos do the stupid shit you loony toons do!!!!ur scared sraight fkn insane from what you fkn rtrds know (without a –doubt) is coming… fiiiiiiirrrrrreeeeee!!! hhahahahaha (lmao).

    Thing about god is this… Number one he is totaly loving… #2 he is totaly just and you get what you deserve (eccles.12:14&2cor.5:10). You pieces of shit are full of it you cite jefferson “wall of seperation “then totaly disregard the punch that says .’…freedom of religious expression…” Fucking morons. Pilgrims(aka puritans) are the ones who founded this country and it specifically was[for]religious freedom(from state/king run churches like they had in england).

    God damned fucking retards. Deny that… Now prove it… What you pieces of shit do alllllll the — time deny the truth… What you pieces of shit do nooooooone of the time– change the truth. You fucking fear filled morbidly terrified pieces of shit!!! I challenge any/all you backward thinking fkng morons to even try(try) to refute,rebut,remark re:all this!!!!

    Hahahah lmao fuck off and die and then burnnnnnnnnnnnnn