Wingnuts Pull Out Big Guns at Abortion Clinic

Wingnuts Pull Out Big Guns at Abortion Clinic March 21, 2012

Protests at abortion clinics are nothing new, of course, nor are fervent prayers that women be denied all control of their own ability to reproduce, but an Ohio anti-choice group has a new plan that they’re sure is going to work: exorcism. The Dayton Daily News reports:

Anti-abortion activists have been holding prayer vigils outside a Kettering abortion clinic for decades, but on Sunday they plan to up the ante by saying prayers of exorcism.

The Rev. Steve J. Angi, chancellor of the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Cincinnati, has given permission for priests to say exorcism prayers at a 2 p.m. rally outside the Women’s Med Center, 1401 E. Stroop Road, the Miami Valley’s only abortion clinic. The clinic is closed on Sundays.

Ruth Reddens, an organizer of the 40 Days for Life campaign that plans the vigil, sought Angi’s permission to perform the “exorcism of locality,” designed to drive evil out of a place, rather than out of a person. “Hopefully, the spiritual battle will be won,” she said…

Participants will be reading the Prayer to St. Michael the Archangel, written by Pope Leo XIII in 1886. It reads, in part, “Seize the dragon, the ancient serpent, which is the devil and Satan, bind him and cast him into the bottomless pit, that he may no longer seduce the nations.”

“This (prayer) is said over a place that’s infested with the evil spirit, to remove any evil that might happen to be there,” said the Rev. Earl Fernandes, dean of the Athenaeum of Ohio seminary in Cincinnati.

He said it’s one of the minor exorcisms in Catholic tradition, meant to “turn people away from sin and toward the Holy Spirit.”

Yep, that oughta do it. Of course, they’ve been praying on an almost daily basis at the place anyway, with no success at all. But maybe they just need a different prayer. And maybe they should add in some eye of newt and wing of bat, because you have to get the formula just right or the magic won’t work.


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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • roggg

    Oooh…they’re casting spells now? [rolls 1d20]. Abortion clinic makes it’s saving throw against exorcism. Evil spirits are allowed to remain.

    I still say they should have used magic missile.

  • duck1887

    My word, the first comment beats me to it. I was all set to use the word “icosahedron” too 8-(

  • Taz

    They’re praying to god, right? And only god can grant their prayers? God must have known what they’ve been praying for all these years, but he wouldn’t respond because they haven’t been using the spiritual equivalent of “Simon Says”?

    How can they not realize what a perverse creature they’ve invented to worship.

  • Don’t they have to sacrifice a newborn babe to to that?

    Or is that some other religion??

  • Pierce R. Butler

    … Rev. Earl Fernandes, dean of the Athenaeum of Ohio seminary…

    Don’t worry, guys ‘n’ gals – working at a place named after a pagan goddess, ol’ Earl is clearly one of us!

  • Akira MacKenzie

    rogg:

    That’s because Magic Missile is a magic-user spell and clerics can’t use those. Besides, 1d4+1 damage per missile is so weak. Level up first a bit and learn to cast Fireball or Lightening Bolt.

  • Thanks, Ed, for another reason I can add to my list of why I’m not religious.

    That brings it up to 1,007,503

  • Maybe they should have words with the Big Guy to find out why He allowed it in the first place.

  • imrryr

    sought Angi’s permission to perform the “exorcism of locality,” designed to drive evil out of a place, rather than out of a person.

    They should really just exorcise the entire planet. That would at least keep them busy for a while.

  • Trebuchet

    As long as it’s the metaphorical guns and not real ones, that’s fine with me.

  • Randomfactor

    cast Fireball or Lightening Bolt.

    Does the latter one affect mass or albedo?

  • frankb

    If the clinic is closed, they will be merely attacking the darkness.

  • ambassadorfromverdammt

    If exorcism actually worked to rid the place of evil, the protesters would cast their spells then disappear in a flash of light.

  • jamessweet

    As much as I disagree with their message, it’s good to see someone exorcising their freedom of expression.

