The Hilarity of ‘Willing to Wait’

The Hilarity of ‘Willing to Wait’ December 3, 2012

This week at our CFI Michigan lecture, we heard a talk by Shelli Weisberg, the legislative director for the ACLU of Michigan, about religion in public schools. She brought up an abstinence-only sex ed program called Willing to Wait and I had to take a look at their website. It’s pretty damn funny, especially the FAQs. Like this one, about masturbation:

Alone in your room, it’s been a long day and you’re ready to forget and just feel. Alone, you can imagine whoever, however, whatever you want. Solo-sex makes you feel good, known, loved, larger than life.

Uh, it does? It feels good, yes. But known? Isn’t the whole point of masturbation that you’re alone and others don’t see it? Loved? By whom? And larger than life? WTF? Even weirder, they then contradict that below:

Solo-Sex may bring a sense of pleasure or release, but ultimately it falls short of satisfying our build in desire to be known.


We are told ‘Masturbation is a way to learn your body, and then you will know what sensations you like.’ But what if, we don’t ‘learn’ our bodies, instead we teach our bodies what to like?

Through masturbation, over time, your body becomes hypersensitive to your particular touch. So much so that solo-sex makes it difficult for your body to respond to your spouse’s touch because they will touch you differently. Essentially, your body will have to unlearn your touch and relearn his/hers. Often this process takes time, requiring a lot of communication and patience.

So, your body learns. Amazing creations our bodies are! As you teach your body what touch to respond to while thinking about what you want out of sex, with fantasies that turn you on, over and over day after day, in your mind, sex becomes all about you, your pleasure, your feel good, your orgasm. Then, one day, you will get married to your sweetheart and sex is still all about you because you trained your body that way. This could pose a problem…

Yeah, selfishness in bed is all because of masturbation. But didn’t they just say above that you can communicate what you like to your husband or wife? You can’t do that if you have no idea what you like, which leaves you both fumbling in the dark.

Sex is meant to be so much richer and more satisfying than you alone in your room.

No kidding. But it gets better, when they talk about abortion. “When is a person a person?” they ask, and they give some hilarious answers:

The person who lives outside the womb is bigger than the person inside the womb. But is it alright for us to say that someone who is smaller does not have the same rights as someone who is bigger? Does a person who is over six feet tall have more value as a person than someone who is barely four feet tall?…

Do people who live in Florida “count” more than people who live in Michigan? We would laugh as such an idea as obsurd. Still, there is question about whether an unborn person is actually a person because where he resides is inside a womb.

Okey dokey. And while this is a curriculum designed for use in schools, the website is full of misspelled words, poor punctuation and, predictably, randomly capitalized words. Funny stuff.

Browse Our Archives