Another Football Player for Marriage Equality

Another Football Player for Marriage Equality September 12, 2012

Brandon Ayanbedejo is not the only football player standing up for marriage equality. Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe is coming to his defense and blasting the Maryland state legislator who wants him silenced, writing a blistering and eloquent letter about the matter. You can read the full thing here. Some highlights:

“Many of your fans are opposed to such a view and feel it has no place in a sport that is strictly for pride, entertainment, and excitement.” Holy fucking shitballs. Did you seriously just say that, as someone who’s “deeply involved in government task forces on the legacy of slavery in Maryland”? Have you not heard of Kenny Washington? Jackie Robinson? As recently as 1962 the NFL still had segregation, which was only done away with by brave athletes and coaches daring to speak their mind and do the right thing, and you’re going to say that political views have “no place in a sport”? I can’t even begin to fathom the cognitive dissonance that must be coursing through your rapidly addled mind right now; the mental gymnastics your brain has to tortuously contort itself through to make such a preposterous statement are surely worthy of an Olympic gold medal (the Russian judge gives you a 10 for “beautiful oppressionism”)…

I can assure you that gay people getting married will have zero effect on your life. They won’t come into your house and steal your children. They won’t magically turn you into a lustful cockmonster. They won’t even overthrow the government in an orgy of hedonistic debauchery because all of a sudden they have the same legal rights as the other 90 percent of our population—rights like Social Security benefits, child care tax credits, Family and Medical Leave to take care of loved ones, and COBRA healthcare for spouses and children. You know what having these rights will make gays? Full-fledged American citizens just like everyone else, with the freedom to pursue happiness and all that entails.

I like this guy. Who says all athletes are just dumb jocks?

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  • arakasi

    And for those who would hit the fainting couch at the thought of strong language, he wrote a clean version which might be even better

  • They won’t even overthrow the government in an orgy of hedonistic debauchery

    Thanks for crushing my hopes! 🙁

  • Who Knows?

    How long before Emmett C. Burns Jr. claims he’s being oppressed because of his religious beliefs?

  • Who Knows?

    I’m not much of a sports fan, I had no idea that they had such talent as Chris Kluwe.

  • “They won’t magically turn you into a lustful cockmonster.”

    Awwww! Damn!!

  • The Lorax

    *stands and applauds*

    Chris Kluwe, I tip my hat to you. Well done, good Sir.

  • tbp1

    So much for the stereotype of the dumb jock.

    This is great writing, absolutely dead on target, passionate, and really, really funny.

    I think someone at PZ’s pointed out that “Lustful Cockmonster” would be a great name for a band.

  • dave

    How long before Emmett C. Burns Jr. claims he’s being oppressed because of his religious beliefs?

    Actually, Del. Burns has backed off his earlier statement:

    “Upon reflection, he has his First Amendment rights,” Del. Emmett C. Burns Jr., a Baltimore County Democrat, said in a telephone interview. “And I have my First Amendment rights. … Each of us has the right to speak our opinions. The football player and I have a right to speak our minds.”


    Hes still a grade A douche.

  • greg1466

    Kluwes entire letter was wonderfully written, but the best part was the P.S.

  • Michael Heath

    Ed asks (rhetorically):

    Who says all athletes are just dumb jocks?

    tbp1 writes:

    So much for the stereotype of the dumb jock.

    You guys got it all wrong, the stereotype stands strong. Chris Kluwe is a punter. Punters and kickers don’t count as athletes. 😉

  • NitricAcid

    The next person who annoys me is going to be called a “beautifully unique sparklepony”.

    Unless it’s the pope. I’m still calling him a vajazzled sepulcher.

  • jamessweet

    Michael Heath somewhat beat me to it: What’s up with punters???

    If I were given to reading too much into it, I might speculate that other players who are in favor of marriage equality are afraid to speak out, lest they get specially targeted on the field for vicious hits (it’s damn hard to actually get to a punter, and the penalty for going medieval on a kicker is pretty serious, so they would be less vulnerable to that). Of course, it’s probably just random coincidence. In a sample size of two! The humanity!

  • erk12

    The first letter was problematic. Not because it used harsh language, but because it lacked the phrase “beautifully unique sparklepony”.

  • twincats

    In a sample size of two! The humanity!

    Uhm, who’s the other punter? Brandon Ayanbadejo is a (nominal) linebacker and special teams player, but neither a kicker nor a punter.

    And, yeah, I thought “beautifully unique sparklepony” was awesome. But that was until just now when I read “vajazzled sepulcher” lol, indeed!

  • leni

    I’ve been a lifelong hater of football. It’s just like a perfect storm of so many of the things I loathe about our culture (or maybe humans in general, I’m not sure): tribalism, machismo, hero worship, stupid loud people with stupid hats and stupid face paint.

    Don’t even get me started on the traffic around stadiums. Hate it. It’s one of the few things that will make me fantasize about terrorism. Remember that “gay bomb”? My very first thought after hearing of it was that I hoped someone would drop one on the Superbowl.

    But both players gave me a renewed hope in humanity when I heard them interviewed on NPR today. I’m not kidding, I actually teared up a bit. Football, and maybe most popular team sports but football especially, has mostly represented very negative things to me. I hate almost everything about it, right down to the stupid effing cheerleaders. I just loathe it to my core.

    But maybe not so much anymore. It was really, really good to hear this.