  • Reginald Selkirk

    “Seize the dragon, the ancient serpent, which is the devil and Satan, bind him and cast him into the bottomless pit, that he may no longer seduce the nations.”

    Far be it from me to read sexual imagery into that.

    In other news, the Holy Roman Catholic Church in the Netherlands removed the dragon’s eggs from boys in their orphanage who accused the blessed fathers of raping them.

  • Johnny Vector

    I think it might work, but only if they use black contact lenses and blue-vein face makeup, like Alyson Hannigan at the end of Buffy season 6. Someone send them John Vulich’s contact information.

    (what? too geeky?)

  • otrame

    @Johnny Vector. No. Buffy references are never too geeky.

  • John Hinkle

    Swan diving Jesus, what century is this?

    Well, nothing fails like prayer.

    Then again, nothing works like prayer, too.

  • marcus

    @16, 17 Ditto Alyson Hannigan (never too geeky).

    *sigh*

  • Larry

    5 p.m.: The facility goes dark. Wingnuts cheer their exorcism has worked! Praise the lord!

    8 a.m. next day: Lights come back on. Wingnuts haz a sad that the demons have returned

    5 p.m.: …and there was much rejoicing!

    8 a.m. next day: much gnashing of the teeths and more chanting.

    rinse… repeat…

  • busterggi

    So what is the difference between Christianity and Voodoo?

    Nothing, absolutely nothing.

  • anandine

    They just all need to believe, really believe that their prayer will work. If prayer doesn’t work, that means an unbeliever (or an insufficiently fervent believer) was in the prayer circle and disrupted the energy.

  • marymallone

    Oh, good, they didn’t bring actual guns! For a moment there I was worried.

  • abb3w

    @0, Ed Brayton:

    because you have to get the formula just right or the magic won’t work.

    Isn’t the correct line “These things must be done delicately, or you hurt the spell”?

  • I love, love love, mockery and ridicule to point out the sheer lunacy of religion, especially the Catholic variety.

    You guys make me so proud. Keep up the good work.

  • Akira MacKenzie

    @randomfactor

    Doh!

    Curse you iOS autocorrect! Where were you when I needed you!!!

  • Not completely relevant, but this comes to mind:

    “Now I understand how prayer can work: a particular prayer in a particular church in a particular style with a particular stuff and a particular book for particular problems that aren’t particularly tough, and for particular people, preferably white, for particular senses, preferably sight – a particular prayer in a particular spot, to a particular version of a particular god.”

    — Tim Minchin

  • Aliasalpha

    busterggi:

    So what is the difference between Christianity and Voodoo?

    Nothing, absolutely nothing.

    As I understand it, christianity has at most one zombie but voodoo can make heaps

  • jnorris

    To Akira MacKenzie in #6

    Don’t they have to roll a 14 or higher to use that magic?

    anyway, I am sure the gospels tells us that Jesus himself told us that if just three true believers prayed in his name then they could move mountains. If i were the local bishop, I would examine the state of worship in my diocese before I upped the prayer anti.

    Note to Pope Benny, Most Rev. Dennis M. Schnurr, Archbishop-Archdiocese of Cincinnati, can’t get his prayer wanger up, perhaps he needs to be replaced with a more robust old white celibate man.

  • As I understand it, christianity has at most one zombie but voodoo can make heaps.

    Nope. See Matthew 27, 51-53. Christianity has plenty of zombies.

  • “Seize the dragon, the ancient serpent, which is the devil and Satan, bind him and cast him into the bottomless pit, that he may no longer seduce the nations.”

    The mere fact that people are still saying this prayer, over and over, after so many thousands of years, kinda proves the prayer is not being answered.

  • If exorcism actually worked to rid the place of evil, the protesters would cast their spells then disappear in a flash of light.

    And the last thing you’d hear from them would be a plaintive, rapidly fading “No, no, the OTHER ancient serp…”

  • dingojack

    Ace of Sevens –

    I’m fond of Matthew 27:54: “And they cried out unto the people gathered within the Holy City: ‘Moooore braaaaiiiinnnnssss'”

    🙂 Dingo