Oh, Do I Get Email

Oh, Do I Get Email March 15, 2013

I sometimes complain that PZ gets all the crazy email and I don’t get nearly as much as I deserve. Boy, did I hit the jackpot with this one though. A guy named Matt Wykoff, a really hardcore traditionalist Catholic (see his website), sent me an email telling me that I’ve been found guilty by the church and I must shut down Freethought Blogs.

You are heretofore given notification to take down your atheist website. You are notified your website leads to scientific illiteracy. You are therefore hereby commanded the following: this communication also functions to notify you of the narrow minded and blasphemous nature of the content you host. It is decided atheist fiction and error has no rights. It has therefore been decided that both the conceptual and physical expression of atheist superstitions has no raison d’être either on your site or anywhere else for that matter. The Sovereign Jurisdiction of the Holy Roman Church has made this determination. Should you fail to abide by that which has been declared herein: expect a swifter arrival of condemnation. Outside the Catholic Church There is No Salvation: view www.vaticancatholic.com

So I answered him:

You are absolutely fucking hilarious. Thanks for the laugh.

And he immediately replied with something even crazier:

I hereby declare- your organization to be – – an unlawful assembly. I order all those assembled to immediately disperse. I repeat- to immediately disperse. I order all your activity to immediately cease. I repeat-to immediately cease. It is not in accord with the ordinances of Canon Law. Due to your catalytic tendency of disseminating objectives adverse to Christendom – you are therefore ordered to discontinue your illegal profession. Failure to do so will result in proactive, responsive, and co-active measures. I judge, adjudge, adjudicate, deem, determine and declare your thoughts, words, actions, public or secret, and omissions, biological and spiritual property, subject to the Jurisdiction of the Unfathomable, Infinite, and Ineffable Excellence of OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST. Further, your humanist anachronism, obscurantism, absurdum, intent, mission, and schemes, are henceforth proscribed and condemned. You may be arrested and or subject to other police action. It has so been declared: It is declared that all non-Catholic government exists in a state of in authenticity. It is thenceforth declared that all modern constitutional states lack canonical legitimacy. It has therefore been thenceforth declared that their existence is an offense to the Divine Majesty and a crime against humanity. The aforesaid Freemasonic corporations are hereby declared anachronical to true human progress. It is decided in order for modern constitutional states to gain authenticity they must recognize the Supreme Jurisdiction of the Papacy and all Papal Dogmas. As a failure to do so will only inflame the Catholic against such blasphemous tyrannical backwards regimes. Lord God is due to make Visitation to such blighted and noxious governments and tyrannies. He will Visit the iniquities upon the infidels and the Anti-Church bigots. Terror will overtake the faces of the unwashed masses. These exquisite bigots against the Papacy will know that the Lord God Himself has done it. The infidel are richly fattened for such Visitation. It is hereby determined. ‘Fiat voluntas tua, sicut in caelo, et in terra’. Thy will be done on earth, as it is in Heaven. Libertarianism (and the constitution) are simply tyrannical failures and instruments that lead to false flag attacks and government-run pedophilia through their Manual (and Visual) Body-Cavity Searches of Juvenile Hall youth. A Catholic Monarchy simply is the answer to today’s varied and many problems. There is Absolutely No Salvation Outside the Catholic Church see www.vaticancatholic.com

Well that’s it, folks. I guess I have to close down Freethought Blogs now. It’s been fun, but gosh I wouldn’t want to upset the Mother Church or anything. This is one of those super far-right Catholics who thinks that all the popes since Vatican II are illegitimate and that there is no real pope at the moment. Oh, and that masturbation is a mortal sin. Okay, maybe — but only if you do it right.

Oh, and a third one:

No. These are very serious matters. The flame of the Divine Vengeance is all consuming and imminent. The Divine Vengeance awaits for you in the corner. In your day of Visitation there will be no running for you -but shall be consumed and thine entrails thereof and inner sanctums and parts – to exceeding magnitude beyond angled space. You shall be engulfed in catatonic soul-consuming insanity below the deep caverns of the earth at its center – forever howling and piping to incomprehensible tunes. The unspeakable flame will engulf and course through your insides and intestines with great frequency. You will be more miserable than hysterical old Jewish women. These Christ-killers will spend quality time with atheist malcontents such as yourself to torture you for all eternity. The God-insulting Jew will have his portion in the eternal lake of fire will all the atheist and the heretics. The atheist are dreamers and subscribers to superstitious fantasies. They cannot be reasoned with. Their illogic is too great.

Your existence is an abnormality. You are different from the rest of normal humanity. Atheism has never won the reasoned assent of mankind. Neither have such persons made any lasting contributions to science. If such individuals had more intelligence than the rest of normal humanity then perhaps a case for atheism could be made. But since this is not the case – such a case cannot be made.

Funny stuff.

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