The Worldnutdaily Reviews Red Dawn

The Worldnutdaily Reviews Red Dawn December 1, 2012

Drew Zahn, former minister turned fake journalist, reviews movies for the Worldnutdaily. His primary criteria for such reviews seems to be how well they line up with his political and religious beliefs, so it’s not a surprise that he praises the new remake of Red Dawn because “red-blooded America runs deep” in the movie. What that has to do with anything, I have no idea.

Out of curiosity, I took a look at how film critics from other newspapers and publications reviewed the new “Red Dawn,” a remake of the 1984 cult classic about teenagers taking up guns and defending America from communist invaders.

You’d think from the critics’ condescending sneers that the remake is utter garbage.

“Preposterous,” said one critic of the remake’s premise that North Korea could invade the U.S. today. “Outdated,” said another, suggesting the plot line be relegated to the ancient Cold War and the once-upon-a-time Red Scare.

The only thing that’s “preposterous,” however, is the speed at which these obviously liberal critics leaped to dismiss the movie. I honestly, without hyperbole, wonder if some of them even watched it.

I haven’t. And I won’t. Because this is one of those movies, and there are a lot of them, that you don’t need to see to know it sucks. When comedians are asked about another comedian they’ve seen and consider a hack, it’s common for them to say, “I don’t know so-and-so, but I know his act.” I don’t need to go see every new Tyler Perry movie to know that they’re terrible because I know the movie without seeing it. I know the formula and I know the mark they’re aiming for. And yes, the notion that North Korea is going to invade the United States isn’t just an out-of-date relic of the Cold War, it’s utterly moronic.

For starters, the movie explains that North Korea doesn’t invade without “help,” and that they used a cyber attack on the American financial system and an electromagnetic pulse weapon, or EMP, against the U.S. infrastructure. Furthermore, North Korea only invades the Pacific Northwest, while other enemies attack elsewhere. It’s not really that implausible.

Yes, actually, it is. When was the last time America was invaded? Try the war of 1812. We have the most powerful military the world has ever seen. And we love going to war. Hell, we make up reasons to go to war, creating dangerous enemies out of everyone from the Vietnamese to the Grenadans to Saddam Hussein, none of whom could have been threats to us even under the wildest of imaginations. And the notion that North Korea, a desperately poor and starving nation that can barely build a car, is going to invade the United States and take over the Pacific Northwest is simply laughable.

The remake originally had the Chinese as the bad guys invading America, but in post-production they decided this wasn’t a good idea because China is an important market for movies and that might prevent it from being shown there. So they changed it from China to North Korea — keeping all the footage, mind you, but going through and digitally replacing all the Chinese insignia with North Korean symbols. No need to change the actors or the dialogue or anything, since all those Asians look and sound alike, amirite?

Besides, the original film cast Cuba as the invading force – not the Soviet Union, as is commonly reported – so don’t talk to me about “preposterous.”

Yes, the original version of the movie was also preposterous. Why Zahn thinks that boosts the plausibility of the remake is beyond me.

And as for “outdated,” the Red Scare is far from over, as many Americans outside the leftist worldview recognize. It’s just that the threat of communism in the U.S. now comes from our own public universities, instead of Moscow.

Seriously?

But like the original, the new “Red Dawn” taps into something primal and patriotic, two instincts it seems leftists attempt to drown out of themselves with copious volumes of Starbucks, while the rest of us pickup-driving, gun-toting, Bible-believing, red-blooded Americans can actually relate.

Finally, something accurate: This movie appeals primarily to dumbasses. I think we already knew that.


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